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The Court and Parliament of Beasts (1819) is a a free verse translation by William Stewart Rose of Gli Animale Parlanti of Giovanni Battista Casti.

Philip Hobsbaum in the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography called this animal tale Rose's main claim to critical attention.

It is divided into seven cantos, each prefaced by a personal dedication. The dedications were addressed, in order, to: Ugo Foscolo; John Hookham Frere (called "our British Berni"); his Hampshire house Gundimore; Henry Hallam; Bartholomew Frere; Sir Robert Ainslie, 1st Baronet; and Walter Scott.

The 1819 edition by John Murray was preceded by a limited one, by William Bulmer (1816), which Rose may have shown Byron who knew the work by 1818.

Full text

PREFACE. Whatever objections may be urged against the Sketches now presented to the public, it will not at least be denied that they have been drawn with impar tiality. The adherent of no party, I have no political purpose to serve , no political feeling to gratify. I have seen enough of Tories, Whigs, and Radicals, to make me reject the opinions on which they advance their respective claims to constitutional purity : and I can didly acknowledge, in the consciousness of my inability my -- ) + viii. to “ turn from the error of my ways," that I have not yet received a call to declare myself a follower of the Saints. The brief delineations I have given contemplate rather the manner than the man ; bis peculiarities rather than his principles. It were needless to observe, that the former, when extravagant or strongly.marked, have in all ages been considered as legitimate a subject for satire as the latter for animadversion when found repre-. bensible or vicious: I shall not say , in the affected diffidence of some incorrigible jinglers in rhyme, that the following pages 1 is . were never intended to meet the pablic eye,” for I have written them with no other intention ; nor sball I urge, in favour of them, that ' “ I have adopted the suggestions of some kind friends, whose judgment I respect," for I bave given everlasting offence to three of my most intimate friends by declining to avail myself of their gratuitous co-operation. The whole three made me a voluntary tender of their services in the important article of a Preface ; but so inordinate was my vanity, that I'gave a preference to my own judgment; and, if the sale of the work should suffer on that account, I have nobody to blame but myself. One of them exclaimed , on seeing the manuscript; “ Woodfall, my dear fellow ! I am so delighted with your Sketches X that I shall most gladly introduce them to the public, with a few smart lines of my own composition .” Another, equally prompt to serve me, offered, that moment, to do something in the style of Swift, as most appropriate to the occasion : and the third had actually taken up the pen ; and, in his officious zeal, covered four sheets of foolscap with specimens of wit from Rabelais, Voltaire, Pope, Sterne, & o , before I could induce him to desist. This latter gentleman , who is a personage of goodly port, with a florid com plexion, always carrying a cane, and wearing a pro fusion of powder, was so disgusted with my bad taste in not accepting a piquant composition, which he thought worthy of a place on the shelves of the Sosii, xi. that he declared he would leave me deserted in my utmost need, " and not write a prologue for a Comedy of mine, which bas waited Mr. Elliston's leisure ever since he first became lord of the ascendant in the Green Room of Old Drury . In making my heroes speak in rhyme, I never intended that, like Homer's heroes, they should speak in poetry ;-that would be quite out of character, for among them all there is not one who shows anything of the 66 mens divinior," except L - rd L - th -r ; and to him I found it impossible to do justice. A rich ' harvest remains yet to be reaped , and I shall pro bably be induced to go again into the same field, .?". . N or one immediately contiguous. to it, should the public, be of opinion , that on the present occasion my. sickle has not been uselessly employed. As for the critics, let them do their worst, it shall give me no uneasiness. Such of them as have minds superior to the undue influence of passion or prejudice, I shall always respect, whatever may be their decision ; those who have not, I shall always despise. WILFRED WOODFALL. London ; June, 1821. MY NOTE- BOOK, 8C. 1. READER, while coffee, tea, and toast, and eggs, Invite thy palate, at the breakfast hour ; While Pug with anxious expectation begs, Pugs e'en like men can butterd toast devour ; While, thus at ease , reposing both your legs On fender bright as kitchen wench could scour, You tear the wrapper from the teeming sheet,* Long speeches to con over,-- ( I'd much rather eat.) II. Ah, reader ! then forget not those, I pray, Whose labours yield thee such unfeign'd delight ; • The Newspaper. B 2

?? And, while the mass of minion * you survey, Think on St. Stephen's, and each hapless wight Who, seated there full oft till break of day, Still notes but nonsense thro' the live long night, Which he, to sense must turn, in language good ; Else who, in all the world, would read poor M -- th - w W -- d ? III. I've prov'd it oft - haud inexpertus loquor, And oft'I wish'd the Marquis de Chabannest

• Small print.

+ This goodly personage has nearly roasted the Members of the House of Commons by his ingenious device for introducing hot air through the different parts of that building. Hence, an hon . alderman , equally remarkable for good humour and corpulency, observed upon one occasion, “ that they might as well be legislating over the cretur ( crater) of Mount Vesuvius." 3 Had prov'd the ordeal of a red - hot poker, When he devis'd his calorific plan To parch his very bones for sapless Cr- k - r, His native vizor blanch , for little Van . Oh ! I could blow - but I'll restrain my wrath , Sheep's heads," says St-gs B-me* « are good for making broth.” Sheep's heads ! ye gods ! what human head sustains A heavier mass of more congenial brains Than thine, O P - t - r ! far-fam'd P -t-r M-re ? « All other heads appear so lean, so poor ! " But here I find heroics lead me op ; , . + Then let them so, with stanzas I'll have done :

• This right hon. gentleman thinks that, in workbouses, very

good broth might be made from sheep's heads. So think I ; and the conntry will doubtless fully appreciate so valuable a discovery . Within the last twenty years wonderful advances have been made in the science of political economy. 4 .3 Stanzas let Byron write , and Murray vend, - Murray the last to prove an author's friend, Unless the name a title recommend. A DEBATE. Here shall I now by prejudice unsway'd, The slave of none in politics who trade, Describe a doughty senatorian fight, Which called forth all the formidable might Of fierce opponents, never known to lag When urg'd by P - t- r, or provok'd by B - gge. The theme inspires ; lo ! P - t - r in his place Displays the volume of his ample face, 1 And shows an index , --what shall be my rhyme ? A country clock that “ takes no note of time." E'en such a face displays to public view , To prove the works inside are never true. 5 With parchment roll soon on the floor he's seen , The dauntless champion of his injur'd queen ; His wig awry , his fists inflicting blows To shake the table under Dyson’s * nose. Yet warmer still be waxes while he reads A labour'd list of C -st - r - gh's misdeeds, Sent up from Coventry his zeal to prove, He talks of motions, W - Isnt cries out “ move !" He swells, he foams, in patient for debate, Sly whining B - nks protrudes his powder'd pate ; While from the bench, where W - 1 -b - r - f-rce and Co. Their saintly pates in meek seclusion shew ,

• This respectable individual was chief clerk at St. Stephen's

at the time bere alluded to, but has since retired . † Not the staid and cautions Mr. T. W - 1-8 - n , whose well. curled peruke so happily harmonizes with his placid countevance.. It will scarcely be necessary to say that the gallant knight was theperson who encouraged P - t - r on the occasion , 6 1 A sidelong glance he casts but to descry A stupid scowl from P -- t -- r's stupid eye. P - t - r proceeds resistless in his course : P - t - r is cheer'd, -he raves, till he gets hoarse ; In vain to order does D - C - k M-t-n rise, So D - c - k sits down, and P - t-- r still defies All interruption, while the Sp - k -r bland In accents mild gives him to understand No breach of order yet had taken place ; “ I'm sure, (says P -- t--r, standing near the mace , And looking most complacently at D -- c -- k ,) I'd be the last against the house to kick : (a laugh. ) Butlanguage now , sir, cannot be too bold, The honest truth is now what must be told ; I'll let it out, the matter I'll not mince, I'll make a base administration wince. 7 I know some facts, yes, that I do, I'm sure, - The Noble Lord may think himself secure, But all his actions, soon , must come to light, And, goodness gracious, what a horrid sight! Who sent out L - ch ? who sent out C - k and Brwn, And P - w -1, too , to take the falsehoods down, Which ev'ry wretch in Italy could bring ? The ministers have done the very thing." A moment's pause, and now does P -t-r's throat Resume its croaking with an alter'd note ; In elegiac tenderness he melts ; 2 Thus hail dissolves , when hail no longer pelts. “My friend ,” he cries, “ whose loss we all deplore ; My dear lamented friend, who's now no more Poor Sheridan ( here P - t - r looks so droll, A grin he wrenches from old W - sl- y P - l- e ,) 8 Observ'd one day, I met him in the park, P -t -r ,' says he, ' the day looks very dark .'

• It does ,' says I ; ' but, never mind,' says he,

• Much darker days than this you'll live to see .' I've seen them , sir, his words were true, indeed ; Unhappy England ! in your utmost need, You lost a man , as much above the praise Of Major Cartwright, or of Father Hayes, * As London monument, on which we stare, Is rais'd above the chimneys of Rag-Fair : Hewas a man , ( take him for all in all,' That Shakspeare might the pride of Denmark call ; (A laugh .) The venerable Major has, for some time past, taken unto himself this most respectable divine and excellent man, as a worthy associate in the good cause of Radical Reform . 9 And much I fear - indeed all hopes are vain , “ We ne'er shall look upon his like again . His tomb I rais'd , the tribute was sincere ; Th' expense was heavy, --but the friend was dear. The Noble Lord, I see, is pleas'd to smile ; But there's not one in all his rank and file, Who, when the Noble Lord is cold and dead, Will ever place a stone above his head. I need not say how fully I agree In this petition, from electors free,- From men, whose tongues no gagging-bills can fetter, They know me well, and no man knows them better. ( A laugh. ) A Bill of Pains and Penalties, they think A foul disgrace , as black as printers' ink ; 10 I think so too , my thoughts I'll never screen ; God help the nation, and God save the queen ! I now , sir, move , -I'd fain say more , if able, That this petition lie upon the table. Had I said less, I'd surely be to blame: Why, sir, my cheeks would blush with burning shame Before my friends at Coventry to come, Or catch a passing glimpse at Peeping Tom . " ( A laugh . ) BR -GGE. With paunch obese, and gills of livid hue, B - gge shews his legs have nothing else to do But to sustain the said fat paunch and gills A blockhead's part, while that great blockhead fills To answer P -t-r, -at his post he stands, Alternately exerting both his hands, An oscillating balance to maintain , Like a fat porpoise rocking in the main ; His head enforcing, with redoubled shakes, The dulness which for argument he takes ; He looks profound , and, conscious of his lore, The House already feels dispos'd to snore : A solitary finger he uplifts, Which, from his nose , perpetually he shifts, To cut right angles in the empty space Between that nose , and P - t -r's vacant face : The finger, thus presented to our view , An equal length exhibits with the queue That guards a bunch of venerable hair, The last fair honour of a cranium bare : Diffuse as dull, he talks till patience tires, Yet patience still the prosing dolt requires, ter 12 Nor heeds, if nausea niake his audience retch, Provided he exgurgitates a speech. Truth, it is said, must in a well be sought, And , with a rope, is from the bottom brought. B - gge's wisdom lies in that capacious pump Which acts in perfect concert with his rump ; Thence does he draw , and, of this sort of stuff, Thinks, while he pumps, he ne'er can pump enough. “ If principles ' gainst principles be set, Then let those principles be fairly met : I mean sound principles, -- the House will see That principles, in which we all agree, Are not like principles that raise a doubt : Now , sir, a man may often turn about, And take up principles oppos'd to those ; But, what's the consequence ? no mortal knows. 18 This, sir, I think, does certainly embrace The great and leading features of the case. The honourable member has no right A premature discussion to invite Upon a Bill drawn - up with so much care, And now in progress, as we know , elsewhere : I deprecate the course he has pursu'd As calculated only to delude. Why, sir, we know that inferences just, Are drawn from premises when well discuss'd ; Some measures may be censurd in detail, . But the great principle will never fail, When, from the proposition, comes that sense Which proves the necessary consequence. ( A laugh. ) My noble friend and I have ever tried , Upon this principle, our plans to guide; t 14 But, I lament, sir, that in times like these, Do what they will, no ministers can please : The doctrines, now , soopenlyavow'd , No end can serve , but to mislead the crowd ; The honourable member I commend For having prais'd his dear departed friend ; But, no reflections ought he to have cast On the first pilot , -yes, the first and last That ever guided , or shall.ever steer, The helm of state ... my noble colleague here. " P - t -r explains. • What I have said is , as the gospel, true ; If he were dead, none would be found to rue, Save and except those servants who have board And furnish'd lodgings from the Noble.Lord, With all the placemen, who on taxes thrive, And best can prosper while their friend's alive. ” 1 15 1 B-GGE. “ Sir, these are words 'gainst which I must protest, Not that I think they can at all molest The noble ears : ( a loud laugh.) I cannot comprehend What gentlemen , by that loud cheer, intend ; My noble friend , I'm sure , does not regard The bold prediction which we just have heard, Yet here no language ought we to admit— " P - t - r rises to order . “ The chair will judge if mine has been unfit.” Once more for P - t - r does the chair decide, ? B - gge looks confus'd , and, bloating in his pride, Regains his legs, then thrice, with P - t - r's knob , Exchanges an intelligible bob ; And thus concludes " No member can look at The tone, the spirit, substance, and all that, . 16 Of this petition, but must soon confess, That one so bold no member ought to press : Yet, still , my strong objections I'll withdraw , Lest factious men who violate the law , My sentiments and motives shou'd malign ; There is not from the Tiber to the Rhine, Or, thence again to the Boristhenes, A ministermore ready to appease All irritation in the land, than I ; Or less reluctant promptly to comply With those requests in which we find involvd A question which has never yet been solv'd , As it relates to principles that mark A tendency to shatter freedom's ark , And leave us floating on a stormy sea ; Now , sir , the question does appear to me 17 -- Of such importance, that, while I exist, The slightest innovation I'll resist, Upon a system which includes the whole of those grand principles, whose strong control Represses ev'ry effort to release The social body from the bonds of peace." ( Cheers and laughter. ) 5 BN- T . B --n - t is fir'd, his eyes to B - gge he turns; His gen'rous soul with indignation burns; B - n -- t, who, living, for each creature lives, Who both his ears with prompt delusion gives To ev'ry sharper, swindler, knave, or thief, If he, who asks them, will but ask relief. B - n - t, sạve whom, no one on earth can vie , In gaol distinction, with good Mrs. Fry : C . 18 1 Their zeal the same, alike they seek renown , And are belov'd by all the gangs in town. The closing words of Bogge’s sublime appeal, À heat excite which none besides cou'd feel; While thus the man of mankind shews the flame That glow'd within the bosom whence it came. •Why, sír,—Why,sir, this language - who can bear ? Shall any man , -shall any man now dare To tell the House how much he condescends When his conceit our common - sense offends ? Shall any man thus venture to presume ? ( Hear, kear, from Cr - y ; roaring cheers from H -me.) Shall any man ? but all I must not say ; ( In a solemn and subdued cadence. ) My tongue must not my swelling heart obey ; 19 My outrag'd feelings let me here suppress, Lest, haply, they may urge me to transgress. When the right-honourable member tries To prove how much he can our freedom prize ; Must be forget ? -Must he forget ?- Must he ? f Must he forget that Englishmen are free ? I know not, sir, what language he likes best ! His ear, I'm sure, is not the proper test'; But this I know , that ev'ry single line Of this petition well accords with mine. And, here, sir, let me yet a moment claim , To state a fact that casts reproach and shame On one who could abuse, in guilty hour, The sacred trust of magisterial pow'r ; His name at present I forbear to give ; But yet bis deeds, like water thro' a sieve, 20 Shall find their way ; and, dropping on the House, (Loud laughter. ) Let no man say my mountain breeds a mouse : ( With a look of indignant reproof.) A little boy, who drove a little ass, A month ago, thro ' Fulham chanc'd too pass ; Two pendent baskets which the donkey bore, Contain'd its master's last remaining store Of baking-apples, which, in tedious rout, The little vagrant daily hawk'd about. Not far from Fulham had he bent his way, When his poor ass, with fear, began to bray; And well it might, -for soon a fellow grapples The harmless lad, and tumbles out his apples. But, why this outrage ? -Sir, I know not why, -- Except, that in each basket chanc'd to lie 1 21 A quartern loaf, which some vile baker swore Had left his basket half an hour before, Alleging, as a proof of what he said, That he cou'd well identify the bread ; And that the boy upon his dog had gain’d While he was by a customer detain'd . Was ever tale more clearly void of truth ? Yet, neither could the innocence, nor youth, Of this poor lad secure him from a goal ; He had no friends, so cou'd procure no bail. The magistrate, a scandal to the land, .. Refus'd to listen , -wou'd not understand The artless story which the prisoner told ,- How he bought bread , his apples when he sold . To Newgate, sir, at once he had him sent, And, still on cruel violence intent, C2 22 He thus address'd him, with unfeeling heart: " You graceless thief, your back is sure to smart ; The cat shall teach you people's goods to pass, And steal no loaves when next you drive your ass .' These were the words, the barb'rous words, he spoke ; But words cannot describe the piteous look Which the dumb brute , with terror and dismay, Cast on the boy, as he was borne away . Now , sir, I ask, is not this flagrant case, To British justice, a most foul disgrace. Can we,-can we, I say, sir, can we sit Within these walls, and such disgrace permit ? The Noble Lord may bear it as he will ; But, as for me, my duty I'll fulfil, And • drag the struggling monster into day,' Who dar'd to act, ( Hear, hear , from C -at--rgk ; ) 23 - Yes, this I'll do,Itell the Noble Lord , Unless the boy is to his ass restor'd . " FA Bangha ) C -ST - RGHE In native ease, see C -st -rgb * stand forth , By native ease to give his nonsense worth ; Whole hours in cold dilation can be spend To talk a jargon none can comprehend; Yet, specious in absurdity, he gams Attention, and our ridicule restrains. He thus proceeds : - " The House , I think , will find That matters may with questions be combind ; Which have no common texture in their loan , If party will be warp'd to give them room ; Th ' invectives, we have heard from t'other side Came floating on the perforating tide:

• This celebrated functionary has just become Marquis of

L > in consequence of the decease ofhis father , 24 , ! Of declamation, and the slimy beach Is wash'd with all the noxious weeds of speech. At this conjuncture, when the vital spring Of moral action takes a lawless swing ; When the pure stream ofjustice finds its links By faction question'd in its public chinks; 1 When men of probity are sure to fall Within the reach of that outrageous gall, Which blinds the senses and corrupts the heart; When ncne are spard who act an honest part; When black sedition runs its odious race To subjugate the intellectualpace, Which leads to social order by a course, Distinct from mobs and democratic force, And turns the scale of equi-pendent pow'r ! Obedient to the working of the hour, 25 That working which the Constitution feels, As each new impulse operates on wheels That never cease their circumambient rounds, Yet never go beyond their proper bounds. (A laugh .) At such a time I see, with great regret, That in this House some gentlemen are met, Who draw upon their figurative stores To countenance the clamour out of doors, And speak in terms which no man can endure Of individuals scrupulously pure : . Really, sir, it is too much to brook . That such a worthy man as Mister C—k Should have his name draggʻd forth to public scorn ; No better man , I'm sure , was ever born . The breath of calumny cou'd never reach The spotless character of Sir John L - ch , 26 A man whose mind no pow'r on earth cou'd sway , If standing prostrate justice marr'd the way ; A man , who in his public conduct shews The private qualities by which he rose . ( Ålangh .) A man, of all, who knows not to collapse, With circumstances, into open gaps; Nor seeks, by retrogressive movements , to advance, Tho' retrogression may sometimes enhance The value of that honourable prize Which fair ambition holds before its eyes ; Yet, ey'n his name, cou'd not escape to - night The sweeping tongue, that , with pernicious blight, Has analyzd those gentlemen who went Upon a mission which was never meant To act upon the case in any form That cou'd prejudicate, molest, or harm 27 The high lady, who, I lament to see, Has been advis'd , most unadvisedly. In common justice, sir , to Mister P -w - 1 , ( Loud cries of Question , from Sir G #-N- I. ) The honourable Baronet mistakes If he supposes his impatience makes That strong impression on the organs here, Which, acting on the temporary ear, He can produce upon another stage Where sober sense must yield to furious rage.. I say that Mister P - w -l is a man Who, since this anxious Milan case began, To zeal, has * jin'd ( join'd ) much penetrating skill, Not that I think his zeal dispos'd his will, (a laugh . ) • It is rather surprising, that the Noble Lord, who is 80 decided an enemy to all political innovation, thinks nothing 28 To sanction depositions of a sort That did not fundamentally comport With facts concocted in the womb of truth . These facts he heard ; and yet, because, forsooth , The principle involv'd in their extent Does not accord with partial sentiment, He must be censur'd with cortosive spleen ; As if the world unconscious still had been Of circumstances openly display'd, And in their nature tending to degrade whatever ofmaking the most arbitrary and capricious changes in the pronunciation of our language, while, almost in every sentence he utters, he offers violence to its structure. By a barbarous fashion , in which he has already got some ridiculous disciples, he pronounces the word cuin, join, loin , and the like, as if written kine, jine, line ; and point, uppoint, anoint, & c. as if written pint, appint, anint. 29 --- A personage who cou'd so far embank That royal blood to which she ow'd her rank ; As to erect a man , of stature tall, ( But in his moral altitude so small ) Into an equal.--Sir, I do conceive That we shall most egregiously deceive Our understandings, if we turn our backs Upon ourselves, and tolerate attacks That never shou'd be made within that line On which discussion leads us to combine The features of our senatorian strife. It is too much to take the scalping knife, And mow down characters, like so much hay, To gain the vulgar plaudits of the day. The pint (point) on which the House shall soon decide, Stands in its bearings permanently wide 30 .. Of topics introduced but with the view Of superjecting an invidious hue On conduct that will always bear the light. ( " Yes,' cries Sir G - r - d , ' when kept out of sight.") What can the honourable member mean ? Does he suppose his wit is yet so keen As to afford The Sp - k -r : - “ I must, in justice to the House observe, That interruptions, when they widely swerve From the strict rule of regular debate, An acrimonious feeling may create . i The honourable member, I must say, Has from this rule departed a long way.” Sir 6 -r -- d " I bow in due submission to the chair, And reverence th' authority that's there. " 31 C-st - rgh .-- " I'm glad the honourable member sees That he has gone beyond those fix'd degrees That bound the limits of our usual walk , ra laugh .) And mark it with imaginary chalk . We must not in the aggregate of facts Look merely to th' inquisitorial acts Of gentlemen selected to explore The actual causes at the very door, Where this unhappy question took its rise, And brought the instrument before our eyes ; Nor ought we to obliquities converge, Upon a case from which we can emerge; But by proceeding strictly parallel With all those proofs which nothing can repel, As in their essence of too deep a shade For human reasoning ever ko indade, 32 Or agitate the colour that sustains The hinge whose working ev'ry pint explains. An honourable member with a threat, Which I assure him shall not make me fret, Has warn’d me of his positive design To bring a magistrate before the shrine Of public justice in his proper name, And sacrifice him to inglorious fame, i Unless a culprit, now the gaoler's charge, Is with his ass allow'd to go at large. How far this case can possibly relate To the great question pregnant in the state The house will judge ; for me, I can't invest A inind with wisdomthat can give no test Of light descry'd thro' intellectual glasses, Except a sympathy for thieves and asses . ( Cheers. ) 83 . The house I'm sure will never entertain Petitions of a nature to restrain The legislative march in its career , Inverting the great axis of the sphere That holds th ' impatient multitude in check . ( Repeated cheers from S - mn -- r and L - gh K - ck .) Yet tho' I think the one that has been read, A daring insult to the heart and head Of every man who does not yet partake Of sentiments whose object is to shake The social fabric in their whirling eddy ; Still, for the reasons so well urg'd already By my esteemed right honourable friend, I shall not for a negative contend Upon a pint that certainly might go By frequent sanction to the overthrow D 34 Of all those sluices that surround the trench, Which guards the throne, the altar, and the bench ." ( Loud cheers. ) WINE. Smell-journal*Wne, whose undissembÞd aim Is to prefer a strong convincing claim : To the high station filld, with so much ease, By one whom Nature destin'd still to please ;

• Mr. W. is indebted for this designation to the sarcastic wit

of Mr. Br - gh - m , who, upon a certain occasion, represented the honourable gentleman as likely to revive from a fainting fit, by smelling the journals of the house, in the same manner as one of his ancestors had,whose regard for precedents and formswas equally remarkable. No man carries his individual pretensions higher than Mr. W., nor is there any man living less easy of access. Nothing can be more laughable than the authoritative pomposity with which he seeks to display bis importance. Much easier would it be for a stranger to obtain any favour, however great, from a Mandarin of the highest button, than a frank from this overweening aristocrat.

35 Exhibiting in manners most refin'd A rare example of that polish'd mind Which needs no contrast with a coarser mould , s To fix on worth the stamp of sterling gold , - i The man of precedents now tunes a voice, In which his ears can constantly rejoice, While other ears are with impatience found Escaping the shrill torture of the sound . ! Whoe'er has seen, at any time or place, A hog, the pride of all- thé swiñish race, With neck compress'd between two rigid bars Of some strong gate that ev'ry effort mars , Has surely heard lond squeaks of dreadful pain Emitted by the hapless brute in vain : Then let him judge, for he can best suppose How W-ne proceeded, teeming, as he rose, . 36 . With fusty knowledge , and prepar'd to play A full half-hour, " stridente stipula ." His tune begins: - “ I certainly shall show Such solid reasons as shall make us slow To sanction language that so stoutly speak s Seditious sentiments, yet slyly seeks By sinuous sophisms the sense to screen, And with pretended interest for the queen, Casts imputations studiously design'd To raise up rancour in the public mind. I could adduce strong precedents in scores To prove our ancestors had shut the doors Against petitions much less bold than this : The strongest is the case of Simon Twiss, Who, when Elizabeth came to the throne, Had a young späniel, which he call'd his own ; - 37 But, in th' assertion, Twiss it seems was wrong, For Cecil's servant swore it must belong To that fine breed which Francis king of France Had got from Italy, and kept at Nantz ; A breed of which an elder branch he gave To Henry on the day he chanc'd to shave That monarch'swhisker, when each try'd to snatch The prize of conquest in a tilting match . This branch upon his majesty's decease, Its numbers did considerably increase, And younger branches through the kingdom spread,, Yet each and ev'ry spaniel that was bred From any of those branches, was to be For over held as royal property. Twiss argu'd that the breed had long been cross'd And therefore all prescriptive right was lost : D 2 38 -, -- His dog he said betray'd as vulgar blood As any that had kennel'd since the flood . Cecil, however, cut the matter short, Returning home, at six o'clock , from court, He seiz'd the dog invirtue of descent, Ere Twiss surmis'd the mischief that was meant. Remonstrance with the minister was vain , Cecil resolvd the spaniel to retain, Alleging that King Henry, at his death, Two dogs to him did bounteously bequeath ; From both of which thepresent one had sprung, As would appear: by; looking at his tongue. ( A.laugh .) Twiss was a bold and most imprudent man, }, Not once regarded how the tenour: ran Of an appeal drawn up with urgent baste, In vicious language, and more vicious taste : " 39 - - -- -- - From Parliament he might have hoped redress, Had he not rashly venturd to express A doubt that spaniels could be handed down As gifts descending only from the crown . This doubt was fatal, as may be expected , And Twiss's rash petition was rejected .” The Muse in vain would here attempt to trace 3 W - ne's sage deductions from this cogent case ; Nor could the compass of her váried strain One quarter of the precedents contain , ! Which from his surchag'd magazine he drew , To furnish specimens of all he knew . ܆ ، 4 . : ar ! JOHN CAM. ! John Cam, the glory and the rising hope Of fam'd Sir Francis, now gives ample scope -

. 1 +

40

To flippant strictures spic'd with flippant wit ; Till D - V - s G - lb -rt * can no longer sit. In lisping accents, and with formal air, He thus bespeaks th ' attention of the chair : Sir, when I look at all the glorious toil Of men whose blood has sanctified the soil, Of men who by their noble efforts broke That bondage which confess'd the tyrant's yoke ; When I reflect on Hampden in the field , -- On Russell, doom'd a deathless life to yield,

• This gentleman is considered to have the most mathematical

head in the house, but to anything witty he has an utter aver sion ; and bence, thougla on ordinary occasions the last to quit his post when the minister requires his presence, he is frequently seen sneaking out, and bidding a temporary farewell to the chair by a respectful bow whenever any member of the oppo sition indulges in pleasantry beyond the measure of the rule and compass. 41 I can't express the horror and disgust I feel at precedents, rak'd from the dust Of odious tyranny, the last offence That slavish zeal could offer to good sense . An honourable member has to-night Done what the dogs in office must delight ; A spaniel he has plac'd upon the floor, To bark away the people from the door. (A laugh .) Old cases he has cited by the parcel, To let us see that he has more than Hatsell : * Yet mouldy records of capricious pow'r Must shock the mind at this enlightened hour, And he who delves them from beneath that heap Of foul and loathsome rubbish where they sleep , Betrays himself as inuch as mortal can A ministerial resurrection -man. (A laugh .) • A great authority for parliamentary precedents. 42

A noble lord, whoserhetoric transcends The tropes of all his honourable friends, Has talk'd of justice questioned in its chinks, And yet this question all the time he blinks. Now I have chinks I'll ne'er attempt to close, That vent the tide of feeling as it flows: Freely it issues, out the streamwill come, I tell the house “ Plenus rimarum sum .'* ( A laugh .) Corruption, sir , notorious as noon - day, Infects the frame, what frame. I must not say : Nor is it only Grampound and Penryn That turn'd out members to let.members in Who could afford to give more ample treats, And larger offers for their venal seats. Terent. Euñ . Actiösc. 2. ܝܼ

43 ' .. Í know some boroughs quiteas badas those, But which for reasons I must not expose. No pow'r can saye us frotn - a dreadful storm , No pow'r on earth but RADICAL REFORM . ***

... ( Hear, hear, and laughter .)

' Tis mighty well for gentlemen to cheer, Who, by corruption, live from year to year, Whose pockets daily would get worse and worse, If not replenish'd from the public purse. The name of Radical let these: deride, : But as for me, I feel a conscious pride To own a name that can sowell define The mark'd , the broad, th' interminable line. Between the slave of ev'ry base intrigue, And him who ne'er can with corruption league. Th ' electors, sir, of Westminster have shewn 2 و A bright example of what may be done, 44 !! If men will not their precious rights forego, But nobly wrest them from the people's foe. Let those who mock our efforts to repress Abuses carry'd to the last excess Bebold the scene at Manchester, and dare To charge Reformers with designs unfair, That prop of the Church Militant on earth, Whose late promotion rose from virtue's dearth : That pride of parsons, the redoubted H - y, Who deals destruction when he ought to pray, Will, doubtless, say, that massacre and blood Are expiations religiously good For crimes with awful evil so replete As meetings that on public evils treat. But, sir, this doctrine he can never preach , Except to men whose wits he may impeach. 45 7As to the queen, a more infernal plot Was never hatch'd in hell when doubly hot, Than that by Satan's emissaries fram'd Against the victim their fell vengeance claim'd . I can't proceed , -Imust get somewhat calmer : ( Here, down he sat with cheers from long F - sh P -lm -r . ) D-CK M - T -- N . D -ck M -- t - n rises. - D -ck is never found The last to rise on ministerial ground ; With racy brogue he vindicates his friends, Who estimate the prompt support he lends Just in proportion as the mood provokes, Coughs when he's serious, laughter when he jokes. This Irish Fuller grapples with John Cam : - “ Now , Mr. Speaker, ' tis an idle sham , 46 . 1 I say ' tis wasting all our precious time, To make long speeches, 'aping Burke's sublime; ( Talking of Burke, he was myblood relation , And a great honour to the Irish nation .) . The last harangue was quite beyondall rule, A famous sample of thatnoted school, Which teaches what our ancestors hereafter - ; ( D -ckgravely stares, midst frequent bursts of laughter . ) I do protest I cannot see the cause Why gentlemen will so'exert their jaws At my expense ;-but letthem laugh away, at Posterity have liv'd to see the day PA ( Continued laughter .) When mad réformers caus’d a dreadful shock , And brought a martyrd monarch to the block . * . تر از 47 I have a garden, sir; at Connamarra ,* Where Mick Mullowny one daydrewthe harrow ; • Now Mick,' says I, “ take care of the young trees :: ‘ Don't fear,' says he, ' ' tis I'that sav'd the bees, And sent them swarming back into the bive ; They came out dead, butnow they're all alive . i ( A loud laugh .) I walk'd away, but, when I came to look At all the pains the lazy rascal took , I soon exclaim'd — You prince of stupid brutes ! Upon my sowl you've torn up all the roots !

• This is the name of Mr. M.'s estate in the north -west of

Ireland, an estate remarkable for two things, its extent, and its sterility. There does he hold indisputable sway, there stands the great citadel : of his naked dominions- " Ila se jactet in aula . " 48 The fellow stood, and, gaping like a fool, Listen'd awhile most insolently cool, Then, sir ,' says he, don't say a word about'm ; The trees, I know , will grow as well without’m .' ( Laughter . ). Need I observe how well this case applies To ev'ry wicked radical who tries To pluck those roots from which the Church and King, And all the Lords, and all the Judges spring ? None will assert, that, if the roots were gone, The trunks would thrive as hitherto they've done. Sir, as for freedom we have quite enough ! The May'r of Galway gave a smart rebuff To one Tim Shaughnessy, the other day, Who wish'd to dictate rather than obey ; -49 And ask'd the worthy magistrate to call A public meeting, with intent to brawl Against the Constitution of the land ,

• Tim ,' says the May'r, " I'll answer your demand,

By letting Galway see your naked back , If one word more of politics you clack . Yon are, I find, a most inhuman pig ; You don't regard the venerable wig Upon the parson, or the parish priest , You've turn'd philosopher, you dirty beast.' ( Much laughter. ) Here is a mayor on whom we can depend, I always was and still will be his friend ; His uncle's grandson, Mr. Daly * knows, To me some lasting obligations owes. • His honourable colleague. R 50 I made him bailiff ofmy own estate ; " ( Hem ! question ! question ! ) D - ck : - “ Wait a little, wait ! - But one word more, sir, and I shall sit down. ( Hear hear, cries N -l - n ;-hear, cries D - n - s B -r-n .) Horace compard his nation to a ship , . I sometimes into that fine author-dip ; And now I say -- O'navis novi fluctus_- "? “ I rise to order, " cries Sir W - m C -rt- s : “No member ought to quote broad Irish here.? .. (A laugh . ) “ Irish !” says D -ck : “Jrish it may appear To those who sit in judgment at Guildhall, To ev'ry alderman both great and small ; But, in this house, it will be understood As Latin , metaphorically good . ” A laugh .) | 1 . 51 Sir W - m explains:: “Yes, I perceive I made a slight mistake ; -- D-ck:-“ I once mistook a gander for a drake. But, to the point ; -- I always will defend The worthy conduct of my noble friend . He saw the thing most hideous to behold , And acted with that resolution bold , Which, in such cases, knows not how to flinch , But prosecutes its progress ev'ry inch, No human creature can suppose , I'm sure, That Bergami, a varlet so obscure, Wou'd have been made the queen's chief major domo, Unless this grace and ornament of Como* • Mr. Canning has represented the royal consort of his Majesty George IV . as the “ grace and ornament of every society ;" - a sweeping compliment that admits of a general application. 52 Had priz'd endowments, which at bottom prove Ramifications of the plant of love ." ( Loud laughter . ) W -- D . Now sapient W - d, that alderman so great, Who, in the pomp and pageantry of state, For two whole years a city monarch shone, Dispensing justice from his cockney throne, And sending barlots, with their flashmen , hopping, Beyond the bounds of Temple Bar and Wapping ;*

• It is but justice to the alderman to say, that, during the

two successive years of his mayoralty, he proved himself a most active chief magistrate, and deserved the approbation of his fellow -citizens. He was the terror of thieves and prostitutes; and humanity will applaud the zeal with which he took up the case of the poor Irishmen, who had been made the dupes of wretches as atrocious as any that had ever lain in wait for innocent blood. Upon his public conduct since that period, different opinions have been advanced, according to the poli tical bias of interested partisans; but the merits of those opinions sliall not here be discussed . 53 -- W - d , whom the halls.of Brandenburgh confess, The boldest squire of ladies in distress ; Whom Count Vassali hails with heartfelt glee, And Countess Oldi calls her cher ami, : Because their pensions, as they think, were sav'd By his emprise, so nobly be behav'd ; Now does he in his wonted style essay A congruous, clear, consecutive display. “ I hope and trust the House will not expect That I shou'd now her Majesty protect, By telling of the various facts I know ; And I ashore * the House they'll give a blow , A blow , that, falling like a clap of thunder, Will strike the nation and the House with wonder. I was at breakfast, in my morning gown, · My eldest daughter, then, was out of town ;

• Assure.

E 2 54 My youngest boy was sitting by my side ; My eldest son had just gone out to ride ; My cook and butler had that day got marry'd, And , three months after, the poor bride miscarry'd . (A laugh. ) I'm thus minute, to shew that I can tell The very day I heard from Serjeant Pell A fine quotation , -Iforget the book From which these words the learned Serjeant took : * • But he who filches from me my good name,' Let all the queen's traducers, to their shame, Observe the words, and learn at last to stop ; Now off to France I soon resolv'd to pop .

• It is an undoubted fact, that in all cases of defamation, in

which the learned Sergeant happens to be professionally en gaged , this quotation is as necessary to him an his brief. 由 55 . I certainly no longer cou'd remain , From circumstances which. I can't explain ; I take no credit in the thing, pot I ; My services Inever cou'd deny: To any lady ; and for Caroline, Our gracious queep ! my life I wou'd resign. Cheers. ) When I discover'd that the noble lord Presiding at the Admiralty Board ; His father held a place of pow'r and trust ; He well deser ' d it, no man was more just : The present peer, I'm shore* is just likewise. But, when I look’d , and , op'ning of my eyes, Perceiv'd he had our navy at command, I cou'd not well the reason understand Sure,. ! 56 Why he refus'd to send a frigate over, To bring her royal Majesty to Dover. But, as I long suspected what was mean, I went to fetch her from the Continent. Her enemies I knew to be at work , The House will hear of Mahomet the Turk . I'd scarcely landed in the town of Calais When I was shock'd with tales of horrid malice ; I'm very shore the House wou'd feel surprise Were I to mention half the odious lies That were repeated by some persons there ; A barber, who was dressing of my hair, The fellow came with scissors, brush, and comb, (A laugh .) I left my usial instruments at home: But that's no matter !-from bis information I learn'd the schemes that were in contemplation 57: To stop her Majesty upon her rout ; And all the secret plans he spoke about Were deeply laid . I thank'd him for the clue ; He earn'd a franc, I freely gave him two. ( Laughter.) While reading of a book in my hotel, I heard an individghal ring the bell. Who might he be ?-a courier from the queen Despatch'd to me, as some before had been , On business, which the House will know much better, If, with their leave, I read her gracious letter . ( Cries of Read ! read ! and No ! no !) " Tis very short ; her Majesty confines . Her longest letter to a hundred lines ; Indeed, I think, she sent me half a score Containing only forty lines or more. 58 i Of course her Majesty can't condescend To write as much as any common friend , Yet I ashore the House she writes to me, As to a friend most unreservụd and free. I hope and trust the House, if I proceed (Loud cries of question !: louder cries of read. ! :) K - Tu D --GL - S . “ Sir, as the letter may perhaps contain Allusions, of a nature to arraign Some individuals who have had a share In the development of this affair ; I do contend, it ought not to be read Till all the parties to the bar are led , Sedition, sir, is spreading far and wide, The writers on the democratic side Can with a goose- quill their opponents drub, They wield it as did Hercules his club : Our friends they'll soon annihilate, unless We place some strong restrictions on the press . ( Hear ! hear ! and question ! Order ! order ! hear ! ) W..d:- “ No gentleman has any thing to fear , This letter, sir, says not a single word About the agents of the noble lord ; 'Tis written in the most familiar style, So much so, that it caus'd mywife to smile ;

• It will be recollected, that this gentleman upon one occa sion urged the necessity of something like a censorship on the

press, without having any argument to produce in support of so odious a measure but the inequality of talent between the writers on both sides. He contended that the journals espousing the cause of the government were beaten out of the field by the papers in the interest of the Whigs and Radicals, and therefore the freedom of the press must be further restrained by some powerful legislative enactment! 7 60 Says Mrs. W--d, My dear, I'm sure, (says she,) : You think the queen far pref'rable to me ; ' (A loud laugh . This joke was quite in her good- natur'd way, She knows, full well, I rever went astray. ( Continued laughter. ) From what I've said, the House I trust will now The reading of this document allow . " The House consents ; and then, with bashful tone Of seeming diffidence, he thus goes on : come. Dear Mister W -- d , come to me soon I beg, I'm now at supper, eating of an egg ; To -morrow morning, by the break of day, I'll start for Flanders without more delay ; You are the friend on whom I most rely , I long to taste an English apple-pie - 61 If you detain me, I shall be undone, Now do, dear creature, like a race- horse run ; In my opinion you have always stood So high, that I ashore yoa, Mister W..d, I feel a more sincere regard for you Than any Englishman I ever knew : Straight to St. Omer's I intend to post, A single moment must not now be lost ; Pray meet me there on Friday evening next- ' " S -MN - R , to order Sir, I must rise to interrupt the text ; A barber's story ,-false, no doubt, as Homer's, – And an old woman's journey to St. Omer's , With this plain question have no more to do Than I had with the French at Waterloo . (A laugh.) 62 The point on which we're call'd upon to vote, Is, whether we shall entertain or not . A vile petition, stuff ? d with all the slang Of ribbon -weavers, a most scurvy gang. Sir, I contend it would pollute the sack Where purer parchiment ev'ry day we pack : The queen has left her tradesmen's bills unpaid, The cash is to Bergami all convey'd .” ( Order ! order ! ) W -- d : - " The honourable member I defy ; To prove the fact, let him at once apply,

• It may be necessary to inform those who have never been

within the walls of St. Stephen's , that there is there a capa cious leather bag, which serves as a depositary for petitions till they are “ disposed of” in some practical way. There are none who “ treat the petitions ofthe people with more callous indifference " than tailors, or whose measures more frequently prove how little respect is paid to them . . 63 And all the claims he makes, however large, I shall, I'm shore, immediately discharge. Now, as for Bergami, I can declare 2 His coat and small-cloathes wanted somerepair, And his mustachios were quite out of trim , Mustachios are an ornament to him , Tho' as for me, I'm shore I should bejeer'd Were I to wear two branches of my beard , Starch'd up with black pomatum to the tip , And then spread out upon my upper lip. But, sir, I say that Bergami's attire, A speedy renovation did require'; When at St. Omer's, where he took hisleave, . Some awkward rents I chanc'd for to perceive : Why, sir, had he been well supply'd with cash He shorely would have cut a brilliant dash .

4{( 64 Her Majesty, in taking off her cloak- " ( Hem ! Order ! order ! Question ! question ! Spoke!, Sp -- k -r : - " The honourable Alderman must see, That nothing can be more disorderly Than for a member, by a sad mistake, The question altogether to forsake. "? The Alderman, of course, could not do less Than make his bow and promptly acquiesce ; This having done, he soon resuw'd his seat, Resolv'd, next time, two speeches to complete. L -RD L - TH-R. “ One fact I can with confidence attest, From which the House may well presume the rest,-- An equipage I saw with my own eyes That fill'd all France with envy and surprise : *

• The noble Lord, at the time the provision for the queen

became the subject of discussion in the House, described , in a 65 The Parisians were astonish'd at the sight Of Bergami with twelve Arabians white, Each horse caparison'd in burnish'd gold , 2 The youngest was a famous three -year- old ; ( A laugh .) His yellow carriage seemed a glitt'ring mine,- I never saw a vehicle so fine ; His green barouche, an emerald was set Within a shining frame of polish'd jet ; His English chariot, curricle, and coach, To others were a most superb reproach ; His suite , compos'd at least oftwenty -two, Were all array'd in silks of Tyrian hue, style of Eastern exaggeration, the gorgeous display made by Bergami at Paris. The noble lord has a fine vivid fancy, and his powers in the descriptive are of the highest order. --- - ! 66 Emboss'd with gold , and floating in the gale, 1 The perfumes ofArabia to exhale. . ( Hear ! hear ! hear ! and loud laughter .) As to himself, let it suffice to say, That language fails his raiment to pourtray, The blazing pendents dangling athis ears Might once have ransom'd thousands from Algiers, And half the genís that on his mantle green Like daisies on the velvet turf were seen Might have redeem'd, if sold, like stanips on wills, A million sterling of Exchequer Bills. Some monks beheld him and were scandaliz’d, They view'd him as a demon undisguis’d, A frightful fiend return'd from Palestine With treasures plunder'd at the holy shrine... Bi Er 67 Now , when at Paris he display'd such riches, Why at St. Omer's had he not good broeches ? To the petition , sir, I can't assent, $ ' Tis wicked, both in language and intent.

. r ( Hear, hear, hear . )

I BR --GH - M .: . With bitt'rest satire frowning on a face Whose lines no pencil faithfully cou'd trace,* Br-- gh - m advances from a bench that mocks Our eyes with C - lcr.ft in the seat of Fox , Acute as cogent, fluent as precise, He urges no one proposition twice,

• There is a certain expression in Mr. Br-- gh -m’s face which defies the powers of any artist to delineate correctly. The pro file likeness of him intheshops, representingshim in a striking

attitude on the queen's trial, is the best I have seen , but that is by no means a perfect one. -- - 68 Nor ever ventures in his wordy war Beyond the steady impulse of his car . " The man ," he cries, " whose task is to contend With pow'rs that all the shades of talent blend, At any time might well appear afraid Against such pow'rs to place himself array'd , But their dread force, as awful he regards, When found concenter'd in two mighty lords. (A laugh . ) The noble viscount, in his usual style , Has plainly sought our reason to beguile, And sure I am the House will not in laste Forget that speech, at once sublime and chaste, By which his noble friend has clearly shown That men at Paris never pass unknown, 69 While each gay tourist gets his destin'd share n Of splendid notoriety when there. Yet none cou'd hear the statements we bave heard, (For wbich I'm sure the house was not prepar'd ,) (a laugh .) But must perceive, that in the soaring flight Which vent'rous Fancy wing'd to such a height, She learn'd from Jealousy her course to steer Ere she was led to quit her native sphere. At home accustom'd to the vulgar gaze When he rides out in tilbury or chaise, The noble lord was tortur'd , when in France, To find that Bergami had greater chance With jaded palfreys the haut ton to hit Than be with steeds that champ'd the foaming bit. ( Hear , hear, hear . ) F 2 70 . Hence , sir, the glowing archetype he drew , Hence the proud pageant glitt'ring in our view ; Envy propellid his fine imagination > To riot in sublimest transformation :: ( Repeated cheers, and laughter. ) Old spür-gal'd hạçksArabian coursers rise, , And rude voitures at once we recognize As vehicles that challenge ev'ry maker J Who gilds the Park with fashion from Long Acre .*

4

• As there is no doubt whatever that this egregious perform ance will find its way to John O'Groat's House as well as to the

Land's End, I think it right to inform the good people at both those extremities of our Island, that the most splendid coaches, chariots, curricles, gigs, tilburies, dennets, &c. &c. displayed in Hyde Park every Sunday, to the great scandal of a serious Christians," are turned out from a certain street in the British Metropolis, ' yclept Long Acre. 71 The servants too ; as wretched lazzaroni

.

As ever swallow'd ropes of macaroni, Because they shine in tinsel'd tatters gay, 1 Like chimney-sweeperson the first of May, - Assume a more magnificentastire ! Than the Grand Turk wouldfor his suite desire . The object of the noble lord is plains . We find in his inimitable strain wi sta Au anxious wish to make the House believe ... That Bergami was certain to receive : Whatever money to the queen was sent While she resided on the Continent. A charge more groundless never yet was made ; That individual punctually was paid ; But who can prove he got a single sous Beyond the fix'd and certain stipend due ? 72 Much has been said about the fine estate He's got near Milan ; and the stylish rate In which he figures thro' the country round : But what's the fact ? a little patch of ground, Not more than thirty acres, he has bought, A rugged, poor, and unproductive, spot As any by those abject vassals till'd Whose numbers at the late election fill'd The servile train that compass'd my defeat, And gave the noble lord his present seat. ( Hear, hear, hear . ) I know not, sir, nor can I well surmise, Wbat the words moral altitude' comprise, But, if the noble viscount wou'd imply Exalted virtues, not attainments high , .| 73 Then I assert, (I speak, sir, as I think , )

A viscount may below a menial sink. ( Loud cheers from the Opposition Benches . ) " Tis not for me minutely to inquire Why queens will sometimes teach men to aspire, Nor shall I ask why kings profusely shed Distinction proud on many a worthless head ; Princes are free from all severer ties That wou'd restrict them to the good and wise ; And therefore ought we to proclaim their praise, If modest worth by accident they raise : The noble viscount, I'm persuaded , knows How far at court the slightest merit goes, When found combin'd with arts that can allure, And Protean manners seeking to ensure 1 74 The partial smile, as practis:d wiles suggest The proper guise that can conceal them best; ets " ( Repeated cheers. ) In these attainments Bergami can'tdare : . With more accomplish'dfav? ritės to compare. I shall not, sir, provoke discussion DOW .,; : About the when , the wherefore," and the how , That noted person from the queen obtain'd 1 More mark'd regard than othersertantogain'd ; A future.day will clearly show the cause ; ** Meanwhile I ask thesafeguard of the laws, And call upon the House to interpose Between my royal client and her foes : She seeks no favour ; all that she demands Is fair impartial justice at your hands. 1 75 As to the motion, I can only say , Let some oppose petitions as they may, The cause of innocence must still prevail O'er guilt, with Green- Bag falsehood at its tail ." ( Continued cheers. ) SIR J-PH Y - ke . * ū " In all my life I've never been afloat: In a more crazy, wriggling, leaky boát i i

• At St. Stephen's there are many honourable gentlemęp

who set up for wits with fewer pretensions than this gallant Baronet, who frequently says “ a good thing ” in a peculiar way . Having received a naval edncation, he draws abundantly on that prolific source for his humourous allusions, and very often with a happy effect. He delights in the ludicrous and extravagant; nor can be treat any subject seriously, however momentous in its character andconsequences. He realizes, to a certain degree , the coarse drollery of Commodore Trunnion, but wants the dis tinctive attributes with which the genius of Smollett has invested that whimsical son of Neptune. 76 Than that in which our crew * embark'd to.night, Because a lumb'ring schooner hove in sight ; t If thus our tars must run all risks to board Small craft, that can no recompence afford, While the first rates defy us in the offing : ( Hear, hear, from C -ckb-rn and Sir Is - c C - ff - n :) Then I maintain that nothing can be worse Than such a blind infatuated course ; Besides, 'tis perfect lunacy to waste Our ammunition with such eager haste, And leave the gun - room scantily supply'd, When th' enemy shall give us a broadside. (A laugh .) The ministerial party , on whose side he generally votes. + This allusion to P - t- r is infinitely less courteous than appo. site. 77 Now , as for Bergami, let me be plaio, On ev'ry mast, the mizen or the main , He show'd himself an able , skilful hand, And, when promoted to the chief command, He trimm'd his ship so nicely to the gale That she could scud, while others made no sail. ( A laugh .) With her top -gallant bagging * in the breeze, He steer'd her safely through the roughest seas To distant shores, which, at no time before, So old a frigate ventured to explore : She's now laid up in ord'nary ' tis said , But not at Chatham , Plymouth , or Spithead,

• Vela facit tamen et plenis sabit ostiá vélis. .

Virg. Æneid, lib . v. 1. 281. 78 . And in the port to which she has been brought, She soon must fall a prey to the dry rot.

( Hear ! hear ! and laughter. )

Her captain now, the toils of service over , Like Hatchway, anchors in a field of clover. * Had he not been from his experience able To suit his -anchor to his strength of cable,

• The reader who is conversant with the writings of Smollett,

as every reader must be who is not insensible to genuine humour, cannot have forgotten the truly laughable description he gives of the hunting -scene in which Trunnion and Jack Hatchway cut so conspicuous a figure. The Commodore, finding himself unable to restrain the spirited animal on which he is mounted , envies the good fortuneof his friend, who, by a lucky accident, had been brought to the ground in a favourable position, and, while hurried through the meadow , where he sees Jack seated at his ease , takes occasion to utter the feeling exclamation of “ D - n you , youare at anchor:”: : ) 79 And with the weather made his jibs to shift, .. He long ago had found himself adrift ; His stern to the Barona had been plac'd, * Nor had his prow the Villa d :Estè fac ? d . Continued laughter.. ): Yet safe on shore, bis eonsequence is great ; His ' patch of ground, sit, is a large estate. ' Tis stuff to say thatlike old Cincinnatus lä laugh .) He ploughs his farm , and plants it with potatoes.

• The facetious baronet observed , on a recent occasion ,

to a gallant admiral, who did not appear satisfied with ' his conduct while he held a certain office, that “ had be ( the ad miral) been in his place he would have acted precisely in the same manner, otherwise he would have soon found himself with his stern to the Admiralty . ” How necessary is discretion to men who would not fight with their bread and butter, merely because it happened to cost John Bull a higher price than be was disposed to pay for it ! 80 But by the way that fine nutritious root, In London tarerns sold as Irish fruit, Was not to farmer Cincinnatus known ; A better esculent has never grown. All this, however, is not to the question ; And , if I now might venture a suggestion , I would advise my honourable friends To see how far the enemy's line extends, Before they give the signal for attack , And risk the glories of the Union Jack .” ( Loud cheers and laughter .) He ceased; and coughs proclaimed that H - g- te rose : The motion then was carried by the “ Noes."

81 ECONOMY AND RETRENCAMENT . 1 Meanwhile, does H -me, thatplodding pioneer,* His nose intrude upon R - c -rdo's ear :t .

• Ofall the men that have ever taken an active part in the

proceedings at St. Stephen's, this determined opponent of ministerial extravagance is certainly the most indefatigable. It happens, however, that very little good is effected by his unwearied industry , and upon various occasions bis statements have no sooner been made than satisfactorily refuted . In this respect, he may be compared to the man in the fable, who is always running about, and appears up to his eyes in business, but does nothing. His attention is chiefly directed to the details of onr public expenditure, and his information , in most instances, is very inaccurate . With a greater share of self complacency than usually falls to the lot of any man more diffi dent than himself, he descants opon the merest trifles, till the patience of the house becomes exhausted. He is one of those + Before he brings forward any ofhis important propositions, he takes occasion to avail himself of the collective wisdom of his party . G 82 The two Sir Roberts then leni susurro, The one the boasted Scipio of the Borough, The other known at Lincoln as a sage,* He next consults - great oracles of the age ! whose habits are too inveterate to be corrected by example, and whose opinions are too stubborn to be altered by argument. No matter what topic he takes up, he is always inaccessible to reason, always ready to oppose his perverse and prolix aberra tions to the force of truth. Like Goldsmith's Parish School master, “ Even though vanquish'd , he could argue still.” The only measure of practical economy that has hitherto resulted from his labours is the discharge of several clerks, many of whom , with their families, are thrown destitute upon the world , beingdeprived of the little stipend from which they derived a scanty support. I think that few even of Mr. H- me's partisans will admire this species of economy, the merit of which is mainly to be ascribed to him.

• The baronet is worthy of the knight, and the -knight is

worthy of the baronet. They act together. in the same cause, and both are staunch supporters of Mr. H -me. 83 - -- B-n-t and Bor-n -l, M - n - k and Absolute ,* Whose intellects he holds in high repute, Are also at this pregnant moment seen Conversing with the man of Aberdeen ; Who, now deposing from the mount of sense The brimmer large, that crowns, its rigid fence, Stands on two legs, reported to be twins, And, with these words, immediately begins : “ Sir, after the discussion we have heard , I dauntt intend to say a single word

• Absolute Wisdom is a personage so 'well known, that the

words are quite sufficient to indicate the man. How far the designation is appropriate , Mr. Br - gh -m , the gentleman who first conferred it, is best qualified to judge; one fact, however, is certain, that many reflecting Englishmen are sceptical as to whether the suge in question can vie with a celebrated king of the Hebrews. Perhaps, Sir Mappasseh Masseh, or Masseh Manasseh Lopez, could set the matter at rest. + The Scotch pronunciation for don't. i 84 Upon that subject; but the hour will come When I shall strike the queen's detractors dumb. My object now is aunly * to remark On points too long neglected in the dark. It cannot be too generally known That at this time in th ' Island of Ceylon The mode of catching elephants in kraels A charge beyond all precedent entails. From some returns that I have with me here, I find not less than thirty pounds a -year Paid to a man whose duty is to see That the young tusks sustain no injury . What ! thirty pounds a.year for guarding teeth ! When first I started from the port of Leith,

• Only.

. i + 85 Not half the money could I call my own : The funds I bad were rais'd by way of loan. But, sir, I shall be confidently told That iv'ry tusks, like precious bars of gold, Are worth securing at a high expense. This I admit ; yet men of common sense Must clearly see, that iv'ry, when ' tis got At more expense and trouble than it oat, * Is not an article that can be made Conducive to a profitable trade. In times like these of pressure and distress, Men shou'd resign the costly toys of chess, And all the iv'ry gewgawsthat they buy At an amount extravagantly high.

• Ought.

G 2 86 Our ladies too by no nieans oat to wear Transparent tortoise in their braided hair ; In my opinion , combs of polish'd horn Their locks wou'd now more gracefully adorn. (Alaugh . ) Sir, I've nodoubt existing in my mind, That ministers, if they were so inclin'd , In th’Elephant Establishment could make A great reduction ; let them aunly take io From all the kraels the useless hands that man 'en, And they will save three hundred pounds per annum . Besides this change, let them reduce the pay

In English coin to thirteen perce a day

For each inspector, and at once discharge Sixteen or more ; the number is too large 87 But this retrenchment we cannot expect, For patronage they'll ev'ry thing reject " Sp - k -r. “ Does the honourable gentleman propose To make a motion ?" H-me : - “ Sir, I aunly rose To state the fact; but I give nottice That this day fortvight, should affairs allow, NOW I shall submit a motion for returns Ofev'ry'sum that ev'ry kraelman earns ; Distinguishing the fund from which the same Is paid each year , and specifyingthe name Of ev'ry claimant, with his age and size ; E .. The bours he works, the quantum he supplies ; $ And whether station'd near a field or road, ii u Adjacent to, or far from , his abode. 88 YEOMEN OF THE GUARD. “ Another subject that requires to be Investigated most attentively Is the profuse extravagance we find At head and tail, before them and behind, In the strange dress that folly could award , To persons call’d the Yeomen of the Guard. ( Hear, hear, and laughter .) On gala days we see them march in groups Distinguish'd from the ordinary troops By ample folds of scarlet richly lac'd, Aud velvet hats with ribbons run to waste . Why, sir, a skilful tailor with his shears Might portion out for three huge greuadiers 89 Three long - tail'd garments from each shapeless vest, And be well paid by cabbaging the rest. (A loud laugh .) Sir, is it possible that we can view These glaring facts, and such a course pursue ? Sir, I contend we must, however loath , Soon ' cut our coat according to our cloth .' COAL -METERS. “ The house, I hope, will give me leave to add A word or two upon a case so bad That language of the strongest kind must fail , Its gross injustice fairly. to detail. It shows how far a system can proceed By which alone the drones of office feed, A system that, regardless of their worth , Neglects those hardy vet'rans from the North , --- -- ! . 90 My.countrymen , who fought before they fed, While lazy cockneys gorg'd and went to bed. (A laugh . ) No Abercrombies, Douglases, or Grahams, Are station'd as coal-meters on the Thames. * On these, a bold and independent race , The partial minister confers no place.

• This is only one of the numerous errors into which Mr. H.

is so apt to fall in the statements he makes. It is very well known, that, when any thing is to be given away , the Scotch are not forgotten, and no inconsiderable proportion of them will be found among the Coal-meters. They well deserve every encou ragement, for their claims are of no ordinary character ; and, in spite of all the virulent antipathy of Johnson and all the malig nity of Junias, a Scotchman must rank among the foremost in any country where talent is duly prized and integrity properly estimated . An excellent friend of mine, 4-Scotch:gentleman, in whose society it is difficult to say whether one is more amused than edified , wasthe person who reminded me of the mistake made by Mr. H. with respect to his countrymen . 91 Too proud to sue, they never haunt the spot Where the rewards of bows and scrapes are 'got. But is it, sir, because a Scotchman's féet Daun't chance to lead him into Downing Street, Or near the Treas'ry, that he must forego The claims of justice ? Sir, I answer, no ! As clever men as ever cross'd the Tweed Are disregarded for a puny breed Of stupid cockneys, insolent and vain, Who all the places on the Thames obtain : On ev'ry wharf where colliers land their coal, The cockney rules with absolute control. : * In short, because he has a lucky vot* He's sure to get whatever can be botot

• Vote. + Bought.

92 Sir, this corrupt monopoly is vile, And I'll give nottice in a little while Of some decisive motion that shall make The city jobbers and their masters quake." Cheers and laughter .) FOREIGN RELATIONS. Sir R. W- ls- n .-" I wish that a right honourable member Would state if, iu the month of last September, The government believed the fact as true That Eatooa , Wanga , -Rungaboo, The king of Dahomy, * design'd this year To summon every vassal Cobaceert

• A kingdom in Africa, of which very little is known.

+ A Dahoman chief, who makes his inferiors prostrate them selves before him with the same fear and trembling that he him self must shew in the presence of the king. i I 2 93 $ Within his realms, and send an Agaow * With all the force the country will allow , In aid of Turkey ' gainst the Arab Sheiks Who've join'd the cause of the insurgent Greeks ? From what I hear, it seems this barb'rous horde Is set in motion by a noble lord, L Not at this moment present in his place ; To him we owe this acme of disgrace . ( Hear, hear, hear, from the opposition benches.) The odious plot, as my ipforniant says, Was work'd at Abomy,t but fram'd at Fez.

• A Dahoman general.

+ The capital of the kingdom of Dahomy. 94 A The despot of Morocco was too vain Not to be flatter'd by the artful strain In which our cousul su'd for his compliance As leader in this African alliance. He tookthe bait, and, if I can believe Th' intelligence I happen'd to receive, His savage host will speedily repair : 7 , To join the Dahomaps I know not where ." VAN : - " I can't, in th' absence ofmy noble friend, ܀ Advert to topics which I apprehend The house ought not to canvass at this time, However well th' analysis may chime With politics that censure from reports Our close relations with those friendly courts.” ( Hear, hear, heur.) 5 s' ñI

---

N - l- n . " ' Tis very strange how gentlemen intrude Such trifling matters of small magnitude ; * And yet more strange how statements can be made Without foundation, merely to upbraid The just and faithful servants of the crown. ' Tis not because they gave me a silk gowa That I thro' life shall speak in their defence,

• For want of decency is want of sense ,

When information is so very scant. “ I rise to order ,” cries J - lin P - t - r Groot, “ There is no motion now before the house ." L - rd Cr-nborn :- " I move, sir, for returns of all the . ' grouse

• These identical words formed part of the admirable speech

in which this gentleman of the long robe ” discussed the merits of a certain bill respecting the Court of King's Benchi. + 1 --- 96 Consum'd in London , cook'd in ev'ry way, From eighteen hundred to last Christmas day; Distinguishing the females from the males, The colourof the feathers in their tails ; The baskets that convey'd them up to town, The vehicles that set those baskets down ; The total number sent to the Lord Mayor, Including days of ordinary fare ; The various places where each bird was shot, And whether poachers trespass'd there or not." Ordered . ) L-thbrudge and Lock -- rt, a distinguish'd pair, Most worthy rivals in the fame they bear, At the same moment caught the Sp - k -r's eye. The former rose , I'm sure he knew not why ; 97 The latter, in the prurience of his tongue, At random taking questions, right or wrong: To pipe orations both Arcadians burn'd, But down were cough'd, and then the house -- ADJOURN'D. FINIS PRO TEM. J. and C. ADLARD , Printeis, 3 , Burtholomew Close. 1

THE MONKS AND THE GIANTS : PROSPECTUS AND SPECIMEN OF AN INTENDED National work, BY م ly Herfindet Frere WILLIAM AND ROBERT WHISTLECRAFTƯ Teris...]OF STOW MARKET, IN SUFFOLK , HARNESS AND COLLAR MAKERS. INTENDED TO COMPRESE THE MOST INTERESTING PARTICULARS RELATING TO KING ARTHUR AND HIS ROUND TABLE. FOURTH EDITION . 1 LONDON : JOHN MURRAY, ALBEMARĘE STREET. 1821.

The following stanzas being for the most part the production of my late bro ther William Whistlecraft, as composed by him in the year 1813, I have judged (by the advice of my friends) that it would be more suitable to publish them without alteration in any respect, and to which I have adhered strictly, as may be seen by a reference to the thirteenth vi .. -- stanza. This I thought it due to have stated, in consideration of our having proposed the Two Boards for Verse and Prose, which in the present crisis might be stigmatized; but it is well known that the public opinion was more consonant to magnificence and useful encourage ment at that time than it has been for the last twelve months, or is likely to be the case again, unless the funds should ex perience a further advance, together with an improvement in the branches of Cus toms and Excise. The occasion of their remaining unpublished was in compliance vii with the advice of friends, though at present, in conformity with the pressure of the times, they have thought it ad visable that the following publication should take place, which, if an indulgent public should espouse it, it is intended that it should be followed in due course with a suitable continuation .

I. I've often wish'd that I could write a book , Such as all English people might peruse ; I never should regret the pains it took , That's just the sort of fame that I should choose : To sail about the world like Captain Cook , I'd sling a cot up for my favourite Muse, And we'd take verses out to Demarara, To New South Wales, and up to Niagara. BВ . 2 2

II. Poets consume exciseable commodities, They raise the nation's spirit when victorious, They drive an export trade in whims and oddities, Making our commerce and revenue glorious; As an industrious and pains-taking body ' tis That Poets should be reckon'd meritorious : And therefore I submissively propose To erect one Board for Verse and one for Prose. III. 1 . Princes protecting Sciences and Art I've often seen , in copper -plate and print; I never saw them elsewhere, for my part, And therefore I conclude there's nothing in't ; But every body knows the Regent's heart ; I trust he won't reject a well-meant hint ; Each Board to have twelve members, with a seat To bring them in per ann . five hundred neat :

.

1 3 IV. From Princes I descend to the Nobility: In former times all persons of high stations, Lords, Baronets, and persons of gentility, Paid twenty guineas for the dedications: This practice was attended with utility ; The patrons liv'd to future generations, The poets liv'd by their industrious earning , So men alive and dead could live by Learning. V. Then, twenty guineas was a little fortune ; Now , we must starve unless the times should mend : Our poets now - a- days are deem'd importune If their addresses are diffusely penn'd ; Most fashionable authors make a short one To their own wife, or child, or private friend, To show their independence, I suppose ; And that may do for Gentlemen like those. B 2 4 VI. Lastly, the common people I beseech Dear- People ! if you think my verses clever, Preserve with care your noble Parts of speech, And take it as a maxim to endeavour To talk as your good mothers us'd to teach, And then these lines of mine may last for ever ; And don't confound the language of the nation With long -tail'd words in osity and ation. VII. I think that Poets (whether Whig or Tory) (Whether they go to meeting or to church ) Should study to promote their country's glory With patriotic, diligent research ; That children yet unborn may learn the story, With grammars, dictionaries, canes , and birch : It stands to reason - This was Homer's plan, And we must do like him the best we can . 5 VIII. Madoc and Marmion, and many more, Are out in print, and most of them have sold ; Perhaps together they may make a score ; Richard the First has had his story told , But there were Lords and Princes long before, That had behav'd themselves like warriors bold ; Among the rest there was the great KING ARTHUR, What hero's fame was ever carried farther ? IX. King Arthur, and the Knights of his Round Table, Were reckon'd the best King, and bravest Lords, Of all that flourish'd since the Tower of Babel, At least of all that history records ; Therefore I shall endeavour, if I'm able, To paint their famous actions by my words: Heroes exert themselves in hopes of Fame, And having such a strong decisive claim , 6 1 · X. It grieves me much , that Names that were respected In former ages, Persons of such mark , And Countrymen of ours, should lie neglected, Just like old portraits lumbering in the dark : An error such as this should be corrected, And if my Muse can strike a single spark, Why then ( as poets say) I'll string my lyre; And then I'll light a great poetic Fire ; XI. I'll air them all, and rub down the Round Table, And wash the Canvas clean, and scour the Frames, And put a coat of varnish on the Fable, And try to puzzle out the Dates and Names ; Then (as I said before) I'll heave my cable, And take a pilot, and drop down the Thames These first eleven stanzas make a Proem , And now I must sit down and write my Poem .

ry I. BEGINNING ( as my Bookseller desires) Like an old Minstrel with his gown and beard, “ Fair Ladies, gallant Knights, and gentle Squires, “ Now the last service from the Board is clear'd , « And if this noble Company requires, “ And if amidst your mirth I may be heard, « Of sundry strange adventures I could tell, “ That oft were told before, but never told so well.” 8 II. THE GREAT KING ARTHUR made a sumptuous Feast, And held his Royal Christmas at Carlisle, And thither came the Vassals, most and least, From every corner of this British Isle ; And all were entertain'd, both man and beast, According to their rank , in proper style ; The steeds were fed and litter'd in the stable, The ladies and the knights sat down to table. III. The bill of fare ( as you may well suppose ) Was suited to those plentiful old times, Before our modern luxuries arose, With truffles and ragouts, and various crimes ; And therefore, from the original in prose I shall arrange the catalogue in rhymes : They serv'd up salmon , venison, and wild boars By hundreds, and by dozens, and by scores. 9 3IV. Hogsheads of honey, kilderkins of mustard, Muttons, and fatted beeves, and bacon swine ; . Herons and bitterns, peacock, swan and bustard , Teal, mallard, pigeons, widgeons, and in fine Plum -puddings, pancakes, apple-pies and custard : And therewithal they drank good Gascon wine, With mead , and ale, and cyder of our own ; For porter, punch, and negus, were not known. V. The noise and uproar of the scullery tribe, All pilfering and scrambling in their calling, Was past all powers of language to describe The din of manful oaths and female squalling : The sturdy porter, huddling up his bribe, And then at random breaking heads and bawling, Outcries, and cries of order , and contusions, Made a confusion beyond all confusions ; --- | 10 VI . Beggars and vagabonds, blind, lame, and sturdy, Minstrels and singers with their various airs, The pipe, the tabor, and the hurdy- gurdy, Jugglers and mountebanks with apes and bears, Continued from the first day to the third day, An uproar like ten thousand Smithfield fairs ; There were wild beasts and foreign birds and creatures, And Jews and Foreigners with foreign features. 1 VII. All sorts of people there were seen together, All sorts of characters, all sorts of dresses ; The fool with fox's tail and peacock's feather, Pilgrims, and penitents, and grave burgesses ; The country people with their coats of leather, Vintners and victuallers with cans and messes ; Grooms, archers, varlets, falconers and yoemen , Damsels and waiting-maids, and waiting -women i 11 VIII. But the profane, indelicate amours, The vulgar, unenlighten'd conversation Of minstrels, menials, courtezans, and boors, ( Although appropriate to their meaner station ) Would certainly revolt a taste like yours ; Therefore I shall omit the calculation Of all the curses, oaths, and cuts and stabs, Occasion'd by their dice, and drink, and drabs. IX. We must take care in our poetic cruise, And never hold a single tack too long ; Therefore my versatile ingenious Muse Takes leave of this. illiterate, low -bred throng, Intending to present superior views, Which to genteeler company belong, And show the higher orders of society Behaving with politeness and propriety. 1 12

X. And certainly they say, for fine behaving King Arthur's Court has never had its match ; True point of honour, without pride or braving, Strict etiquette for ever on the watch : Their manners were refin'd and perfect - saving Some modern graces, which they could not catch , As spitting through the teeth, and driving stages, Accomplishments reserv'd for distant ages. XI. They look'd a manly, generous generation ; Beards, shoulders, eyebrows, broad, and square, and thick, Their accents firm and loud in conversation , Their eyes and gestures eager, sharp, and quick, Show'd them prepard, on proper provocation, To give the lie, pull noses, stab and kick ; And for that very reason , it is said, They were so very courteous and well - bred. 13 XII. The ladies look'd of an heroic race At first a general likeness struck your eye, Tall figures, open features, oval face, Large eyes, with ample eyebrows arch'd and high ; Their manners had an odd , peculiar grace, Neither repulsive, affable, nor shy, Majestical, reserv'd , and somewhat sullen ; Their dresses partly silk , and partly woollen . XIII. In form and figure far above the rest, Sir Launcelot was chief of all the train , In Arthur's Court an ever welcome guest ; Britain will never see his like again. Of all the Knights she ever had the best, Except, perhaps, Lord Wellington in Spain : I never saw his picture nor his print ; From Morgan's Chronicle I take my hint. 14 1 XIV. For Morgan says (at least as I have heard, And as a learned friend of mine assures ), Beside him all that lordly train appear'd Like courtly minions, or like common boors, As if unfit for knightly deeds, and rear'd To rustic labours or to loose amours ; He mov'd amidst his peers without compare, So lofty was his stature, look, and air. XV . Yet oftentimes his courteous cheer forsook His countenance, and then return'd again, As if some secret recollection shook His inward heart with unacknowledged pain ; And something haggard in his eyes and look (More than his years or hardships could explain ) Made him appear, in person and in mind, Less perfect than what nature had design'd. 15 XVI. Of noble presence, but of different mien, Alert and lively, voluble and gay, Sir TRISTRAM at Carlisle was rarely seen , But ever was regretted while away ; With easy mirth, an enemy to spleen, His ready converse charm'd the wintery day ; No tales he told of sieges or of fights, Or foreign marvels, like the foolish Knights, XVII. But with a playful imitative tone ( That merely seem'd a voucher for the truth ) Recounted strange adventures of his own , The chances of his childhood and Kis youth , Of churlish Giants he had seen and known, Their rustic phrase and courtesies uncouth, The dwellings, and the diet, and the lives Of savage Monarchs and their monstrous Wives : 16 . XVIII. Songs, music, languages, and many a lay Asturian or Armoric, Irish, Basque, His ready memory seiz'd and bore away ; And ever when the Ladies chose to ask , Sir Tristram was prepar'd to sing and play, Not like a minstrel earnest at his task, But with a sportive, careless, easy style, As if he seem'd to mock himself the while. XIX. His ready wit and rambling education, With the congenial influence of his stars, Had taught him all the arts of conversation, All games of skill and stratagems of wars ; His birth , it seems, by Merlin's calculation , Was under Venus, Mercury, and Mars ; His mind with all their attributes was mixt, And, like those planets, wandering and unfixt; ! 17 - XX . From realm to realm he ran and never staid ; Kingdoms and crowns he wan — and gave away : It seem'd as if his labours were repaid By the mere noise and movement of the fray: No conquests nor acquirements had he made: His chief delight was on some festive day To ride triumphant, prodigal, and proud, And shower his wealth amidst the shouting crowd : XXI. His schemes of war were sudden , unforeseen , Inexplicable both to friend and foe ; It seem'd as if some momentary spleen Inspir'd the project and impell’d the blow ; And most his fortune and success were seen With means the most inadequate and low ; Most master of himself, and least encumber'd, When overmatch'd, entangled, and outnumber'd . C 18 XXII. Strange instruments and engines he contriv'd For sieges, and constructions for defence, Inventions some of them that have surviv'd , Others were deem'd too cumbrous and immense : Minstrels he lov'd , and cherish'd while he liv'd , And patronized them both with praise and pence ; Somewhat more learned than became a Knight, It was reported he could read and write. XXIII. Sir GAWAIN may be painted in a word , He was a perfect loyal Cavalier ; His courteous manners stand upon record, A stranger to the very thought of fear. The proverb says, As brave as his own sword ; And like his weapon was that worthy Peer, Of admirable temper, clear and bright, Polish'd yet keen, though pliant yet upright. _ 19 XXIV. On every point, in earnest or in jest, His judgment, and his prudence, and his wit, Were deem'd the very touchstone and the test Of what was proper, graceful, just, and fit ; A word from him set every thing at rest, His short decisions never fail'd to hit ; His silence , his reserve, his inattention , Were felt as the severest reprehension : XXV. His memory was the magazine and hoard, Where claims and grievances, from year to year, And confidences and complaints were stor'd , From dame and knight, from damsel, boor, and peer : Lor'd by his friends, and trusted by his Lord, A generous courtier, secret and sincere, Adviser -general to the whole community, He serv'd his friend, but watch'd his opportunity. 1 C 2 20 XXVI. One riddle I could never understand But his success in war was strangely various ; In executing schemes that others plann'd, He seem'd a very Cæsar or a Marius ; Take his own plans, and place him in command , Your prospect of success becameprecarious : His plans were good, but Launcelot succeeded And realized them better far than He did . XXVII. His discipline was stedfast and austere , Unalterably fix'd , but calm and kind ; Founded on admiration, more than fear, It seem'd an emanation from his mind ; The coarsest natures that approach'd him near Grew courteous for the moment and refin'd ; Beneath his eye the poorest, weakest wight Felt full of point of honour like a knight. 21 1 XXVIII. In battle he was fearless to a fault, The foremost in the thickest of the field ; His eager valour knew no pause nor halt, And the red rampant Lion in his Shield Scald Towns and Towers, the foremost in assault, With ready succour where the battle reeld : At random like a thunderbolt he ran , And bore down shields, and pikes, and horse, and man.

1 CANTO II . 11 .1

CANTO II. . I. I've finish'd now three hundred lines and more, And therefore I begin Canto the Second, Just like those wand'ring ancient Bards of Yore ; They never laid a plan, nor ever reckon'd What turning they should take the day before ; They follow'd where the lovely Muses beckond : The Muses led them up to Mount Parnassus, And that's the reason that they all surpass us. 26 II. The Muses serv'd those Heathens well enough Bold Britons take a Tankard, or a Bottle, And when the bottle's out, a pinch of snuff, And so proceed in spite of Aristotle Those Rules of his are dry, dogmatic stuff, All life and fire they suffocate and throttle And therefore I adopt the mode I mention, Trusting to native judgment and invention . III. ► This method will, I hope, appear defensible I shall begin by mentioning the Giants, A race of mortals, brutal and insensible, ( Postponing the details of the Defiance, Which came in terms so very reprehensible From that barbarian sovereign King Ryence) Displaying simpler manners, forms, and passions, Unmix'd by transitory modes and fashions. 27 IV. Before the Feast was ended, a Report Fill'd every soul with horror and dismay ; Some Ladies, on their journey to the Court, Had been surpris'd, and were convey'd away By the Aboriginal Giants, to their Fort An unknown Fort -- for Government, they say, Had ascertain'd its actual existence, But knew not its direction , nor its distance. A waiting damsel, crooked and mis- shap'd , Herself the witness of a woeful scene, From which , by miracle, she had escap'd, Appear'd before the Ladies and the Queen ; Her figure was funereal, veil'd and crap'd , Her voice convuls'd with sobs and sighs between, That with the sad recital, and the sight, Revenge and rage inflam'd each worthy knight. 28 VI. Sir Gawain rose without delay or dallying, “ Excuse us, madam , We've no time to waste " And at the palace- gate you saw him sallying, With other knights, equipp'd and armed in haste ; And there was Tristram making jests, and rallying The poor mis -shapen Damsel, whom he placed Behind him on a pillion, pad, or pannel ; He took , besides, his falcon and his spaniel. VII. But what with horror, and fatigue, and fright, Poor soul, she could not recollect the way. They reach'd the mountains on the second night, And wander'd up and down till break of day, When they discover'd, by the dawning light, A lonely glen , where heaps of embers lay ; Theyfound unleaven'd fragments, scorch'd and toasted , And the remains of mules and horses roasted. 29 VIII. Sir Tristram understood the Giants' courses He felt the embers, but the heat was out He stood contemplating the roasted horses, And all at once, without suspense or doubt, His own decided judgment thus enforces 6. The Giants must be somewhere here about ! ” Demonstrating the carcasses, he shows That they remain'd untouch'd by kites or crows ; IX . “ You see no traces of their sleeping here, “ No heap of leaves or heath, no Giant's nest “ Their usual habitation must be near “ They feed at sunset, and retire to resta “ A moment's search will set the matter clear. " The fact turn'd out precisely as he guess'd ; And shortly after, scrambling through a gully, He verified his own conjecture fully. 30 X. He found a Valley, closed on every side, Resembling that which Rasselas * describes ; Six miles in length , and half as many wide, Where the descendants of the Giant tribes Liv'd in their ancient Fortress undescried : ( Invaders tread upon each others kibes) First came the Britons, afterwards the Roman, Our patrimonial lands belong to no man : XI. So Horace said -- and so the Giants found; Expell’d by fresh invaders in succession ; But they maintain'd tenaciously the ground Of ancient, indefeasible possession, And robb’d and ransack'd all the country round ; And ventur'd on this horrible transgression, Claiming a right reserv'd to waste and spoil, As Lords and lawful owners of the soil.

• Prince of Abyssinia. See his Life, written by himself.

31 XII. Huge mountains of immeasurable height Encompass'd all the level Valley round, With mighty slabs of rock , that slop'd upright, An insurmountable, enormous mound ; The very River vanish'd out of sight, Absorb'd in secret channels under ground : That Vale was so sequester'd and secluded , All search for ages past it had eluded . XIII. High over head was many a Cave and Den, That with its strange construction seem'd to mock All thought of how they were contrivd, or when -Hewn inward in the huge suspended Rock , The Tombs and Monuments of mighty men : Such were the patriarchs of this ancient stock . Alas ! what pity that the present race Should be so barbarous, and deprav'd, and base ! 32 XIV . For they subsisted ( as I said ) by pillage, And the wild beasts which they pursu'd and chas'd : Nor house, nor herdsman's hut, nor farm , nor village, Within the lonely valley could be traced , Nor roads, nor bounded fields, nor rural tillage, But all was lonely, desolate, and waste. The Castle which commanded the domain Was suited to so rude and wild a Reign : XV . A Rock was in the centre, like a Cone, Abruptly rising from a miry pool, Where they beheld a Pile of massy stone, Which masons of the rude primæval school Had rear'd by help of Giant hands alone, With rocky fragments unreduc'd by rule, Irregular, like Nature more than Art, Huge, rugged, and compact in every part. . 33; 1

 !

XVI. But on the other side a River went, -- And there the craggy Rock and ancient Wall Had crumbled down with shelving deep descent ; Time and the wearing stream had work'd its fall : The modern Giants had repair'd the Rent, But poor , reduc'd , and ignorant withal, They patch'd it up, contriving as they could , With stones, and earth, and palisades of wood : XVII. Sir Gawain tried a parley, but in vain A true bred Giant never trusts a Knight He sent a Herald , who return'd again All torn to rags and perishing with fright ; A Trumpeter was sent, but he was slain To Trumpeters they bear a mortal spite : When all conciliatory measures fail'd , The Castle and the Fortress were assaild.

, ' 34 XVIII But when the Giants sawthem fairly under, They shovelld down a cataract of stones, A hideous volley like a peal of thunder, Bouncing and bounding down, and breaking bones, Rending the earth, and riving rocks asunder ; Sir Gawain inwardly laments and groans,, Retiring last, and standing most expos'd ; Success seem'd hopeless, and the combat clos’d. XIX . A Council then was call'd , and all agreed To call in succour from the Country round ; By regular approaches to proceed , Intrenching, fortifying, breaking ground . That morning Tristram happen'd to secede: It seems his Falcon was not to be found ; He went in search of her, but some suspected He went lest his advice should be neglected. S 35 XX. At Gawain's summons all the country came ; At Gawain's summons all the people aided ; They called upon each other in his name, And bid their neighbours work as hard as they did . So well belov'd was He, for very shame They dug, they delv'd , entrench'd , and palisaded , Till all the Fort was thoroughly blockaded , And every Ford where Giants might hare waded. XXI. Sir Tristram found his Falcon , bruis'd and lame, After a tedious search, as he averr'd , And was returning back the he came, way When in the neighbouring thicket something stirr’d , And flash'd across the path, as bright as flame: Sir Tristram follow'd it, and found a Bird Much like a Pheasant, only crimson red, With a fine tuft of feathers on his head. D2 36 XXII. 7 Sir Tristram's mind - invention -- pow’rs of thought, Were occupied, abstracted, and engag'd , Devising ways and means to have it caught Alive - entire - to see it safely cag'd : The Giants and their siege he set at nought Compar'd with this new warfare that he wag'd. He gain’d his object after three days wandering, And three nights watching, meditating, pondering, XXIII. And to the Camp in triumph he return'd : He makes them all admire the creature's crest , And praise and magnify the prize he earn'd . Sir Gawain rarely ventur'd on a jest, But ere his heart with indignation burn'd : “ Good Cousin, yonder stands an Eagle's nest! “ A Prize for Fowlers such as you and me. " Sir Tristram answer'd mildly, " We shall see. ” 37 XXIV. Good humour was Sir Tristram's leading quality, And in the present case he prov'd it such ; If he forbore, it was that in reality His conscience smote him with a secret touch , For having shock'd his worthy friend's formality He thought Sir Gawain had not said too much ; He walks apart with him — and he discourses About their preparation and their forces XXV. Approving every thing that had been done “ It serves to put the Giants off their guard “ Less hazard and less danger will be run « .I doubt not we shall find them unprepar'da « The Castle will more easily be won; “ And many valuable lives be spard ; " The Ladies else, while we blockade and throaten , Will most infallibly be kill'd and eater . ” 38 + XXVI. Sir Tristram talk'd incomparably well ; His reasons were irrefragably strong. As Tristram spoke Sir Gawain's spirits fell, For he discover'd clearly before long (What Tristram never would presume to tell ), That his whole system was entirely wrong ; In fact, his.confidence had much diminish'd Since all the preparations had been finish'd . XXVII. “ Indeed !" Sir Tristram said, “ for aught we know “ For aught that we can tell — this very night “ The valley's entrance may be clos'd with snow , “ And we may starve and perish here outright “ ' Tis better risking a decided blow “ I own this weather puts me in a fright.” Iu finé, this tedious conference to shorten, Sir Gawain trusted to Sir Tristram's fortune. 39 XXVIII. ' Twas twilight, ere the wint'ry dawn had kist With cold salute the mountain's chilly brow ; The level lawns were dark , a lake of mist Inundated the vales and depths below , When valiant Tristram , with a chosen list Of bold and hardy men, prepar'd to go, Ascending through the vapours dim and hoar, A secret track , which he descried before. XXIX. If ever you attempted, when a boy, To walk across the play -ground or the yard Blindfolded , for an apple or a toy, Which, when you reach'd the spot, was your reward, You may conceive the difficult employ Sir Tristram had, and that he found it hard, Depriv'd of landmarks and the power of sight, To steer. their dark and doubtful course aright. . {I XXX They climb'd an hour or more with hand and knee ; (The distance ofa fathom or a rood Was farther than the keenest eye could see ; ) At last the very ground on which they stood, The broken turf, and many a batter'd tree The crush'd and shatter'd shrubs and underwood Apprized them that they were arriv'd once more Where they were overwhelm'd the time before, XXXI. J : Sir Tristram saw the people in a fluster ; He took them to a shelter'd hollow place : They crowded round like chickens in a cluster, And Tristram , with an unembarrass'd face, Proceeded quietly to take a muster, To take a muster, and to state the case “ It was," he said, " an unexpected error , “ Enough to strike inferior minds with terror ; 41 XXXII. “ But since they were assembled and collected , " (All were assembled except nine or ten) “ He thought that their design might be effected ; “ All things were easy to determin'd men. “ If they would take the track which he directed, “ And try their old adventure once again , " He slapp'd his breast, and swore within an hour That they should have the Castle in their power. XXXIII. This mountain was like others I have seen ; There was a stratum or a ridge of stone Projecting high beyond the sloping green , From top to bottom , like a spinal bone, Or flight of steps, with gaps and breaks between A Copper - plate would make my meaning known Better than words, and therefore, with permission, Ill give a Print of it the next Edition. 42 1 XXXIV. Thither Sir Tristram with his comrades went, For now the misty cloud was clear'd away , And they must risk the perilous ascent, Right in the Giants' front, in open day: They ran to reach the shelter which it lent, Before the battery should begin to play. Their manner of ascending up that ridge Wasmuch like climbing by a broken bridge ; XXXV. For there you scramble on from pier to pier, Always afraid to lose your hold half way ; And as they clamber'd each successive tier Of rugged upright rocks, I dare to say, It was not altogether without fear Just fear enough to make brave people gay : According to the words of Mr. Gray, « They wound with toilsome march their long array." 43 XXXVI. The more alert and active upward sprung, And let down ropes to drag their comrades after ; Those ropes were their own shirts together strung, Stript off and twisted with such mirth and laughter, That with their jokes the rocky echoes rung : Like countrymen that on a beam or rafter Attempt to pass a raging wint'ry flood , Such was the situation where they stood : XXXVII. A wild tuniultuous torrent rag'd around, Offragments tumbling from the mountain's height; The whirling clouds of dust, the deafening sound, The hurried motion that amazed the sight, The constant quaking of the solid ground, Environ'd them with phantoms of affright ; Yet with heroic hearts they held right on, Till the last point of their ascent was ton . 44 XXXVIII. The Giants saw them ou the topmost crown Of the last rock, and threaten'd and defied “ Down with the mangy dwarfs there !-Dash them down ! “ Down with the dirty pismires !” — Thusthey cried . Sir Tristram , with a sharp sarcastic frown , In their own Giant jargon thus replied, Mullinger !—Cacamole !_and Mangonell ! “ You cursed cannibals -- I know you well XXXIX. « I'll see that pate of yours upon a post, “ And your left- handed squinting brother's too “ By Heaven and Earth , within an hour at most, “ I'll give the crows a meal of him and “ The wolves shall have you -_either raw or roast “ I'll make an end of all your cursed crew . " These words he partly said, and partly sang, As usual with the Giants, in their slang. you - 45 . XL. He darted forward to the mountain's brow The Giants ran away — they knew not why Sir Tristram gain'd the point- he knew not how He could account for it no more than I. Such strange effects we witness often now ; Such strange experiments true Britons try In sieges, and in skirmishes afloat, In storming heights, and boarding from a boat. XLI. True Courage bears about a Charm or Spell It looks, I think, like an instinctive Law By wbich superior natures daunt and quell Frenchmen and foreigners with fear and awe. I wonder if Philosophers can tell Can they explain the thing with all their jaw ? I can't explain it but the fact is so, A fact which erery midshipman must know , - - — + 46 XLII. Then instantly the signal was held out, To show Sir Gawain that the coast was clear : They heard his Camp re- echo with a shout In half an hour Sir Gawain will be here. But still Sir Tristram was perplext with doubt The crisis of the Ladies' fate drew near He dreaded what those poor defenceless creatures Might suffer from such fierce and desperate natures. XLIII. The Giants, with their brutal want of sense, In hurling stones to crush them with the fall, And in their hurry taking them from thence, Had half dismantled all the new -built Wall. They left it here and there, a naked fence Of stakes and palisades, upright and tall. 1 Sir Tristram form'd a sudden resolution , And recommended it for execution . 47 XLIV. “ My Lads, " he cried , " an effort must be made “ To keep those Monsters half an hour in play, “ While Gawain is advancing to our aid, " Or else the Ladies will be made away. By mounting close within the palisade, “ You'll parry their two-handed, dangerous sway « Their Clubs and Maces : recollect my words, “ And use your daggers rather than your swords. ” XLV. That service was most gallantly perform'd : The Giants still endeavour'd to repel And drive them from the breach that they had storm'd : The foremost of the Crew was Mangonell. At sight of him Sir Tristram's spirit.warm'd ; With aim unerring Tristram's falchion fell, Lopt off his Club and fingers at the knuckle, And thus disabled that stupendous Chuckle. 48 XLVI. The Giant ran, outrageous with the wound, Roaring and bleeding, to the palisade ; Sir Tristram swerv'd aside, and reaching round, Prob'd all his entrails with his poniard's blade : His Giant limbs fall thundering on the ground, His goggling eyes eternal slumbers shade ; Then by the head or heels, I know not which, They dragg’d him forth, and tost him in the Ditch. XLVII. Sir Tristram , in the warfare that he wag'd, Strove to attract the Giants' whole attention ; To keep it. undivided and engagéd , He rack'd his fiery brain and his invention ; And taunted and revil'd, and storm'd , and rag'd, In terms far worse, and more than I can mention . In the mean while, in a more sober manner , Sir Gawain was advancing with his banner. and 5 49 XLVIII. But first I must commemorate in Rhyme Şir Tristram's dext'rous swordmanship and might, ( This incident appears to me sublime), He struck a Giant's head off in the fight : The head fell down of course, but for some time The stupid, headless trunk remain'd upright; For more than twenty seconds there it stood , But ultimately fell from loss of blood. XLIX. Behold Sir Gawain with his valiant band ; He enters on the work with warmth and haste, And slays a brace of Giants out ofhand, Slic'd downward from the shoulder to the waist. But, our ichnography must now be plann'd, The Keep or Inner Castle must be trac'd . I wish myself at the concluding distich, Although I think the thing characteristic, R 50 L. Facing your Entrance, just three yards behind , There was a Mass of Stone of moderate height, It stood before you like a screen or blind : And there on either hand to left and right Were sloping Parapets or Planes inclin'd , On which two massy Stones were plac'd upright, Secur'd by Staples and by leathern Ropes, Which hinder'd them from sliding down the slopes. LI. “ —Cousin , those Dogs have some device or gin ! “ —I'll run the gauntlet - and I'll stand a knock- " He dash'd into the Gate through thick and thin He' hew'd away the bands which held the block It rush'd along the slope with rumbling din , And clos'd the entrance with a thundering shock , (Just like those famous old Symplegades Discover'd by the Classics in their seas.) 51 LII. This was Sir Tristram- (as you may suppose) He found some Giants wounded , others dead He shortly equalizes these with those ; But one poor Devil there was sick in bed , In whose behalf the Ladies interpose ; Sir Tristram spar'd his life, because they said That he was more humane, and mild, and clever, And all the time had had an ague -fever. LIII. The Ladies ?--They were tolerably well, At least as well as could have been expected : Many details I must forbear to tell, Their toilet had been very much neglected ; But by supreme good luck it so befell That when the Castle's capture was effected, When those vile cannibals were overpower'd , Only two fat Duennas were devour'd. E 2 52

LIV. Sir Tristram having thus secur'd the Fort, And seen all safe, was climbing to the Wall, (Meaning to leap into the outer Court ;) But when he came, he savd himself the fall, Sir Gawain had been spoiling all the sport, The Giants were demolish'd one and all : He pulld them up the Wall - they climb and enter Such was the winding up of this adventure. LV. The only real sufferer in the fight Was a poor neighbouring Squire of little fame, That came and join'd the party over-night ; He hobbled home, disabled with a maim Which he receiv'd in tumbling from a height: The Knights from Court had never heard his name, Nor recollected seeing him before Two leopards' faces were the arms he bore. 1 53 LVI. Thus Tristram , without loss of life or limb, Conquer'd the Giants' Castle in a day ; But whether it were accident or whim That kept him in the Woods so long away, In any other mortal except him I should not feel a doubt of what to say ; But he was wholly guided by his humour, Indifferent to report and public rumour. LVII. It was besides imagin’d and suspected That he had miss'd his course by deep design, To take the track which Gawain had neglected I speak of others' notions, not of mine : I question even if he recollected He might have felt a moment's wish to shine ; I only know that he made nothing of it, Either for reputation or for profit. 54 LVIII. The Ladies, by Sir Gawain's kind direction , Proceeded instantaneously to Court, To thank their Majesties for their protection. Sir Gawain follow'd with a grand escort, And was receiv'd with favour and affection. Sir Tristram remain'd loitering in the Fort; He thought the building and the scenery striking, And that poor captive Giant took his liking. LIX. And now the thread of our Romance unravels, Presenting new performers on the stage; A Giant's education and his travels Will occupy the next succeeding page : But I begin to tremble at the cavils Of this fastidious, supercilious age; Reviews, and paragraphs in morning papers The prospect of them gives my Muse the vapours. 55 LX. My dear, ” says she, “ I think it will be well “ To ascertain our losses or our gains : “ If this first sample should succeed and sell, " We can renew the same melodious strains. ” Poor soul! she's had , I think, a tedious spell, And ought to be consider'd for her pains. And keeping of my company so long A moderate compliment would not be wrong.

CANTO III.

CANTO III. I. “ I've a proposal here from Mr. Murray, “ He offers handsomely - the money down ; My dear, you might recover from your flurry “ In a nice airy lodging out of town, “ At Croydon , Epsom , any where in Surrey ; “ If every stanza brings us in a crown, “ I think that I might venture to bespeak « A bed - room and front parlour for next week . 60 . II. “ Tell me, my dear Thalia, what you think ; “ Your nerves have undergone a sudden shock ; “ Your poor dear spirits have begun to sink ; « On Banstead Downs you'd muster a new stock, “ And I'd be sure to keep away from drink, “ And always go to bed by twelve o'clock . “ We'll travel down there in the morning stages ; « Our verses shall go down to distant ages. III . « And here in town we'll breakfast on hot rolls, - And you shall have a better shawl to wear ; « These pantaloons of mine are chaf'd in holes ; By Monday next I'll compass a new pair : • Come, now , fling up the cinders, fetch the coals, “ And take away the things you hung to air, “ Set out the tea -things, and bid Phoebe bring “ The kettle up."-Arms and the Monks I sing. 61 " IV. Some ten miles off, an ancient abbey stood, Amidst the mountains, near a noble stream ; A level eminence, enshrin'd with wood, Slop'd to the river's bank and southern beam ; Within were fifty friars fat and good, Of goodly persons, and of good esteem , That pass'd an easy , exemplary life, Remote from want and care , and worldly strife. V. Between the Monks and Giants there subsisted, In the first abbot's lifetime, much respect ; The Giants let them settle where they listed ; The Giants were a tolerating sect. A poor lame Giant once the Monks assisted , Old and abandon'd, dying with neglect, The Prior found him , cur'd his broken bone, And very kindly cut him for the stone. --- ! 62 VI. 4 This seem'd a glorious, golden opportunity, To civilize the whole gigantic race ; To draw them to pay tythes, and dwell in unity ; The Giants' valley was a fertile place, And might have much enrich'd the whole community, Had the old Giant liv'd a longer space ; But he relaps'd, and though all means were tried , They could but just baptize him — when he died . VII. And, I believe, the Giants never kuew Of the kind treatment that befell their mate ; He broke down all at once , and all the crew Had taken leave, and left him to his fate ; And though the Monks expos'd him full in view , Propp'd on his crutches, at the garden gate, To prove their cure, and show that all was right, It happen'd that no Giants came in sight: · 63 .

VIII. They never found another case to cure, · But their demeanour calm and reverential, Their gesture and their vesture grave and pure, Their conduct sober, cautious, and prudential, Engag'd respect, sufficient to secure Their properties and interests most essential ; They kept a distant, courteous intercourse ; Salutes and gestures were their sole discourse. IX. Music will civilize, the poets say, In time it might have civiliz'd the Giants ; The Jesuits found its use in Paraguay ; Orpheus was famous for harmonic science, And civiliz'd the Thracians in that way ; My judgment coincides with Mr. Bryant's ; He thinks that Orpheus meant a race of cloisterers, Obnoxious to the Bacchanalian roisterers. 64 .. X. Decyphering the symbols of mythology, He finds them Monks, expert in their vocation : Teachers of music, med'cine, and theology, The missionaries of the barbarous Thracian ; The poet's fable was a wild apology For an inhuman bloody reformation, Which left those tribes unciviliz'd and rude, Naked and fierce, and painted and tattoo'd. XI. It was a glorious Jacobinic job To pull down convents, to condemn for treason Poor peeping Pentheus— to carouse and rob, With naked raving goddesses of reason, The festivals and orgies of the mob That every twentieth century come in season . Enough of Orpheus-- the succeeding page Relates to Monks of a more recent age ; 65 XII. And oft that wild untutor'd race would draw , Led by the solemn sound and sacred light Beyond the bank, beneath a lonely shaw , To listen all the livelong summer night, Till deep , serene, and reverential awe Environ'd them with silent calm delight, Contemplating the Minster's midnight gleam , Reflected from the clear and glassy stream ; XIII. But chiefly, when the shadowy moon had shed O'er woods and waters her mysterious hue, Their passive hearts and vacant fancies fed With thoughts and aspirations strange and new , Till their brute souls with inward working bred Dark hints that in the depth of instinct grew Subjèctive—not from Locke's associations, Nor David Hartley's doctrine of vibrations. F 66 XIV. Each was asham'd to mention to the others . One half of all the feelings that he felt, Yet thus far each could venture— “ Listen, brothers, “ It seems as if one heard heaven's thunder melt “ In music-- ! all at once it sooths - it smothers " It overpow'rs one - Pillicock , don't pelt ! “ It seems a kind of shame, a kind of sin, “ To vex those harmless worthy souls within . ” XV. In castles and in courts Ambition dwells, But not in castles or in courts alone ; She breath'd a wish, throughout those sacred cells, For bells of larger size, and louder tone ; Giants abominate the sound of bells, And soon the fierce antipathy was shown, The tinkling and the jingling, and the clangor, Rous'd their irrational gigantic anger, 67 XVI. Unhappy. mortals ! ever blind to fate ! Unhappy Monks ! you see no danger nigh ; Exulting in their sound and size and weight, From morn till noon the merry peal you ply : The belfry rocks, your bosoms are elate, Your spirits with the ropes and pullies fly ; Tir'd , but transported, panting, pulling, hauling, Ramping and stamping, overjoy'd and bawling. XVII. Meanwhile the solemn mountains that surrounded The silent valley where the convent lay, With tintinnabular uproar were astounded, When the first peal burst forth at break of day : Feeling their granite ears severely wounded , They scarce knew what to think, or what to say ; And ( though large mountains commonly conceal Their sentiments, dissembling what they feel, F 2 68 XVIII Yet) Cader- Gibbrish from his cloudy throne To huge Loblommon gave an intimation Of this strange rumour, with an awful tone, Thund'ring his deep surprise and indignation ; The lesser hills, in language of their own, Discuss'd the topic by reverberation ; Discoursing with their echoes all day long, Their only conversation was , “ ding-dong." XIX. Those giant-mountains inwardly were mov'd, But never made an outward change of place : Not so the mountain - giants- (as behov'd A more alert and locomotive race ), Hearing a clatter which they disapprov'd, They ran straight forward to besiege the place With a discordant universal yell, Like house-dogs howling at a dinner- bell. 69 XX. Historians are extremely to be pitied, Oblig'd to persevere in the narration Of wrongs and horrid outrages committed, Oppression, sacrilege, assassination ; The following scenes I wish'd to have omitted, But truth is an imperious obligation. So_ " my heart sickens, and I drop my pen," And am oblig'd to pick it up again, XXI. And, dipping it afresh , I must transcribe An ancient monkish record, which displays The savage acts of that gigantic tribe ; I hope, that from the diction of those days, This noble, national poem will imbibe A something ( in the old reviewing phrase), « Of an original flavour, and a raciness ;" I should not else transcribe it out of laziness. 170 XXII. The writer first relates a dream , or vision , Observ'd by Luke and Lawrence in their cells, And a nocturnal hideous apparition Of fiends and devils dancing round the bells : This last event is stated with precision ; Their persons he describes, their names he tells, Klaproth, Tantallan, Barbanel, Belphegor, Long -tail'd, long -talon'd, hairy, black , and meagre. XXIII. He then rehearses sundry marvels more, Damping the mind with horror by degrees, Of a prodigious birth a heifer bore, Of mermaids seen in the surrounding seas, Of a sea -monster that was cast ashore ; Earthquakes and thunder - stones, events like these, Whichserv'd to show the times were out of joint, And then proceeds directly to the point. 71 XXIV . Erant rumores et timores varii ; Dies horroris et confusionis . Evenit in calendis Januarii ; Gigantes, semen maledictionis Nostri potentes impii adversarii, Irascebantur campanarum sonis , Horà secundâ centum tres gigantes Venerunt ante januam ululantes. XXV . At fratres pleni desolationis, Stabant ad necessarium præsidium , Perterriti pro vitis et pro bonis, Et perduravit hoc crudele obsidium , Nostri claustralis pauperis Sionis, Ad primum diem proximorum Idium ; Tunc in triumpho fracto tintinnabulo, Gigantes ibantalibi pro pabulo. 72 - 1 om XXVI. Sed frater Isidorus decumbebat In lecto per tres menses brachio fracto, Nam lapides Mangonellus jaciebat, Et fregit tintinnabulum lapide jacto ; Et omne vicinagium destruebat, Et nihil relinquebat de intacto, Ardens molinos, Casas, messuagia, Et alia multa damna atque outragia. XXVII. Those Monks were poor proficients in divinity, And scarce knew more of Latin than myself; Compar'd with theirs they say that true Latinity Appears like porcelain compar'd with delf; As for the damage done in the vicinity, Those that have laid their Latin on the shelf May like to read the subsequent narration Done into metre from a friend's translation . 73 1 XXVIII.. Squire Humphry Bamberham , of Boozley Hall, (Whose name I mention with deserv'd respect), On market- days was often pleas'd to call, And to suggest improvements, or correct ; I own the obligation once for all, Lest critics should imagine they detect Traces of learning and superior reading, Beyond, as they suppose , my birth and breeding. XXIX. Papers besides, and transcripts most material, He gave me when I went to him to dine ; A trunk full, one coach - seat, and an imperial, One band - box - But the work is wholly mine ; The tone, the form , the colouring ethereal, “ The vision and the faculty divine, " The scenery, characters, and triple -rhymes, I'll swear it like old Walter of the Times. 74 ".XXX. Long, long before, upon a point of weight, Such as a ring of bells complete and new , Chapters were summon'd, frequent, full, and late ; The point was view'd in every point of view , Till, after fierce discussion and debate, The wiser monks, the wise are always few , That from the first oppos'd the plan in toto , Were over - borne, canonicali yoto. XXXI. A prudent monk, their reader and librarian , Observ'd a faction, angry, strong, and warm , ( Himself an anti-tintinnabularian ) He saw , or thought he saw , a party form To scout him as an alien and sectarian. There was an undefin'd impending storm ! The opponents were united, bold, and hot ; They might degrade, imprison him — what not ?: 1 75 XXXII. 6 Now faction in a city, camp, or cloister, While it is yet a tender raw beginner, Is nourish'd by superfluous warmth and moisture, Namely, by warmth and moisture after dinner ; And therefore, till the temper and the posture Of things should alter — till a secret inner Instinctive voice should whisper, all is right He deem'd it safest to keep least in sight. XXXIII. He felt as if his neck were in a noose, And evermore retir'd betimes from table, For fear of altercation and abuse, But made the best excuse that he was able ; He never rose without a good excuse, (Like Master Stork invited in the fable To Mr. Fox's dinner) ; there he sat, Impatient to retire and take his hat. 76 XXXIV. For only once or twice that he remain'd To change this constant formal course , he found His brethren awkward , sullen , and constrain'd, -He caught the conversation at a bound, And, with a hurried agitation, strain'd His wits to keep it up, and drive it round. -It sav'd him — but he felt the risk and danger, Behav'd -to like a pleasant utter stranger. XXXV. Wise people sometimes will pretend to sleep, And watch and listen while they droop and snore He felt himself a kind of a black sheep, But studied to be neither less nor more Obliging than became him — but to keep His temper, stile, and manner as before ; It seem'd the best, the safest, only plan, Never to seem to feel as a mark'd man . . ! 1777 . XXXVI. Wise Curs, when canister'd, refuse to run ; They merely crawl and creep about, and whine, And disappoint the Boys, and spoil the fun That picture is too mean — this Monk of mine Ennobled it, as others since have done, With grace and ease , and grandeur of design ; He neither ran nor howld, nor crept nor turn'd , But wore it as he walk'd, quite unconcern'd . XXXVII. To manifest the slightest want of nerve Was evidently perfect, utter ruin, Therefore the seeming to recant or swerve, By meddling any way with what was doing, He felt within himself would only serve To bring down all the mischief that was brewing; “ No duty binds me, no constraint compels “ To bow before the Dagon of the Bells, 78 . XXXVIII. “ To flatter this new foolery, to betray “ My vote, my conscience, and my better sense, “ By bustling in the Belfry day by day; “ But in the Grange, the Cellar, or the Spence, “ (While all are otherwise employ'd ), I may “ Deserve their thanks, at least avoid offence ; “ For (while this vile anticipated clatter “ Fills all their hearts and senses ), every matter XXXIX. “ Behoveful for our maintenance and needs “ Is wholly disregarded, and the course “ Of our conventual management proceeds “ At random , day by day, from bad to worse ; “ The Larder dwindles and the Cellar bleeds ! 6 Besides, besides the bells, we must disburse “ For masonry, for frame-work, wheels and fliers ; “ Next winter we must fast like genuine friars. ” 79 . XL. As Bees, that when the skies are calm and fair, In June, or the beginning of July, Launch forth colonial settlers in the air, Round , round, and round -about, they whiz, they fly, With eager worry whirling here and there, They know not whence, nor whither, where, nor why, In utter hurry -scurry, going, coming, Maddening the summer air with ceaseless humming ; XLI. Till the strong Frying - pan's energic jangle With thrilling thrum their feebler hum doth drown, Then passive and appeas'd , they droop and dangle, Clinging together close, and clust'ring down, Link'd in a multitudinous living tangle Like an old Tassel of a dingy brown ; The joyful Farmer sees, and spreads his hay, And reckons on a settled sultry day. 80 XLII. E'en so the Monks, as wild as sparks of fire, (Or swarms unpacified by pan or kettle ), Ran restless round the Cloisters and the Quire, Till those huge masses of sonorous metal Attracted them toward the Tower and Spire ; There you might see them cluster, crowd, and settle, Throng'd in the hollow tintinnabular Hive ; The Belfry swarm'd with Monks; it seem'd alive. XLIII. Then, while the Cloisters, Courts, and Yards were still, Silent and empty, like a long vacation ; The Friar prowl'd about, intent to fill Details of delegated occupation, Which, with a ready frankness and good will, He undertook ; he said , “ the obligation “ Was nothing — nothing -— he could serve their turn " While they were busy with this new concern ." ! 4 81 XLIV. Combining prudence with a scholar's pride, Poor Tully, like a toad beneath a harrow , Twitch'd, jerk'd , and hauld and mauld on every side, Tried to identify himself with Varro ; This course our cautious Friar might have tried, But his poor convent was a field too narrow ; There was not, from the Prior to the Cook, A single soul that car'd about a book : XLV. Yet, sitting with his books, he felt unclogg'd, Unfetter'd ; and for hours together tasted The calm delight of being neither dogg'd, Nor watch'd, nor worried ; he transcrib'd , he pasted , Repair'd old Bindings, index'd, catalogued, Illuminated , mended Clasps, and wasted An hour or two sometimes in actual reading ; Meanwhile the belfry business was proceeding ; G 82 XLVI. And the first opening Peal, the grand display, In prospect ever present to his mind, Was fast approaching, pregnant with dismay, With loathing and with horror undefin'd, Like th ' expectation of an Ague -day ; The day before he neither supp'd nor din'd , And felt beforehand, for a fortnight near, A kind of deafness in his fancy's ea XLVII. But most he fear'd his ill digested spleen , Inflam'd by gibes, might lead him on to wrangle, Or discompose, at least, his looks and mien ; So, with the Belfry's first prelusive jangle, He sallied from the Garden - gate unseen , With his worst hat, his boots, his line and angle, Meaning to pass away the time, and bring Some fish for supper, as a civil thing. 83 . XLVIII. The prospect of their after -supper talk Employ'd his thoughts, forecasting many a scoff, Which he with quick reply must damp and balk , Parrying at once, without a hem or cough , “ Had not the bells annoy'd him in his walk ? “ No, faith ! he lik'd them best when farthest off.” Thus he prepard and practis'd many a sentence, Expressing ease, good - humour, independence. XLIX . i His ground- bait had been laid the night before, Most fortunately !-for he us'd to say, " That more than once the belfry's bothering roar « Almost induc'd him to remove away ;" Had he so done, the gigantean corps Had sack'd the convent on that very day, But providentially the perch and dace Bit freely, which detain'd him at the place. G 2 84 L. And here let us detain ourselves awhile, My dear Thalia ! party's angry frown And petty malice in that monkish pile, ( The warfare of the cowl and of the gown ), Had almost dried my wits and drain'd my style; Here, with our legs, then, idly dangling down, We'll rest upon the bank, and dip our toes In the poetic current as it flows. LI. Or in the narrow sunny plashes near, Observe the puny piscatory Swarm , That with their tiny Squadrons tack and veer , Cruising amidst the shelves and shallows warm , Chasing, or in retreat, with hope or fear Of petty plunder or minute alarm ; With clannish instinct how they wheel and face, Inherited arts inherent in the race ; 85 LII. Or mark the jetty, glossy Tribes that glance Upon the water's firm unruffled breast, Tracing their ancient labyrinthic dance In mute mysterious cadence unexpress'd ; Alas ! that fresh disaster and mischance Again must drive us from our place of rest ! Grim Mangonel, with his outrageous crew , Will scare us hence within an hour or two. LIII. Poets are privileg'd to run away Alcæus and Archilochus could fling Their shields behind them in a doubtful fray ; And still sweet Horace may be heard to sing His filthy fright upon Philippi's day; ( You can retire, too - for the Muse's wing Is swift as Cupid's pinion when he flies, Alarm'd at periwigs and human Tyes). 86 . LIV. This practice was approv'd in times of yore, Though later bards behav'd like gentlemen, And Garcilasso, Camoens, many more, Disclaim'd the privilege of book and pen ; And bold Aneurin, all bedripp'd with gore, Bursting by force from the beleaguer'd glen , Arrogant, haughty, fierce, of fiery mood, Not meek and mean , as Gray misunderstood. LV. But we, that write a mere Campaigning Tour, May choose a station for our point of view That's picturesque and perfectly secure ; Come, now we'll sketch the friar_That will do Designs and etchings by an amateur ;" “ A frontispiece, and a vignette or two : " But much I fear that aquatint and etching Will scarce keep pace with true poetic sketching. 87 ... LVI. Dogs that inhabit near the banks of Nile, (As ancient authors or old proverbs say ), Dreading the cruel critic Crocodile, Drink as they run , a mouthful and away ; " Tis a true model for descriptive style ; “ Keep moving ," (as the man says in the play ), The power of motion is the poet's forte Therefore, again , “ keep moving ! that's your sort ! " LVII. For, otherwise, while you persist and paint, With your portfolio pinion'd to a spot, Half of your picture grows effac'd and faint, Imperfectly remember'd, or forgot ; Make sketch , then , upon sketch ; and if they a'n't Complete, it does not signify a jot ; Leave graphic illustrations of your work To be devis'd by Westall or by Smirke. 88 , i LVIII. I'll speak my mind at once, in spite of raillery ; I've thought and thought again a thousand times, What a magnificent Poetic Gallery Might be design'd from my Stowmarket rhymes ; I look for no reward, nor fee, nor salary, I look for England's fame in foreign climes And future ages-- Honos alit Artes, And such a plan would reconcile all parties. LIX. I'm strongly for the present state of things ; I look for no reform , nor innovation, Because our present Parliaments and Kings Are competent to improve and rule the Nation, Provided Projects that true Genius brings Are held in due respect and estimation . I've said enough and now you must be wishing To see the landscape, and the friar fishing. CANTO IV. .

- CANTO IV . I. A MIGHTY current, unconfin'd and free, Ran wheeling round beneath the mountain's shade, Battering its wave -worn base ; but you might see On the near margin many a wat’ry glade, Becalm'd beneath some little island's lee ! All tranquil, and transparent, close embay'd ; Reflecting in the deep serene and even Each flower and herb, and every cloud of Heaven ; 92 II. The painted kingfisher, the branch above her, Stand in the stedfast mirror fixt and true ; Anon the fitful breezes brood and hover, .Fresh'ning the surface with a rougher hue ; Spreading, withdrawing, pausing, passing over, Again returning to retire anew : So rest and motion , in a narrow range, Feasted the sight with joyous interchange. III. The Monk with handy jerk, and petty baits, Stands twitching out apace the perch and roach ; His mightier tackle, pitch'd apart, awaits The groveling barbel's unobserv'd approach : And soon his motley meal of homely Cates Is spread, the leather bottle is a -broach ; Eggs, Bacon, Ale , a Napkin , Cheese and Knife, Forming a charming Picture of Still- life. 93 IV. The Friarfishing - a design for Cuyp, A cabinet jewel_ “ Pray remark the boot ; “ And, leading from the light, that shady stripe, “ With the dark bulrush -heads how well they suit ; " And then , that mellow tint so warm and ripe, “ That falls upon the cassock , and surtout:" If it were fairly painted , puffd and sold , My gallery would be worth its weight in gold . V. But hark !—the busy Chimes fall fast and strong, Clattering and pealing in their full career ; Closely the thickening sounds together throng, No longer painful to the Friar's ear , They bind his Fancy with illusion strong ; While his rapt Spirit hears, or seems to hear, “ Turn , turn again - gen - gèn , thou noble Friar ; « Eleele - lèele - lèele - lected Prior." 94 VI. Thus the mild Monk, as he unhook'd a gudgeon, Stood musing — when far other sounds arise, Sounds of despite and ire, and direful dudgeon ; And soon across the River he espies, In wrathful act, a hideous huge Curmudgeon Calling his Comrades on with shouts and cries, « There ! -- there it is !—I told them so before ; " He left his Line and Hook, and said no more ; VII. But ran right forward, (pelted all the way ), And bolted breathless at the Convent- gate, The messenger and herald of dismay ; Butsoon with conscious worth, and words of weight, Gives orders which the ready Monks obey : Doors, windows, wickets, are blockaded straight; Hereinspires the Convent's drooping sons, Is here and there, and every where at once. 1 1 95 VIII. “ Friends ! fellow -Monks! ” he cried, (“for well you know “ That mightiest Giants must in vain essay “ Across yon river's foaming gulf to go :) « The mountainous, obscure and winding way, “ That guides their footsteps to the Ford below , “ Affords a respite of desir'd delay “ Seize then the passing hour ! ” the Monk kept bawling, In terms to this effect, though not so drawling. IX. His words were these, “ Before the Ford is crost, “ We've a good hour,-at least three quarters good “ Bestir yourselves, my lads, or all is lost « Drive down this Staunchion, bring those Spars of wood ; « This Bench will serve here, wedge it to the Post; “ Come, Peter, quick ! strip off your Gown and Hood “ Take up the Mallet, Man , and bang away ! “ Tighten these Ropes -- now lash them , and belay. 96 X. “ Finish the job while I return - I fear “ Yon Postern - gate will prove the Convent's ruin ; “ You, brother John, my Namesake ! stay you here, " And give an eye to what these Monks are doing ; “ Bring out the scalding Sweet-wort, and the Beer, • Keep up the Stoke-hole fire ,where we were brewing : “ And pull the Gutters up and melt the Lead « ( Before a dozen aves can be said ,) XI. “ I shall be back amongst you .” - Forth he went, Secur'd the postern, and return'd again , Disposing all with high arbitrement, With earnest air, and visage on the main Concern of public safety fixt and bent ; For now the Giants, stretching o'er the plain, Are seen , presenting in the dim horizon Tall awful forms, horrific and surprising 97 XII. I'd willingly walk barefoot fifty mile, To find a scholar, or divine, or squire, That could assist me to devise a Style Fit to describe the conduct of the Friar ; I've tried three different ones within a while, The Grave, the Vulgar, and the grand High - flyer ; All are I think improper, more or less, I'll take my chance amongst amongst emem - you shall guess. XIII. Intrepid, eager, ever prompt to fly Where danger and the Convent's safety call; Where doubtful points demand a judging eye, Where on the massy gates huge maces fall ; Where missile vollied rocks are whirl'd on high, Pre -eminent upon the embattld wall, In gesture, and in voice, he stands confest ; Exhorting all the Monks to do their best. H . 98

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XIV. We redescend to phrase of low degree For there's a point which you must wish to know , The real ruling Abbot-- where was he ? For (since we make so classical a show , Our Convent's mighty structure , as you see , Like Thebes or Troy beleaguer'd by the foe : Our Friar scuffling like a kind of Cocles), You'll figure him perhaps like Eteocles XV. In Æschylus, with centries, guards and watches, Ready for all contingencies arising, Pitting his chosen chiefs in equal matches Against the foe - anon soliloquizing ; Then occupied anew with fresh despatches Nothing like this but something more sur prising Was he like Priam then - that's stranger farm That in the ninth year of his Trojan war, 99 XVI. Knew not the names or persons of his foes, But merely points them out as stout or tall, While ( as no Trojan knew them, I suppose), Helen attends her father to the wall, To tell him long details of these and those ? ' Twas not like this, but strange and odd withal; “ Nobody knows it - nothing need be said , “ Our poor dear Abbot is this instant dead. XVII. They wheel'd him out, you know , to take the air “ It must have been an apoplectic fit “ He tumbled forward from his garden-chair “ He seem'd completely gone, but warm as yet : “ I wonder how they came to leave him there ; “ Poor soul ! he wanted courage, heart, and wit 66 For Times like these the Shock and the Surprise ! “ ' Twas very natural the Gout should rise. H 2 100 XVIII. « But such a sudden end was scarce expected ; « Our parties will be puzzled to proceed ; “ The belfry set divided and dejected : “ The crisis is a strange one, strange indeed ; “ I'll bet yon fighting Friar is elected ; " It often happens in the hour of need , “ From popular ideas of utility, People are pitch'd upon for mere ability . XIX.

" I'll hint the subject, and communicate “ The sad event - He's standing there apart ; « Our offer, to be sure, comes somewhat late, “ But then , we never thought he meant to start, “ And if he gains his end, at any rate, “ He has an understanding and a heart ; “ He'll serve or he'll protect his friends, at least, “ With better spirit than the poor deceas'd ; 101 XX . “ The convent was all going to the devil “ While he, poor creature, thought himself belov'd “ For saying handsome things, and being civil, “ Wheeling about as he was pulld and show'd , “ By way of leaving things to find their level. " The funeral sermon ended, both approv'd, And went to Friar John, who merely doubted The fact, and wish'd them to inquire about it ; XXI. Then left them , and return'd to the attack : They found their Abbot in his former place ; They took him up and turn'd him on his back ; At first ( you know ) he tumbled on his face : They found him fairly stiff, and cold, and black ; They then unloos'd each ligature and lace, His neckcloth and his girdle, hose and garters, And took him up, and lodg'd him in his quarters. 102 XXII. Bees serv'd me for a simile before, And bees again " Bees that have lost their king , " Would seem a repetition and a bore ; Besides, in fact, I never saw the thing ; And though those phrases from the good old store Of “ feebler hummings and a flagging wing, " Perhaps may be descriptive and exact; I doubt it ; I confine myself to fact . XXIII. Thus much is certain , that a mighty pother Arises ; that the frame and the condition Of things is alter'd , they combine and bother, And every winged insect politician Is warm and eager till they choose another. In our monastic Hive the same ambition Was active and alert ; but angry fortune Constrain'd them to contract the long, importune, 103 XXIV. Tedious, obscure, inexplicable train, Qualification , form , and oath and test, Ballots on ballots, ballotted again ; Accessits, scrutinies, and all the rest ; Theirs was the good old method, short and plain ; Per acclamationem they invest Their fighting Friar John with Robes and Ring, Crozier and Mitre, Seals, and every thing. XXV. With a new warlike active Chief elected, Almost at once, it scarce can be conceiv'd What a new spirit, real or affected, Prevail'd throughout; the monks complain'd and griev'd That nothing was attempted or projected ; While.Quiristers and Novices believ'd That their new fighting Abbot, Friar John , Would sally forth at once, and lead them on. 104 1 XXVI. I pass such gossip , and devote my cares By diligent inquiry to detect The genuine state and posture of affairs : Unmanner'd , uninform'd , and incorrect, Falsehood and Malice hold alternate chairs, And lecture and preside in Envy's sect ; The fortunate and great shenever spares, Sowing the soil of history with tares. XXVII. Thus, jealous of the truth , and feeling loth That Sir Nathaniel henceforth should accuse Our noble Monk of cowardice and sloth, I'll print the Affidavit of the Muse, And state the facts as ascertain'd on Oath , Corroborated by Surveys and Views, When good King Arthur granted them a Brief, And Ninety Groats were rais'd for their relief.. 105 XXVIII. Their arbours, walks, and alleys were defac'd, Riven and uprooted, and with ruin strown, And the fair Dial in their garden plac'd Batter'd by barbarous hands, and overthrown ; The Deer with wild pursuit dispers'd and chas'd , The Dove- house ransack'd, and the Pigeons flown ; The Cows all kill'd in one promiscuous slaughter, The Sheep all drown'd, and floating in the water . XXIX. The Mill was burn'd down to the water wheels ; The Giants broke away the Dam and Sluice, Draggʻd up and emptied all the Fishing -reels ; Drain'd and destroy'd the Reservoir and Stews, Wading about, and groping carp and eels ; In short, no single earthly thing of use Remain'd untouch'd beyond the convent's wall : The Friars from their windows view'd it all. 106 XXX. But the bare hope of personal defence, The church , the convent's, and their own protection, Absorb'd their thoughts, and silenc'd every sense Of present loss, till Friar John's election ; Then other schemes arose, I know not whence , Whether from flattery, zeal, or disaffection , But the brave Monk, like Fabius with Hannibal, Against internal faction , and the cannibal XXXI. Inhuman foe, that threaten'd from without, Stood firmly , with a self-sufficing mind, Impregnable to rumour, fear, or doubt, Determin'd that the casual, idle, blind Event of battle with that barbarous Rout, Flush'd with success and garbage, should not bind Their future destinies, or fix the seal Of ruin on the claustral Common -weal. + . - 107 XXXII. He check'd the rash , the boisterous, and the proud, By speech and action, manly but discreet ; During the siege he never once allow'd Of chapters, or convok'd the monks to meet, Dreading the consultations of a crowd. Historic parallels we sometimes meet I think I could contrive one- -if you please, I shall compare our Monk to Pericles. XXXIII. In Former Times, amongst the Athenians bold , This Pericles was plac'd in high command, Heading their troops ( as statesmen us'd of old), In all their wars and fights by sea and land ; Besides, in Langhorne's Plutarch we are told How many fine ingenious things he plann'd ;; For Phidias was an Architect and Builder, Jeweller and Engraver, Carver, Gilder ; 108 --- XXXIV . But altogether quite expert and clever ; Pericles took him up and stood his friend, Persuading these Athenians to endeavour To raise a Worki to last to the world's end, By means of which their Famé should last for ever ; Likewise -an Image (which, you comprehend, They meant to pray to, for the country's good ): They had before an old one made of wood , XXXV. But being partly rotten and decay'd, They wish'd to have a new one spick and span, So Pericles advis'd it should be made According to this Phidias's plan, Of ivory, with gold all overlaid , Of the height of twenty cubits and a span , Making eleven yards of English measure, All to be paid for from the public treasure. 109 XXXVI. So Phidias's talents were requited With talents that were spent upon the work, And every body busied and delighted , Building a Temple — this was their next quirk Lest it should think itself ill -used and slighted. This Temple now belongs to the Grand Turk, The finest in the world allow'd to be, That people go five hundred miles to see. XXXVII. Its ancient Carvings are safe here at home, Brought round by shipping from as far as Greece, Finer, they say, than all the things at Rome ; But here you need not pay a penny - piece; But curious people, if they like to come, May look at them as often as they please I've left my subject, but I was not sorry To mention things that raise the country's glory. 110 XXXVIII. Well, Pericles made every thing complete, Their town, their arbour, and their city wall ; When their allies rebell’d, he made them treat And pay for peace, and tax'd and fin'd them all, By which means Pericles maintain'd a fleet, And kept three hundred gallies at his call; Pericles was a man for every thing ; Pericles was a kind of petty king. XXXIX . It happen'd Sparta was another State ; They thought themselves as good ; they could not bear To see the Athenians grown so proud and great, Ruling and domineering every where, And so resolv'd, before it grew too late , To fight it out and settle the affair ; Then , being quite determin’d to proceed, They muster'd an amazing force indeed ; } - 111 XL. And (after praying to their Idol Mars March'd on, with all the allies that chose to join, As was the practice in old heathen wars , Destroying all the fruit trees, everyvine, And smashing and demolishing the jars In which those classic ancients kept their wine ; The Athenians ran within the city wall To save themselves, their children, wives, and all. XLI. Then Pericles (whom they compar'd to Jove, As being apt to storm and play the deuce ), Kept quiet, and forbad the troops to move , Because a battle was no kind of use ; The more they mutinied, the more he strove To keep them safe in spite of their abuse, For while the Farms were ransack'd round the Town, This was the people's language up and down: 112 XLII. 66 ' Tis better to die once than live to see « Such an abomination, such a waste ; " “ No! no ! " says Pericles, " that must not be, “ You're too much in hurry, too much haste « Learned Athenians, leave the thing to me ; • You think of being bullied and disgrac'd ; Don't think of that, nor answer their defiance ; “ We'll gain the day by our superior science . " XLIII. Pericles led the people as he pleas’d, But in most cases something is forgot: What with the crowd and heat they grew diseas'd , And died in heaps like wethers with the rot ; And, at the last, the same distemper seiz'd Poor Pericles himself - he went to pot. It answer'd badly ; -therefore I admire So much the more the conduct of the Friar. 1 .. 113 -- . " XLIV. For in the Garrison where he presided, Neither distress, nor famine, nor disease, Were felt, nor accident por harm betided The happy Monks ; but plenteous, and with ease, All needful monkish viands were provided ; Bacon and Pickled -herring, Pork and Peas ; And when the Table -beer began to fail, They found resources in the Bottled -ale. XLV. Dinner and supper kept their usual hours ; Breakfast and luncheon never were delay'd, While to the Centries on the walls and towers Between two plates hot messes were convey'd. At the departure of the invading powers, It was a boast the noble Abbot made, None of his Monks were weaker, paler, thinner, Or, during all the siege, had lost a dinner. I 114 - i Ix - --- XLVI. This was the common course of their hostility ; The giant forces being foil'd at first, Had felt the manifest impossibility Of carrying things before them at a burst, But still, without a prospect of utility, At stated hours they pelted, howl'd, and curs'd ; And sometimes, at the peril of their pates, Would bang with clubs and maces at the gates ; XLVII. Them the brave monkish legions, unappallid , With stones that serv'd before to pave the court, ( Heap'd and prepar'd at hand), repell’d and mauld, Without an effort, smiling as in sport, With many a broken head, and many a scald From stones and molten lead and boiling wort ; Thus little Pillicock was left for dead, And old Loblolly forc'd to keep his bed . 115 XLVIII. The giant-troops invariably withdrew , (Like mobs in Naples, Portugal, and Spain ), To dine at twelve o'clock, and sleep till two, And afterwards (except in case of rain ), Return'd to clamour, hoot, and pelt anew . The scene was every day the same again ; Thus the Blockade grew tedious : I intended A week ago, myself, to raise and end it. XLIX . One morn the drowsy Centry rubb’d his eyes, Foild by the scanty, baffling, early light ; It seem'd, a Figure of inferior size Was traversing the Giants' camp outright; And soon a Monkish Form they recognize And now their brother Martin stands in sight, That on that morning of alarm and fear Had rambled out to see the Salmon - Weir ; 116 .L. Passing the Ford, the Giants' first attack Left brother Martin's station in their rear , And thus prevented him from falling back ; But during all the Siege he watch'd them near , Saw them returning by their former Track The Night before, and found the Camp was clear ; And so return'd in safety with delight And rapture, and a ravenous appetite. LI. « Well! welcome ---Welcome, brother Brother Martin ! Why, Martin !-we could scarce believe our eyes : Ah, brother ! strange events here since our parting.” And Martin din'd (dispensing brief replies To all the questions that the monks were starting, Betwixt his mouthfuls), while each friar vies In filling , helping, carving, questioning ; So Martin din'd in public like a king. i 117 LII. And now the Gates are open'd , and the Throng Forth issuing, the deserted Camp survey ; “ Here Murdomack, and Mangonel the strong, “ And Gorboduc were lodg’d ,” and “here, ” they say, “ This pigsty to Poldavy did belong ; “ Here Brindleback, and here Phagander lay." They view the deep indentures, broad and round, Which mark their posture squatting on the ground. LIII. Then to the traces of gigantic feet, Huge, wide apart, with half a dozen toes ; They track them on, till they converge and meet, (An earnest and assurance of repose) Close at the Ford ; the cause of this retreat They all conjecture, but no creature knows; It was ascrib'd to causes multifarious, To saints, as Jerom , George and Januarius, 118 1 LIV . To their own pious founder's intercession , To Ave- Maries, and our Lady's Psalter ; To news that Friar John was in possession, To new wax candles plac'd upon the altar, To their own prudence, valour, and discretion ; To reliques, rosaries, and holy water ; To beads and psalms, and feats of arms — in short, There was no end of their accounting for't. 1 LV.

But though they could not, you, perhaps, may guess ;

They went, in short, upon their last adventure : After the Ladies neither more nor less Our story now revolves upon its centre, And I'm rejoic'd myself, I must confess, To find it tally like an old indenture ; They drove off Mules and Horses half a score, The same that you saw roasted heretofore. . 119 i LVI. Our Giants' memoirs still remain, on hand , For all my notions, being genuine gold , Beat out beneath the hammer and expand, And multiply themselves a thousand fold Beyond the first idea that I plann'd ; Besides, this present copy must be sold : Besides, - I promis'd Murray t'other day, To let him have it by the tenth of May. END OF CANTO IV. ... 1 1 . LONDON :

PRINTED BY THOMAS DAVISON, WHITEFRIARS. ܂܂ ܀ ܐܠ ܐ ..

ܟܝܗܐ - THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS FREELY TRANSLATED FROM THE ANIMALI PARLANTI OF GIAMBATTISTA CASTI S Poem IN SEVEN CANTOS. BY WILLIAM STEWART ROSE .. “ Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen ! " POLITO passim . LONDON : JOHN MURRAY, ALBEMARLE -STREET. 1819. .

H.N. I got ①3-11-21 THE COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO 1. B a 1

THE COURT OF BEASTS.. CANTO I. Address- The Parliament of Beasts- They vote A Despotism - Different Brutes ofnote Propos'dfor King - Rejected , and the poll Adjourn'd - Two beasts remaining on the roll. TO UGO FOSCOLO. UGO, you've seen aalady working at A chair -bottom , in tent- stitch, or a stool. Her centre (' tis in general a cat) Is ready drawn ; and here she goes by rule. But, if she's skill and fancy, she may order At pleasure, the surrounding field and border. B 2 4 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto I. ' Tis much the same with my poetic venture : The “ fundamental feature" ' s ready plann'd. My Lion, like the lady's cat i' the centre, My Lion with his court - by other hand . But for the arabesque which skirts the picture, This is my own , and so fair field for stricture. But lest those, who know nothing of the matter, Should think , that I distort the real story , In order to indulge myself in satire, I solemnly beseech of Whig or Tory, To turn to my original, when doubting : Ex gra . for alien act and Ourangoutang Casti's accus'd , 'tis true, of personality, And painting cubs of Petersburgh and Naples, Yet is, in fact, so free from all locality, That his best portraits will be always staples, In every country, papal or heretic. So true it is, that Genius is prophetic . A Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 5 Once more ; I make but little alteration , Except what tends to make the story shorter ; Since I, in the pure love of concentration, Have boil'd down three thick volumes to a quarter Of one : and have let go my author's skirt, Wherever he has plung'd through filth and dirt. This for the matter of th ' immediate fiction . -As to the rest, I've sought another mould, Wherein to cast my sentiment and diction ; And found it ' mid the Florentines of old : Not ' mid their sons ( there's little there worth stealing) Rumfordiz'd out of fancy, force , and feeling. Dear Foscolo, to thee my dedication ' s Address'd with reason . Who like thee is able To judge betwixt the theme and variations ? To whom so well can I inscribe my fable , As thee ? since I, upon good proof, * may sing thee Doctum sermones utriusque linguæ . See his accurate translation of Sterne's Sentimental Journey into Italian . 6 TAE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto I. I. I SING the Lion and the Lion's lair, The virtues, vices, patriotism , treason, The policy, the peace and wars, that were What time the bestial race had speech and reason . High matter, smother'd in the womb of time, And now first marri'd to immortal rhyme. II. O Zodiack , thou , by whom that time is meted , Grant I complete the glorious race I run ! And ye , Immortal Beasts, in order seated About the sacred circus of the Sun , Great Constellations, grant one lucid ray To guide my course , and glad me on my way. III. In PARLIAMENT, the various beasts were set ; I mean the better, from the baser singled. They were, I say, in full convention met, To choose a monarchy, unmixt or mingled , Republick , or whatever form might suit The anarchick disposition of the Brute. i Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 7 IV. I shall report but part of the debate; That, where opinions to a point were verging. The Courser had defin'd a mixt estate, The good of King, and Lords, and Commons urging ; And many beasts, after their way, were cheering, When forward sprang the Dog , and claim'd a hearing. V. The Dog was one, who to the great was odious; The hope, head, hand, and heart of the plebeian ; Worthy the Roman tribunate, a Clodius, Who made patricians quake at the Tarpeian. “ O high and puissant Beasts , props of the state," He cri'd , " is this the issue of debate ? VI. “ How long , o Quadrupeds, will you be blind, “ And know not that your monarch constitutional, “ Your King, by.custom and by law confined , “ Is a mere butt to tempests revolutional ? “ A paltry and a pitiable thing, “ A mockery and may - game of a King 8 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto 1. VII. “ Beasts, let us have a King, who can defend “ The harm'd and helpless, and control the strong , 66 To whose dominion violence shall bend ; “ Serene and savage beasts, we've born too long “ The rage of anarchists. If I serve any, “ I serve but one. Heav'n guard me from the many. " VIII. This said , he scratch'd ; to mark his auditory, And see how his persuasive periods told ; And heard from some a shout applauditory ; ( The feeble are rebuk'd beneath the bold .) And those, who disapprov'd of his oration, Rais'd but a wretched growl of reprobation. IX. He ey'd his work, and struck. while it was hot, And scar'd opponents gaz'd on him with wonder ; Then— “ Were it possible, as it is not, “ To bind those hands which ought to wield the thunder, “ Bethink ye of the fable of the frog. “ Beasts, do not let us.re-enact King Log. Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 9 X. King constitutional is but a shade : “ Nor boasts one saving bulwark but the steeple ; “ A feeble work. Whig Lords his rights invade, Lords, whooping to th ' assault the peevish people. “ When clouds are charg'd with ruin , will you flee, “ Ye beasts, for refuge to a rotten tree? " XI. Besides some monsters who, from heat, were sleeping , And some who wish'd the long debate concluded ; And more who put their wits in other's keeping , And by the Dog's oration were deluded , He had before secur'd a steady crew Of stirring partizans ; but these were few . XII. For he perceiv'd this gamewas full of danger : His better card , the public disposition. And the main body, to his views a stranger, Serv'd but as stepping -stones to his ambition. They sought for safety from the beasts of prey ; And he, in other's name, aspir'd to sway. 10 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto 1. XIII. The Fox, himself, was puzzled, with the rest : He guess'd, indeed, the speech had mystic meaning ; But lock'd his own suspicion in his breast, And watch'd to see which way the house was leaning. Meanwhile he ponder'd on his present course ; And amid cries of question' rose the Horse, XIV. And shook his mane, and cried , “ O Dog, shall we, « Masters of moor and mountain , never broke « To chiding curb , the freest of the free, Say, shall we vilely volunteer the yoke ? “ Think well before you fasten on your fetters ! “ Think , while you may, you dog and dog's abettors !" XV. Murmurs and cheers ensu'd : he said and snorted. And, “ Gallant steed, you're shy, and danger fear, “ Where danger's none, " ( the wily Dog retorted ; And the Dog's choice supporters— hear, hear, hear! " ) “ I'll use no logic, though the field is ample, “ Adduce no stronger proof than man's example. Cunto 1. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 11 XVI. “ Lo man , whom you hold wisest of the wise , “ To cram his prince's coffers, drains his own ; “ For him , with blind devotion, lives and dies, “ The voluntary victim of the throne. “ Say, while he plays such part in sober sadness, “ Say, have his other acts the sign of madness ?" XVII. He said and sate. There was an angry Bear, Who, at his speech, had growld disapprobation, And twice was call’d to order by the chair. He scarcely let him finish his oration, And thus ; “ Is man a rule to beast or bird ? “ Cite us, Sir Dog, example less absurd . ” XVIII. The Bear had late escap'd from basest labour, And fled from dirty streets, to down and dell, Damning his master, monkey, pipe and tabor ; His ears still rung with drone, squeak , thump, and bell : Detain’d by man , who kept him for his pleasure, And held it mirth to see him mar a measure . 12 THE Canto I. COURT OF BEASTS . XIX. To him the Dog ; " This spiteful reprobation « Of your late lord , you might discreetly spare." " —And think you love can rise from like relation ? ” Bruin rejoin'd . The laugh was with the Bear. But stedfast to his point, unmark'd the joke, The Dog pursu'd, and to the question spoke. XX. And still he sail'd an end, o'er ledge and shelf, With leading wind. No noble stirr'd objection : Each hop'd the choice might light upon himself. ' Twas voted to proceed to an election ; And those, who curs'd the Dog at heart, appear'd His keenest partizans, and loudest cheer'd . XXI. The Tiger first was put in nomination . His tail, pied coat, the lightning of his pat, ( But for the Dog's insidious intimation ) Had told. But he ; “ He's after all a cat, - A better breed of cat." Here lay the sting: For nobodywould choose a cat for King . 1 Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 13 XXII. A mountain democrat propos'd the Bear. On this the Dog : “ I honour his long pole ; “ I own him first jack - pudding of the fair ; “ A thorough comical, buffooning droll. “ But shall we choose a King to make us laugh , “ And change the sceptre for the ragged staff ? ” XXIII. To him the Bear ; “ Who, better acts his part, “ In this great stage -play, matters not two grains, “ I, a buffoon by nature, you by art . “ At least you will not fail for want of pains. ” Although th ' assembly laugh'd at Bruin's sally , The barren jest procur'd him not a tally. XXIV . The previous sarcasm , on the Bear's unfitness, Fix'd the foundations of eternal hate : Though Hockley is no more, you still may witness Th ' effect, in sore and sanguinary bait. And still through the long line of their descendants Their sons and grandsons shall dispute ascendance . *

• “ Pugnent ipsique nepotesque.”

1 14 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto I. XXV. The Bull was next expos'd to nomination, With many more, —- brute beasts of straw and lath , Successively rejected in rotation . And next the Mule, oh ! tell it not in Gath ! Put up the Ass, 'mid laughing, scraping, fleering : But he was hooted off on half a hearing. XXVI. My Ass, console thyself ; the time is coming When thou, blest beast, like Dog, shalt have thy day : When Kings, thy sad and solemn virtues summing, Council and Court shall echo to thy bray. And puissant peers thy proud pretensions own , And thou be deem'd best bulwark of the throne. XXVII. But leave we for a time, the Ass and Mule, That second hope of beasts, that Ass's scion . -Of all who late contended for the pool, Remain'd but two, the Elephant and Lion . --- Ballot and beast have been the theme too long ; Be these the subjects of a second song. ! TIE COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO II. +

17 CANTO II. The Lion is crown'd King, with one accord By his first act the Dog is madefirst lord O'the treasury a levee held, to lick Paws, for promotions - Poodle made white- stick , The Lion King, being in fullpossession Ofhealth and wits, provides for the succession Well serv'd by the trusty Dog - he, in compliance With his advice, courts wits and beasts of science Founds colleges and schools is fond ofscandal, Apoor propensity, which gives a handle To the Cat and other beasts, to form a league And deal in dirty work and low intrigue. TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN HOOKHAM FRERE. I. I HAD a mind to copy from my Casti Some dozen lines, and piece them with some more, (A thing that your Italian calls a pasty) In illustration of what's gone before : Repeating what's been said, and maxims teaching ; But then I thought I was not made for preaching. .

• Pasticcio.

C + 18 THE COURT OF BEASTS, Canto II, II . I've held it a good ground for speculation, And often search'd ( although I knew 'twas folly) The reason , why that keen discerning nation, A race, who catch your meaning at the volley, Should, in their books, expounding and expanding, Leave nothing to the reader's understanding III. And then I've thought there was some strange relation, 'Tween things,where none would put a like construction ; And often schem'd to make enumeration Of instances, which warrant such induction : Things, held anomalous, together stitching , Videlicet, Italian books and kitchen. . T 1 IV. Th'association in ourselves holds good : Our meat and matter 's raw . Th’Italian glutton Holds, for ill savour'd and unwholesome food, Meat that is underdone , beef, veal, or mutton. Their cooks, when, to their mind, they've trimm'd and drest it, Boil it to bits ; one may say, half digest it. 2 Canto 11 THE COURT OF BEASTS,. 19 ! ma --- V. 'Tis thus their dawdling authors deal with that, Which squires call potter, and which men call prose. ' Tis all about it , and about it, flat, And full of truths which every blockhead knows. E'en when they broach a vein of gold , they scatter Their ore, and overlay it with mean matter. VI: It was not always so. The Ferrarese To choicer musick chim'd his gay guitar, In Este's halls : they were not strains like these, Which from its orbit charm'd Albracca's star ; Now warm with love, now foaming with defiance. ' Twas not to such that Pulci kill'd his giants. VII . O Thou , that hast reviv'd in magic rhyme That lubber race, and turn'd them out, to turney, And love, after their way ; in after time, To be acknowledg'd for our British Berni ; Oh ! send thy Giants forth to good men's feasts : Keep them not close. — But I must to my Beasts. *

• The giants were then upon the stocks.

C 2 20 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. co VIII. I finish'd with my Lion and my Elephant Fresh for the poll ; the Beasts to vote by sections. But I so deeply hate harangues irrelevant, And all the trash and tumult of elections, I'll only say , that to the noisy ring The Dog propos'd the Lion for their King. IX. From Pidcock -flourish , guess his peroration . But one part of the speech I mean to quote , (Although it stirs my honest indignation ) More meant to goad the foe than gain a vote . Yet some maintain that he hid views political, Beneath invective cynic and thersitical. X. The Elephant had friends, who kindly saw In his Lord - Burleigh -look serene and serious, A mixture of philosophy and law ; A something of imposing and mysterious. And, while such brutes his bulk and bearing bragg'd , The many growl'd applause, and tails were wagg’d. Carito 11. THE COURT OF BEASTS.. 21 XI. “ For my part," said the Dog, “ I see in him “ An unredeem'd , and very serious ass : “ And then his mountain -back , his mass of limb ! -Strange contrast to his tail . - Will such tail pass ?" All have some point ' tis dangerous to assail. In Beasts, the point of honour is the tail. XII . The soleinn brute his trunk , in silence, tosses ; Then hurls it at the Dog ; he leapt away, And that enormous volume of proboscis, Descending from on high, with engine-sway, Enwrapt two beasts, no such attack mistrusting, And flung them fifty paces from the Husting. XIII. Conceive th ' uproarious burst of indignation ! ' Mid this, th ' aggressor wisely slipt away , Abash’d, and conscious of self -degradation . His brutal fury gave the Dog the day : Whose satire on indecency might border ; But none could say that he was out of order. 22 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto II. XIV . He, as one unconcern'd , resum'd the oration. ' Twas marvellous to see the phlegm and art, With which he took advantage of th ' occasion : But he'd no longer need to play a part; His adversaries silenc'd or beat down, The Lion , sole pretender to the crown. XV. And he, the Fox, who'd hitherto been mute, Perceived ' twas more than time, if he would merit Good will or grace from the successful brute, To open on the scent; so yelp'd with spirit. The opponents all retird (perhaps some twenty,) The Lion was proclaim'd , nem : dissentienti. 1 XVI. " God save King Lion !” was the general cry, “ Lion the first. May the King live for ever! " “ God save King Lion ! ” hill and wood reply, “ God save King Lion !” mountain , plain , and river . I pass his gracious speech. The oath was sign'd ; The crowd dismiss'd ; the Dog remain'd behind . Canto II. 23 THE COURT OF BEASTS. inthe 1 XVII. The Lion to his mouth convey'd the seal. ( Is there who doubts their secret understanding ?) And he receiv'd it with a burst of zeal ; And read a list, upon the King's commanding, Of persons, whom he destin'd to the great Charges of court, and offices of state . XVIII. And first, for Lord high Steward, nam'd the Bull. The King, after a pause , confirm'd his claim : Though ( but of such reports the world is full) There were who cast a tarnish on his name; And many naturalists indeed assure us, He was the Bos silvaticus, or Urus. XIX. But by the Lion taken into grace, He quickly laid aside his rustic carriage ; Nor was there found a monkey out of place, That durst his weight, and wealth , and worth disparage : And he was held, in that licentious school, A marvel - as a something more than Bull. 24 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. XX. His pace and portliness were all the talk . He us'd to move, like one in a procession ; It was a pleasure but to see him walk The palace, with an air of proud possession, Some envied : but the universal voice Confirm’d , and justified the monarch's choice. XXI. The Master of the Ceremonies next In order ,--'twas a thing as clear as noon The minister, still reading from his text, The Lion, musing, nam'd the blue Baboon ; A beast, that from a cub had studied creeds And codes of mops and mowes. The Dog proceeds ; XXII. “ The next, Sir, on my list, whom , by your leave, “ I'd name to an important occupation, “ Is the Lord Chamberlain -- and I conceive “ But one objection , he's my own relation : “ But since your Majesty must have a Noodle,* “ I venture, Sir, to recommend the Poodle ."

• Vide dramatis personæ of Tom Thumb.

-- ! Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 25 XXIII. “ What, Oh !--thePoodle, eh ?" - exclaim'd the Lion . “ Oh, ay, the poodle dog,-) recollect him :" -His zeal and duty, Sir, you may rely on : “ Her Majesty was pleas’d, Sir, to protect him ; 6 Her favourite bitch eléve he means to marry, - He's droll and pleasant, and can fetch and carry." XXIV. The Cat, for cleanliness and order cited, Was made the Minister of the Police ; The Lynx, Chief Justice , as a beast clear - sighted ; The Jackal, the Grand- Hunter. Of a piece The rest ; the Stag was named General Surveyor Of forests, and the Falcon , Chief Purveyor. XXV. Who would know more, with industry must rummage The records of our Lion King, at home, Who still receives a shadowy kind of homage: ' Twas so in the Tarquinian case at Rome. The real monarch from his throne ejected, A King, for sacrifices, was elected. 1 26 THE COURT OF BEASTS Canto II. . XXVI. Thus Lion , King at Arms, remains the shadow , The type and substitute , beyond a doubt, Of Lion , King of mountain and of meadow . A single circumstance shall make it out. Your Lion , Lord of scutcheons, bends, and quarters, Howe'er bestow'd, gives Beast and Bird supporters ; XXVII. In pledge of indefeasible dominion, Long exercis'd in holt or forest hoar ; And this gives force to Montesquieu's opinion. But, I, methinks, bid fair to be a bore . In truth how can I choose but bore, in case I Get upon contract, absolute or quasi ? XXVIII. There is a mighty mass of rock and mountain , Where Ganges, waterer of the Indian Lands,' Pours his twin - streamlets from a double fountain . The rocky ridge a various view commands, On one side craggy hills in long array , And upon that a mighty champaign lay. Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 27 XXIX . Southward a broken sea of mountains rạn , The breakers of a dim and distant chain , Storm - capt, and inaccessible to man . Northward tir'd nature stretch'd into a plain , Which seem'd an endless level from the brink Of that precipitous, last , mountain - link. XXX . Nature had plann'd the cliff in wildest thought, And had, beside, bestow'd amplest material, And mean, for use of Beast, who further sought : With such the Beaver, Architect imperial, Propt the long caves , no longer damp or dark ; The cliff the palace, and the plain the park. XXXI. The cliff itself was nature's prime vagary ; An E ...... d himself had tax'd his brains ' Twixt matter, primitive and secondary, And foreign fossils, and marine remains ; And carcases of Beasts of better days, And strata pack'd and pil'd a thousand ways. he -- -. i $ 28 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto II. XXXII. Suppose all circumstance of coronation Upon such mighty plain , as mocks dimension ; And, to complete a competent narration , Draw boldly on your memory , or invention . For me ; I have a horror of procession , From king and peers to club and quarter - session. XXXIII. One only fact : the Cat, in brief report, Was stating all had pass'd with due decorum , When the indignant Lion stopt him short, And ask'd him , whether he, as Censor morum, “ Could say, that all went off with form , and quiet, “ Where he, kimself, was witness to a riot ?" 1 XXXIV. “ Sir," said the cringing Cat, “ I should not dare “ Deceive your Majesty, a King and Lion ; « And I could , with the safest conscience, swear, “ And you, Sir, may my solemn word rely on, “ That what your Majesty is pleased to mention , “ Did not require my people's intervention .” Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 29 A XXXV. “ Did , or did not, " reply'd the King, “ my will is, “ You tell me all." - " The whole, Sir, " said the Cat. “ Your Majesty must know the Spaniel, Phillis : « She on a scaffold near the Palace sat : “ Next her, that reprobate old Pointer, Pero , “ Whose blood and spirits should be down at zero . XXXVI. “ But the old dog some youthful freedoms took ; “ (Your Majesty might see the plank is scanty) 66 Which neither she, nor other beasts could brook , “ And so all fell on the poor dilettante : “ Who by his moody mistress bit and baffled , “ Was hustled off and tumbled from the scaffold . XXXVII. The King . “ Poor Devil ! I too thought, he'd winter'd “ Frosts, that might well have freez'd his feverish blood. “ Well, buthebrokehis leg ?” “ His leg is splinter'd , “ Sir , ” said the Cat," Your Majesty's so good !" " And Ibis, great in fractures and in sores, Hopes, he shall shortly set him on all fours. ” + 30 THE COURT OF BEASTS, Canto II. XXXVIII. The King. “ Henceforth report whate'er you witness “ Of like description, whatsoe'er it be, “ Serious or trifling ; for the weight or fitness “ Of such report - leave that concern to me. ” Grimalkin saw which way his taste inclin'd , And purr'd and thought she'd feed him to his mind . XXXIX . The coronation done, a numerous bevy Of beasts had to lick paws, upon promotion ; But of this ceremonial, modern levy Or drawing -room may give a decent notion : And thus, describing what is worth relating , I ' scape from wooden stick and dog in waiting. XL. The ceremonies past, the Lion pair Had hardly stept into their great possession, Ere the considerate King turn'd all his care , To regulate the system of succession, The plan in its detail admits much question : 'Twas said , he acted at the Queen's suggestion . Canto II, THE COURT OF BEASTS , 31 XLI. He left the kingdom to his cub , a fool : But, ( for the whelp was yet in his minority) He order'd that the Lioness should rule , Ad interim , with delegate authority ; Though he threw in the qualifying spice Of “ by and with her council's good advice. " XLII. And her's and her sage council's safe opinion (I said the cub was still in his minority) Was to decide his fitness for dominion ; That is, to fix the period of majority. The Dog foretold the mischief that would follow ; But 'twas a pill that he was forced to swallow . XLIII. So far my text is pointed and specific : But for the rest ; with all my time and pains, I gather little from my hieroglyphic, But the main fact, that the Dog rack'd his brains, To lift his Lion Lord above all measure, 1 Prop his prerogative, and pile his treasure. 32 THE COURT OF BEASTS, Cante IT. i XLIV . And being an encourager of arts , He in his King instill'd a kindred passion ; Who singled from the rest all beasts of parts, And to his fav’rites gave the stamp of fashion ; And , moving every stone, love, power, and bribery, Lay'd the foundation of a sumptuous Library. XLV. And here the Dog , desirous to hand down, ( Unprais'd by me such arrogant temerity ,) That he had been disposer of the crown, While stone and mortar lasted , to posterity, Gave a design, in pencil, to the chief Sculptor, to be perform’d in high relief. XLVI. In this relief, the Dog was represented Putting the sceptre in the Lion's paw : Judge how the Lioness such act resented , And more than half the other Beasts that saw . Nor could it please the Lion King ; at least If there's analogy ' twixt man and beast. Canto II. THE COURT OF. BEASTS . 33 XLVII. To this great magazine of erudition All paid some learned tithe, I mean the great : But, most, the Dog gave many a rare edition Of books, which I, with safety, may translate The Bestial Æneids, Iliads and Odyssees ; And many rare illuminated codices. XLVIII. But nothing fix'd the Lion's reputation So much as the unceasing care and zeal The Dog display'd for spreading education , The broadest basis of the common weal. Bell's schools, which for a new invention pass , With us, from his spread southward to Madras. 4 XLIX . And next ( for he would cultivate diversity Of genius) the Dog cast the firm foundation Of a far- fam'd and learned university, Where every beast obey'd his own vocation ; And from old brutes, in various arts professid, Studied that art alone, which pleas'd him best. D 34 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto II. L. The tenure of this body was a charter, Renewable at each two hundred years ; Like that of company, enroll’d for barter. O Cambridge, nurse of Princes and of Peers ! Thus renovated, thou wouldst cease to doat, Nor thy cramm'd wranglers wrangle still by (ote. 1 LI. But some prefer what goes against the grain , Upon the principle we drive a pig , And hence they say that with immortal strain This very Cambridge has been often big. Has turn'd out Milton, Dryden, Prior and Gray, Frere, Coleridge, and Lord Byron, in our day. LII. I said the Lion favour'd clever beasts, And by such guests felt honour'd in his court ; Their sallies were a seasoning to his feasts ; And (what was more) he had their good report ; For it is well for Kings to find abetters, And partizans in men or beasts of letters. Cunto II. 35 THE COURT OF BEASTS . LIII. 1 Hence wits, in prose and verse, conspir'd to swell His praise, in such a tone as ever pleases; And though I have some doubts if he could spell His own name on the sign -post at Demezy's, * He was still look'd on , as a brute discerning In art, the pride and patron of all learning. LIV.

And one, who knew th ' advantage of a puff,

The most illustrious author of our nation, Declares, that such proceeding is enough To gain a prince a learned reputation : But kings don't see these truths or else can't square ' em. See Bacon de augment: scientiarum . LV . But here I catch a slight insinuation Ofsecret plots, and low intrigues of state ; How the Cat, strong in secret information , Amus'd the Lion with her gossip -prate, And how he lov'd her lies, (a curse upon her !) But most the Lioness and maids of honour.

• Late innkeeper at Hartford Bridge.

D 36 THE COURT OF BEASTS: Canto II. LVI. The gossip - bearing Cat was always seen In this close court : and Fox, become her crony , Soon curried equal favour with the Queen, For ever at her conversazione : But such Cabal, however ill - inclin'd , Wrought little on the Lion's honest mind. LVII. But I, beshrew myevil lot ! am drifting To sea , upon an ocean deep and dark , The gulf of politics, unless by shifting My helm , I place in port my crazy barque : She stays, she is in port, and, anchor'd fast, I hand my mainsail and unstep my mast. i . 1 THE COURT OF BEASTS.

CANTO III.

39 CANTO III. Gundimore - Mooncalf - Lion's convalescence Fatal - the Lion dies — her husband's presence A check upon the Queen - the King no more, She shews herself a fool - breaksout at score Her malice and caprice the Dog's disgrace The Fox and Ass and Ox come into place Dog sees the Lion's Ghost - a club for faction The Lioness and Fox preparefor action . TO GUNDIMORE. I. I find it sweet when I have roll'd and wander'd To lay myself awhile upon the shelf, And find my health and spirits not so squander'd But that I'm still sufficient to myself, Nor forc'd to weigh wants, wishes, pains or pleasures According to the standard weights and measures. 40 THE COURT. OF BEASTS . Canto III. . FI II. ' Tis sweeter that I land upon a world , Which I may fairly call my own creation, After the anchor's down and sails are furl'd ; Peopling it from my own imagination : Filling it with fair forms, excluding tragick, And gilding all things with this glorious magick. III. Or if foul fiends and phantoms will intrude, With reason or upon perverse pretences, And I must pass a melancholy mood Through all its vast variety of tenses, It is some consolation, when they work ill, To pen my devils in my own small circle : IV. But this I see is clear, and glad return To thee, gay Gundimore, thy flow'rs and fountain , Statue, relief, or cinerary urn . It seems, as if thy Genius took a mountain From off my breast ; I feel repriev'd from death ; I movę more lightly, breathe with other breath. ! Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 41 V.. Blest spot ! within thy walls, I never hear That Mr. ' s with Lady a sinner ; Nor what Sir ... What- d'ye- call- him ? has a year : I never sit ten minutes after dinner. Nor when digestion has her * hands full, piece A half- concocted meal with tea and grease. 1VI. w, But sip my coffee, ( GUILFORD brews no stronger) Coffee fresh roasted, and not fried in And piece my pipe (nor GuilfoRD lights a longer ), Charg'd with El Cham , † and spiced with wood of aloe ; So like an old magician, in a murky Smother of smoke, transport myself to Turkey. VII. No common jokes I heed or friends who bring 'em , Such as, I have not room to swing a Cat : I recollect I never want to swing ' em, And then the poison'd dart falls blunt and flat. The worst I do by them , as stories say, Is give them pepper on a rainy day.

• Sec Dr. Darwin's Botanic Garden for the gender of digestion.

+ A specics of Syrian tobacco.

1. Adininistered in sandwiches with a small bonus of heef. It pro duces slight galvanick effects.

F 42 THE COURT OF BEASTS , Canto III. VIII. I shun whatever causes bile or vapours ; Upon one level runs my lazy life ; I hear not of the stocks, and read no papers, And vote ambition , but a name for strife. Yet rise one point abovemere passive pleasure ; For here I mooncalf, mooncalf without measure . IX. “ But what is mooncalf ?" a strange voice may cry. I answer , mooncalf's easy contemplation , Or vacant action : lose no time, but try, You'll find it a delightful recreation . But definition, though precise and ample, Is dark , without the daylight of example. X. 1 Berni illustrates it, in maddest measure. He tells you, he was penn'd up with a parcel Of Lords and Ladies, and some fays of pleasure, In what may be entitled Lazy Castle : All guests an amorous fairy ran to earth And bagg'd, to make her prison'd gallant mirth. Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS.. 43 XI. While these their time in feasts and facing fleeted , He ( for all had their will) bade make a bed , Spacious, and comfortable, and well sheeted ; A table by its side : and thus he fed, And slept by turns. Another was possess'd By a congenial and well natur'd guest. XII. Nor lack'd they matter for their waking dreams : One pleasure was to lie upon their back , To lie at gaze, and count the ceiling beams, And mark in which was nail -hole, flaw , or crack ; And which worm - eaten were , and which were sound ; And if the total sum was odd or round. XIII. Then , when they had for somewhile slept and eat, The one perhaps would stretch himself, and say, D'ye hear those fools above ? they'reneedswell met ; “ I mean those rogues and whores who dance the hay.” With that the friend would cease awhile to chew , Yawn down his soup, and say " 1 - thi..nk - so too . " 44 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto III. XIV . But other mooncalf ' s mine : By Chewton's dingle Or Hordle's cliff, where peevish sea -fowl screech, I love to pace the solitary shingle, What time tall breakers tumble on the beach , Without a book or thought : such rolling base Fills all my mind, and serves me in their place. XV. More picturesquely rapt, I sometimes range And see the mighty stage of ocean clear’d , As nature were preparing for a change; Mark the beach'd buss and fish - boat homeward steer'd , And listen in the distant din and bluster To th ' elements in arms, their march and muster ; XVI. See Solent * tossing in distemper'd sleep Breathe hard and long, his bosom heaving slow , Save where to shore the curling waters creep , There work and whiten , though no tempest blow , While hatching secret mischief, like a spy, Th' unsettl'd wind veers restless round the sky. :

• The Solent, or Solent-sea, is the channel between the Isle of Wight and mainland .

Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 45 XVII. Last, from the south forth sallying, sweeps along The billows, mixing seas and skies together. I muse meantime, and mutter from old song Such snatches, as best sort with the wild weather : Until, self- fool'd, I almost think my lore “ Hath set the troubled waters in a roar . " XVIII. Then seek my cell and books, and trim my hearth , And call to Caliban , to fetch in firing, A crack -brain'd knave, that often makes me mirth : But when stern Winter, from our seas retiring , “ Hath broke his leading staff, " I play no more At Prospero, upon the sea - beat shore : XIX. But give my fountain vent, and set it spouting, Or scheme a freeze for some exotic's tub ; Or measure myrtles, which persist in sprouting Without a sun, or murder obvious grub ; Or heat and hammer some reluctant rhyme; And so 'mid nothings fleet away my time. 46 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto III. XX . But I must mooncalf make and talk , alas ! While my great work, my Bestiad, stands still, And my much suffering brutes are out at grass, And, what is worse, my Lion -King is ill. I cannot name his ill ; the signs are various : I only know his state is most precarious. XXI. But Pidcock says, our Lions and our Apes (Whether they live at ease in town, or tramp) Victims of scrofula, in various shapes, Die of March -winds or of November -damp. Then who can hope a ruthless clime to brave, Where Ape and Lion find a kindred grave ? XXII.

Trumpets, sound “ Boots and Saddle, fold your cloaks," And guards, convey your King to Summer's seat ! Where no perpetual drizzle drives or soaks, Where skies are blue, and suns lend light and heat, Lend all things quicker life, and brighter dyes : Your northern glow -worm creeps, your southern - flies. *

• The lucciola, or firc- fly .

J : Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 47 XXIII. + But hold , I doat. For Lion , born at Soffala, And bred in London, Pisa may be saving ; But for my Eastern Lion , with his scrofula , To leave Thibet, for Naples, would be raving. So he, lost Monster ! howsoe'er I sigh at His fate, had better die at home in quiet. XXIV . The answer to inquiries, made by letter, By such as could presume to write to the Queen , Was that his Majesty was getting better ; Such was the sum of every bulletin . I never knew what remedies were tried ; But he kept getting better till he died. XXV. For die he did ; and now all beasts discover Their loss, and him their friend and father dub : They find cold comfort in the Regent Mother, And can presume poor promise in the cub. And this expos'd to public notoriety A fact we often witness in society. 48 Canto III THE COURT OF BEASTS . XXVI. You'll see a Man and Woman pair'd in marriage, Belov'd by many, and by all esteem'd , For morals, manners, and becoming carriage : The husband dead , the widow , who was deem'd A paragon of worth , releas'd from rule, Shews herself what she was, a rampant fool. XXVII. As little was the Lioness suspected For what she was, until the Lion died : Then she broke out at score , and stood detected , A hash of malice, and caprice, and pride. She forthwith to her councils call'd the Fox, Who lin'd his party with the Ass and Ox. XXVIII. Women are wondrous creatures in their way ; I like them both in muslin and in mercery. They're Kittens when they sheath their claws and play, Nymphs for the nonce, and Angels in the nursery : But they were never meant to rule their betters ; And are too nice andclean to play with Letters. .. 4 Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS.. 49 XXIX. And bating such as class in the division Of the She -Lion - bating gross defects, One general want, the absence of precision, For grave affairs disqualifies the sex . One test will try them , rob'd in silk or russet ; Ask them the difference betwixt gore and gusset . XXX . - They're all agreed , and each the figures traces, And tells you one's a gusset, one's a gore, But when you come to facts and stating cases , You'll find you are no wiser than before. Hence bid them name the thing that links the skirts, Exempli gratiâ, both of shifts and shirts ! - XXXI. -As for the keystone which suspends the sleeves, That piece of female masonry's decided ; But for the tail-piece which unites two leaves, On this the world of women is divided : The point propos'd, I hear a group discuss it , .“Oh! that's a gore.” — “ No, Gertrude, that's a gusset." E 50 Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. XXXII. If this breed doubt and discord in a sessional Circle of women — if they're all abroad Upon a point, which may be deem'd professional, How would you have them play at Empress Maude ? Or loosen knots, which ask the eyes of Paley ? We've ten Anne Sewards where we've one Miss Baillie. XXXIII. But to my tale ; there was a current notion, ( An after page will shew , if held with reason) That the Fox ow'd his eminent promotion To aiding and abetting foulest treason . Thus much is certain ; that he was instated Minister, whencesoe'er his fortune dated . XXXIV . But how dismiss the Lion's friend with honour ? The Court was at a loss — not so the Cat; She took the graceless embassy upon her, And would have borne it brutally ; but that The Queen , more kind or cautious, sent the Dog The decoration of the chain and clog: Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 51 XXXV. Hence Fleece, Annunciation, Garter, Thistle, And Europe's various decorations date. The Dog was not a child , who for a whistle And coral will renounce its noisy hate : Yet he put on the chain . The Faction say, ' Twas a surprise, and worn but for a day. XXXVI. The fact is , that whatever face he carri'd , He felt his deep misfortune, like a Dog ; All day, in a secluded cavern tarri'd , And tore with alter'd mind his chain and clog. Then sought the woods, at eve, and all the night Sate on his tail, and bay'd the moon , for spite. XXXVII. When lo ! before him stood the Lion's spectre, Where the full sheet of silvery moonshine fell ; Not more confest appear'd the ghost of Hector When Troy -town blaz'd , as ancient records tell. “ Hear, " he exclaim'd , “ my lamentable story Hear, and revenge, if yet alive to glory.

1. « But I must also feel then as a man."

52 Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. XXXVIII. “ Me the curst Queen and Fox depriv'd of light ; “ Thee, from their council , 'the proud pairhave banish'd ; “ Is this a time to bark ,when thou should'st bite ? Mywrongs are thine.” The vision roar'd and vanish'd. The Dog had sunk into unmeaning sadness ; But the fierce phantom mov'd his blood to madness. XXXIX The Elephant led this while, as was reported, A sort of As-you -like - it life i' the wood ; .. And thither some caballing beasts resorted, But these, at first, were mostly of his blood ; Tapir or Mamoth , whose extinguish'd kind Wakes the brief wonder of the Tuscan hind , : XL , In that glad vale, where gentle Arno flows, Of him baptiz’d , Arno, who mocks at rushes, And gaily twines his temples, as he goes, With wheaten -wreath , thro'which the red grape blushes. And fondly lingers, as he lov'd to hear Arezzo's harvest - home, and vintage-cheer. Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. · XLI. And hears, before those sounds have died away, The creaking wains again , the tipsy laughter, And song, that bursts from farm at fall of day ; Sees the gay dance renew'd, and roof and rafter (For Musick in this clime beats time to Labour) Reel to the raving pipes and rattling tabor. * XLII. “ Reel to the raving pipes” -and all the rest I think is good ; and all came all together : And set against ideas ready - drest, Your critic's censure weighs not for a feather. “ These and St. George to boot,” with rhyme and rattle ! Cousin of Whistlecraft, how stands our battle ? + XLIII. Let Scottish loons lay on , and thresh and thump, And for our flights as brain -sick fancies brand ' em ; I like such thoughts as come, hop, step , and a jump, And pass so quick you scarce can understand ' em . They please me as a misty landscape pleases, Provided that it neither rains nor freezes.

• The Tuscan peasantry, except in the immediate neighbourhood of Florence, usually dance to the bagpipe. The second wheat- harvest follows close upon the vintage in the Val d'Arno.

† See Henry IV. part 2. 54 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canlo III. XLIV . Besides, I like to let my pinnace drive, Sure she can wear, although she may not tack ; In the bold hope that if I'm left alive, Some friendly wind or wave may waft me back . Where was I, though, before this burst irrelevant ? -I recollect :, I left off at the Elephant. XLV. To the Elephant, besides friends of affinity, A fresh accession , in his exile grew , Uninfluenc'd by love or consanguinity : A numerous and ill- assorted crew ; Whom the queen's tyranny compellid to roam , And seek revenge, or refuge far from home. XLVI. And every day still brought a fresh addition ; And now they peopled a long range of caverns : In these they form'd a club, and brew'd sedition , As whigs and democrats do here in taverns. All ( what is rare) in the good cause were hearty, And wanted but a head-piece to the party. . . . Canto III. TIE COURT OF BEASTS. 55 XLVII. The Elephant indeed was first o'the faction , Now clubbists call’d ; but was a chief for form : They lack'd another beast, for real action ; To ride the whirlwind and direct the storm .' The Dog was still their hope, the Dog their own, They laugh'd to scorn the phalanx of the throne. XLVIII. The Dog and Elephant alone seem'd shy ; But common partizans procur'd a meeting ; And there they lay'd their differences by ; And the spectators of their friendly greeting Believ'd that they beheld in it a sign And pledge of ruin to the Lion line. XLIX . And next the Tiger join'd, who was rejected As King, when beasts knew not what they'd be at ( Though such a charge both candidates affected) Rejected on the ground he was a cat. Such instances are found in every clime; But I can't stay to screw them into rhyme. 5 :6 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto III. L. The Lion King, by means of conciliation , Had almost made the savage brute his friend ; Asking his voice as one of the administration , Giving him place and pension without end : But the Queen Regent, of her proper malice, By childish insult drove himfrom the palace. LI. The Dog , in truth , had little satisfaction ; The rest all transport, at the beast's arrival; The Dog perceiv'd his influence with the faction , And fear'd in him a formidable rival. : Meantime he feign'd to feel the general glee ; And gave his health , that day, with three times three.. t LII. Besides, he'd other reason for vexation : Thinking himself the founder of his race , He ween'd the universal canine nation Must follow , and stand by him in disgrace. Alas ! the thanes fell from him by the dozen ; Foremost and first of these his whisker'd cousin . Cantu III. THE COURT OF BEASTS, 57 LIII. The Dog, who thought himself a second Daniel, And to his soul, had laid more flattering unction , Now found himself deceiv’d , in pug and spaniel ; But, when he thought upon the noble function He had bestow'd upon the faithless Poodle, He recogniz'd himself a very Foodle. * . LIV . Yet all were not so base ; the gallant Terrier, The Mastiff, Sheep -dog , Bull - dog, were true - blue : The base seceders were the Grey -hound, Harrier, Pug, Pomeranian , and Bologna crew ; The race, baptiz'd ofEngland's banish'd royalty, And those of Malta, shame to knightly loyalty ! LV . The club mean while no certain form had taken ; But both its members and its institutions Were such, and spoke so plainly, as to waken The Fox's fears, and prompt his resolutions : And he proclaim'd the bestial throne in danger ; And out- law'd civil foes from rack and manger.

• • Foodle, a courtier out of place. ' Dramatis persona of Tom

Thumb. 58 THE COURT OF BEASTS Canto III. . n LVI. All this was brutum fulmen, but 'twas back'd By real force : so he his troops collected. The army in a trice was fit to act, And hop'd to take the field , before expected. Their manifesto much what Kings employ , Their orders to “ take, burn, stink , ” * and destroy.

• See the succeeding Canto .

! .) THE COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO IV.

61 CANTO IV . How to choose generals -- the Mule's nomination By the Queen Regent mighty preparation And outset — thoughts on royal education , The Fox's treacherous scheme against the Foodle Confederates - an embassy by Poodle His propositions by his cousin scouted Mulefights the dogocrats humbugg'd ,and routed The treason - plotting For, a new train laid , Outwitted by the wily Dog, and paid In his own coin - The Babiroussa flay'd . TO HENRY LALLAM . I. DEAR HALLAM , lest this opening should alarm ye, ' Tis but to bid you ( now your book is brew'd ; ) Leave Exarchs, Counts, and Condottieri d'armi, And hear about my beasts, their field and feud . Perhaps 'twill pay your pains, and you may crib a line Willbear on Blacksand Whites, and Guelfand Ghibelline. 62 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto IV . . II . An old receipt, though here some time laid by, In the Lion's royal Cookery-books still told ; How to CHOOSE GENERALS—"Choose them old and dry, ( Some think they cannot be too dry and old ; ) The deafand doltish , and those giv'n to sleeping Are best - Take notice, they're no worse for keeping." ! III. The Fox, howe'er, was searching for a wonder, A portent that's but lately been discover'd : A cross of Fabius' cloud and Scipio's thunder : A thing which on the mountain's summit hover'd ; In its capacious womb dire matter brewing, Or burst upon the plain in hideous ruin . IV . 2 We've seen the cloud upon the mountain top, We've seen the meteor move against the wind, We've seen the lightning flash, and thunder drop, What time the storm roll'd northward from behind Where -- but I see your middle-agish mien, And hear you cry, “ Damn all that thou hast seen. ” *

• See Tom Thumb.

Canto IV. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 63 V. A meteorick beast was out of question, The Ass for commandant propos'd the Mule ; And he was taken at his friend's suggestion , For the grave Ass was still the other's tool : -And the Queen Regent, to the mover partial, Nam'd, at a word, his cousin Mule Field -marshal. VI. Meantime the Fox had hatch'd an underplot: The Dog, he knew , was soul of operations ; And he conceiv'd advantage might be got, By sifting out his secret inclinations ; So bid the Poodle, fam'd for circumvention, Flatter him , and discover his intention . VII. Besides that the Ex- premier might be flatter'd , And into the expectant halter run , Or, if that fail'd , divisions might be scatter'd ; The world at least would think that Fox had done His best, to make war's furious horrors cease , And the conflicting Beastdom mix in peace. .. 64 Cunto IV . 'THE COURT OF BEASTS: VIII. The chamberlain commission'd an Italian Greyhound, to see the Dog, and fix a meeting ; A courier whom he set a special value on. The Dog assign'd the rendez - vous, secreting Two unsuspected beasts, for more security , Who, with the rest, might witness to his purity. IX. The Poodle found the Dog beneath a Pine, Whose airy top appear'd a verdant cloud : Perhaps some Claude suggested the design, ( And some such picture I have seen at Stroud) For though he curs'd effect, and seem'd above it, I know few men or beasts who do not love.it. X. He guess'd the Poodle's mission , knew the party ; Met him , with visage of congratulation ; Saluted him with welcome, frank and hearty ; Lifted his leg, and made the first libation . The Poodle, tho' a courtier, was affected To tears, by a reception unexpected.

• The Pinus pinea or Stone-pine. — Joseph Banks, K.G.C.

Canto II THE COURT OF BEASTS. 65 . XI. The Dogą “ What news from court ? what's stirring “ Are vice and folly order of the day ? [ there “ How do th ' ambitious Queen and Junto fare ? “ How goes it with the Cat ? demure or gay ? “ The Bear, half -witted cub , and humdrum Ox ? “ The posture-making Ape, and rascal Fox? " XII. “ But tell me, Poodle, what's your present motion ? “ On what fools' errand has the Regent sent you1 ?" To him , the Chamberlain , “ My known devotion “ Warrants, that I've no scheme to circumvent you. - I come the bearer of the Regent's grace : “ It rests with you her bounty to embrace. " XIII. The Dog : _ “ You have full powers ?" - The press'd Polonius : “ If not full pow'rs, I have - what doesas well." The Dog : “ No, Sir ; you're comewith views felonious ; “ A spy upon our motions, a poor tell “ Tale scurvy cur : is this your paltry trick ? “ Off, Sir , or worse may follow - There's your stick. " F 66 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto Il'. XIV . Our Envoy, who had studied diplomatick Arts from an ancient serpent, cringes courteous, Bows, wreathed smiles, and air and phrase dramatick , Driv'n from his reptile course oblique and tortuous, Found himself pos'd, and taken all aback By one straight- forward, unprepar'd attack . XV . Since poodle-policy was no preservative, Sir Reynard.plann'd no more mystifications : War was the only, was the dread, alternative. The Mule was bid to haste his preparations ; He wanted but his battering guns and mortars ; These sent, he march'd his army out of quarters.

XVI.

And he advanc'd with courage, loudly boasting He'd smoke the wretched clubbists in their caves ; Or, had they not the pluck to bide a roasting , Would to his mistress' feet conduct the slaves. But sent, that he might miss no point ofform , The Goat, with flag of truce, before the storm :

Canto II'. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 67 XVII. Whò bade the chiefs surrender at discretion . Judge how the clubbists took the fool's bravado ! They, being of all outlets in possession , That very midnight made a camisado ; Beat up, with yelp and yell, the Mule's head - quarter, And fill'd the Lion - lines with sack and slaughter. XVIII. The Mule, escap'd the havock , sought the palace, And to the Queen so shap'd his lying story, That he reap'd praise, where he deserv'd the gallows : The rout was an accession to his glory. The loud gazettes forth trumpeted his name, And the Ass triumph'd in reflected fame. XIX . 'Tis here somescholiasts an opinion venture ( But I believe the Ass lack'd no such help ) That he through mulish interest was made Mentor, Or lay - preceptor to the Lion whelp : But in all states, whatever their description , Such office is an Ass's by prescription. F 2 68 . THE - COURT OF BEASTS: Canto IV . -- . XX . This usage, at first sight, is not consoling ; But we proceed on a false supposition : We think ( but think a lie like Uncle Bowling ) The end ' s to mould a prince to his condition : Whereas ' tis not to form him to fulfil A people's wishes, but a parent's will. . XXI. Therefore the first great object is to muddy His brains, lest knowledge lead into temptation ; Or else engage him in some useless study, (No matter how it suit his situation ) Which may absorb his wits, if he has got any. ' Twas thus a prince of Naples was taught botany. XXII. Of such an end could such a science miss ? For sure there is none other but conchology, That is so mere a cul de sac as this : But th’Ass, who nothing knew , which ends in ology, Believing musick the best base to raise on, Tun'd the whelp's roar to donkey -diapason. 1 Canto IV . 69 TIE COURT OF BEASTS . XXIII. And so he learn'd to bray by fifths and thirds, And chatter, with the Parrot's good assistance ; A linguist of repute among the birds, Whom the Queen Regent sent for from a distance. Six monkey - pages form'd his relaxation, Callid, kick'd , and cuff'd, according to occasion . XXIV . And the considerate Tutor, not to scare His pupil with ill -understood austerity, Would , now and then , in secret, bring a hare, Which the whelp flay'd with marvellous dexterity, Flay'd piping hot, and never broke the skin . So children peel whole walnuts with a pin. ! XXV . Meantime the Fox felt deeply the disaster Of Marshal Mule, although the Ass's doing : But hatch'd his wily brains, and like a master, Schem'd , at a single stroke, the rebels' ruin . Fair play's a jewel; but fair play ' s uncertain , And treachery's to all plots a useful curtain . 70 Carto IV . THE COURT OF BEASTS . 1 XXVI. Hence the Baboon was sent with propositions That either side should name plenipotentiaries Who should definitively frame conditions : Not like our envoys fixt and residentiaries ; But, pro hac vice, nam'd by club and court. Sir Reynard cast to cut their sittings short. XXVII. His plan was, with an ambush'd troop to force The congress in divân, to seize and strangle The chiefs, and , faction stifled at its source, The undistinguish'd herd to spare , or mangle Hereafter, as accounted most expedient; Supposing them repentant and obedient. XXVIII. The bait had taken , both with weak and witty, But for the sage precaution of the Dog , Who mov'd its reference to a close committee, And for its chairman nam'd his tool the Hog . Observing, it was not a subject, fitting For the mixt passions of a general sitting } Canto IV. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 71 XXIX. His audience pack'd, he thus address'd the chair : MyBeasts," he said , " methinks it lacks small cunning, “ To see the wily Fox's secret snare : “ Into this net, with heedless hurry, running, ( As to all frauds that rascal courtier stoops ) My life ! ye die his voluntary dupes. XXX . “ Yet would not I, to honour's call a stranger, “ In others' eyes my well-earn'd fame disgrace, “ Shunning what no one but myself thinks danger, “ The last in valour, as the first in place ; “ As Pope's Sarpedon says , but I would steer “ A course remov'd from rashness and from fear, XXXI. “ Name your ambassadors, and I'll make one : • Let these be by a secret troop attended ; “ And at their charge the royalists will run , • Who trust to find our envoys undefended . " The motions were by various beasts supported, Read from the chair, put, carri'd and reported. 172 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto IV . XXXII. The Hog is on his legs; each resolution Takes with the House as much as the Committee. Suppose the project put in execution, And envoys on their journey to the city ; Suppose the base attack the Dog misdoubted ; Suppose the Royalists repuls'd and routed. XXXIIL The Lion court, who dreamt not of defeat, Had gone to see the spectacle with glasses, As people go to sights, to see and eat. The Regent Mother went herself, the Ass's Pupil, the Ass himself of course, the Fox , The Blue Baboon, Cat, Poodle-dog, and Ox. XXXIV . And these were serv'd , according to the fashion , By monkeys, with refreshments, fruits and ices . But heavens ! how paint the moody Regent's passion ! The victim of the Fox's false advices : She would have rush'd the royal troops to rally, But that the duteous Ass repressid the sally. Canto IV . 73 THE COURT OF BEASTS. mer XXXV. Mean time the Fox attributed to treason The dire discomfit of the royal squad ; And many beasts believ'd that he had reason . At all events a scape - goat must be had. Besides there ran a popular report, A fixt belief, the Dog had friends at court. XXXVI. A beast nam'd Babiroussa , liv'd i' the palace, A prince in spirit, but in form a hog ; Who was forthwith selected for the gallows, As owing obligations to the Dog. His death (besides he'd some obnoxious merits) Was settled , to keep up the people's spirits. XXXVII. Accus'd , indicted , tried, his condemnation Follow'd of course , the judges all agreeing (In spite of a pathetic peroration ) In their award of death , the manner fleeing. Judge the Cub's joy, who hop'd to have the job, And earn the just applauses of the mob ! 174 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Cunto IV . -- EXXXVIII. But this was by the Regent disapprov'd ; The Fox confirm'd her in the resolution , And for the morning , ere his Cubship mov'd , Appointed Babiroussa's execution . The Queen , though she the Whelp's desire resisted, With all her courtiers, at the scene assisted. XXXIX . And now she tax'd her subject beasts for treasure ; And the Fox schem'd a million of resources, To fill her army to its ancient measure, Such , as before it met the rebel forces. Whilst the Court, grac'd by two illustrious strangers, Dissolv'd itself in joy, and laugh'd at dangers. XL . But of dull things the dullest is festivity , With change of dance, chalk'd floor, and chandeliers Tormenting, with tyrannical activity, Our unprotected eyes and passive ears . Such is th ' ensuing scene , whose foppish foolery Requires fresh strength and renovated drollery.

. THE COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO V.

ny CANTO V. Thoughts upon inns, and table memoranda -Smok'd mutton chops, and Sorrows of Amanda' Of foreign travel with our own contrasted -By one sad, silly slip wise prospects blasted -Foxjealous ofthe Peacock -- dirty measures Against the Birds A Queen and courtiers' pleasures -The scene enliven'd by a Baboon's presence His science - is huzza'd by peers andpeasants Those who cried up the Beast, conspire to vex it Its sense ofsuch ill usagerage and exit. TO BARTHOLOMEW FRERE. SEC. OF EMBASSY TO THE SUBLIME PORTE . I. DEAR Friend, I've left old Ocean's changeful scene , And am advanc'd thus far upon my journey. -What - and no further yet than Murril Green ? -There's no short hand, for travel, writ by Gurney. Besides, I tilburize ; and , for my steed, I draw not lightly on his wind and speed . 78 Canto V. THE COURT OF BEASTS. II . Now , welcome cheer of inns, smok'd mutton - chops ! With neither soup nor broth , to make them way ! Oh! for one grateful mess of cooling slops ! One cheerful evening, and one quiet day ! But I must back to roads and ruts to -morrow ; Mine evening's sad resource “ Amanda's Sorrow ." III. But does not foreign food and travel startle ? -- -To swelter in a climate like Antigua, And pant, as we have done for days, dear Bartle, In that Sicilian bug -box, a lettiga Hanging o'er precipices, where to breathe Might almost plunge you in the gulf beneath , IV. To guest with whisker'd Turk, who tears your mutton With fingers plung'd in pillaw knuckle deep, Then lights his pipe, and does not care a button How many thousands on his cushions creep . Whilst you , in virtue of the Sultan's firman, Swill windy lemonade and swarm with vermin r i . Canto V. 79 THE COURT OF BBASTS, V. -Pass we from Turkish to Italian city ! You're pester'd here by a perverse police, Or in the mountains baited by banditti. The cellar and the board are of a piece . And you must fast, or feed on what might gravel A Hottentot. So much for foreign travel ! I VI. What's a sea -voyage ? To wage foolish strife With winds and waves ; to quake at rocks and shelves. Or, from the mere monotony of life, To quarrel with our friends and with ourselves, To vomit if we try to read or write, To dose all day, to swing and swear all night.

1 VII. ! Change we our man of war's austere solemnity For the queer hubbub of a foreign bark ? Say, does the gay transition bring indemnity For evils , incidental to such ark ? Such ark as that for which we left the Argo ? Sailing from Agrigentum with a cargo 80 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto V. 2 VIII. Of sulphur. Do you recollect the Rabbin ? The Buffo, Beasts and Monks ; the nightly rug, The daily table, and that air-pump- cabin , In whose dark den we've oft outwatch'd the Bug ? Such records make one question the apisov Mey yowg, t which your ancient Greeks insist on. IX. Much may be said on both sides, as to griefs And goods. The land's variety - we miss it ; And no man covets cots, or coral reefs. But, on the other hand, we have no visit, No bills to pay, no bills of fare to sit on ; But bills of fare transport me back to Britain . X. Who knows not what concludes our inn's sad table ? That dreary dish the Lady's Magazine. Where, if you catch an interest in the fable, Some yet more nauseous nonsense comes between , And you're referr'd to “ our ensuing number.” Then welcome Boots, blest harbinger of slumber !

• At the diplomatic suggestion of Mr. Frere we sate up till the bugs

were tired of waiting for us. t Water is best. - Samuel Goodall. - - Canto V. THE COURT OF BEASTS, SI XI. But I'm a fool to rail at other's trash , When I can hedge and write some stuff myself. So I'll sit down to my unhappy hash ; And lay Amanda's sorrows on the shelf. I'll drink one glass of what they call Marsala, And then we'll go and see the court in gala , XII. The Fox had plann'd, with Eagle's approbation , To subsidize a corps of birds, well drilld , Who, in reward of their co - operation , Were to receive the bodies of the kill'd . And on a Fowl, arriv'd at court, he reckon'd As one, who might his favourite project second . XIII. For lately to the Lion - lair resorted The Peacock , on a visit to the Parrot. By Widow and by Whelp the bird was courted ; His tail the talk of drawing -room and garret. ' Twas settled that the visit to his friend Was a pretext, and had a weightier end. 82 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Cunto V. XIV. And all indulg'd some silly speculation, And each maintain'd his own with due reliance ; • ' Twas some important point concern'd the nation , -Concern'd , perhaps, the Bird and Beast alliance : ' With other hints , with more or less of malice. Suffice, he had the entrée of the palace, . XV. The Beasts of Court, and of the fields surrounding, Prepar'd themselves to fête the graceful stranger ; ( I mean the would - be courtiers) first propounding Their doubts to the blue Baboon , if, without danger, Of blot, they might, on equal footing, treat The Peacock , who'd but two, they who'd four, feet. XVI. To these the solemn Ape: “ The nicest sorters “ Of scutcheons and pretences genealogick Say Birds have not the necessary quarters : “ But as he's of the alliance Zoologick, “ And more, receiv'd at court, you well may wave “ Your rights, and these by cautious protest save . " Canto 1'. THE COURT OF BEASTS. XVII. So done; to put the matter out of doubt, The Ibis, as a bird , was not invited ; The Beaver, as amphibious, was left out : The Peacock's self was in the Parrot slighted ; The Parrot was not askid , his own relation , -What insolence ! conceive his indignation ! XVIII. He went however to the Fox at hame. " Twere long to tell the clatter , crowd, and stew , How the Ass sung , as if he'd learn'd at Rome; And Bear and Monkey danc'd a pas de deux; Jars, jealousies, intrigues, and feverish fancies, And waltzes, and quadrilles, and country dances. XIX . The supper done, extemporaneous toasts Were circled to the Bird and Beast- alliance , Full, as is wont, of rash and random boasts, And silly prophecies, and safe defiance. But small encouragement the crested Bird Gave to the Beasts, who to his voice deferr'd . G 2 84 THE COURT OF BEASTS.. " Canto V. - r XX. · He blam'd not Beasts who one another slay ; He knew the ancient saw , that tastes were various ; But that the Birds should mingle in the fray, Its object useless, and its end precarious, Appear'd to him a matter passing wonder .' Short silence follow'd , such as follows thunder. XXI. . And next a whisper circles round the room . Surprise and scorn are seen in every creature . On every snout appears a gathering gloom : But the Fox changes not in look or feature ; With horizontal sweep, and half- shut eyes, He bows about him , and the assembly rise . XXII. So have I seen some travelling fop, half Charlatan, Half Ass, ( to speak precisely) of that sort, Who write upon their cards, membre deparlement; Invited to a petty Prince's court, With some strange speech electrify the table ; And live thenceforth the court and city's fable. $ Canto V. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 85 XXIII. The Peacock had no further invitation : The Bird by all the quadrupeds was voted A dogocrat; to prove this allegation, Speeches and former anecdotes were quoted . The Peacock , who at home was lov'd and trusted , Hoisted his tail, and sail'd away disgusted . XXIV . And still the cry of dogocrat wax'd louder : And every beast, who with the Foxites sided , Found this a friend of Cato, that of Chowder : Though, as I said before, Dogs were divided . The feud increas'd, and grew a ground of scission ; And the Birds never flew the first division , XXV. The Peacock gone, there came another guest, A King incog ., the theme of general gabble, By acclamations, and by crowds oppress'd , The wonder of the great and little rabble . Sovereign and Autocrat of those half-sunk quays In the Afric sea , stadtholder of the Monkeys. 86 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Cuntu V. XXVI. The mawkish , missish and unmeaning gladness, This Ourang -Outang rais'd in court and city, Was a contagious and increasing madness, And bred the wise man's scorn , the good man's pity. The Premier had his views; the others follow'd ; And all, in unidea'd chorus, hollow'd. - XXVII. " Twas said , and said with confident reliance, That he, at some great dinner, pos'd the Beaver, Held peerless in Encyclopedick science, In a dispute about the screw and lever. The Ladies in the meantimeprais'd his sandy Whiskers, and nam'd him the Mandingo Dandy, XXVIII. For he, the NETHERSANDS disdaining, added MANDINGO to his sway, and climb'd the throne : And now a count, incognito, he gadded. The Queen , who hop'd to make the Brute her own, Proffer'd him the command of a division , Which he declin'd with thanks, but with decision . Canto V. THE COURT OF BEASTS. ST

XXIX . Yet gratefully receiv'd the Queen's proposal, To see , in a brown coat, the last review ; And fill’d a booth , that was at her disposal, That he might sit above the dust and stew . I (since we all have seen such princely shows) Pass the Queen's gracious grins, and Monkey's mows. XXX . I should have told , to make my story plainer, How that the Lion whelp was General made; And how the Horse was giv'n him for a Trainer, Or dry -nurse, in his new adopted trade ; And how it pleas'd him , whisker'd like a Saracen , To mimick strut, and air, and tone of garrison. XXXI. His paltry passion was for swing and swagger, The soldier's bestial oaths and brutal jeering ; For sash and sabre -tache, and sword, and dagger, And cudgelling, and caning, and cashiering. In virtue of his charge, he at this solemn Prelude to war, preceded the first column. 88 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto l '. -- i XXXII. And now, abreast of the Ourang -Outang's booth , In solemn state, surrounded by his staff, He thrust his tongue between his lip and tooth , And broke into a brutish , buffoon laugh . For very rage, the Monkey Sovereign trembled ; But not to make a scene , his wrath dissembled . XXXIII. A courtier too at hand, with quick invention And modest whisper, interpos'd his help ; · The royal Cub ,' he was concern'd to mention,

• Had had convulsive gestures from a whelp.'

The Ourang -Outang heard, and gulp'd his gall; And went that evening to the Regent's ball. XXXIV . Perhaps the scene his recollection grated ; But it was said , that from this very ball, Strange discord ' twixt the Queen and Monkey dated , And courtiers now abus'd him , one and all. The females said he was but a deceiver ; The males, that he would fain decoy the Beaver. Curlo V. TBE COURT OF BEASTS. 89 : -

---

- XXXV . ' Twas time to move ; in discontent and dudgeon The Ourang -Outang left the Lion - court ; Pouch'd some ten dozen walnuts, grasp'd his bludgeon , And gain'd, with sev'n leagu'd strides, the destin'd port. His crew had hoisted in their stock and stingo : So, with three cheers, weigh'd anchor for MANDINGO.

. mm COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO VI.

93

CANTO VI. The Dandy radical distinction laid Betwist your Dandy, foreign or home- made The royal General's confidence is dash'd His troops defeated, and the Crown -cub smash'd .- The Queen his body with high honours graces, And on his tomb a marble lion places ; Though she with morepropriety had sèt a calf. A beast oferudition writes his epitaph. T TO SIR ROBERT AINSLIE, BART . I. AINSLIE , don't fear some secret inuendo ; Although dispos'd to wince and look askew . ' Tis on the ground of Lucus non lucendo, I dedicate this flight at fools to you. None better sees ( tho' tolerant in show ) If I strike straight, or hit too high or low . 94 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VI. II. I said , the Lady Brutes baptiz'd the sandy -Hair'd chief of Monkeys ( to describe like Homer) In their court-jargon , the Mandingo Dandy : But this was in effect a gross misnomer : Since the true Dandy, and the foreign fop, Differ, in fruit and flower, as vine and hop. III . And ours, tho' to his own meridian fitted, Will neither pass at Paris or at Rome; And this he finds, if once ' removed and fitted ' For something, that won't even do at home. Walk he the world from sun -rise unto sun - down, Your Dandy's at a discount out of London. IV . - Leave we the Dandies, save the Dandy Lion , Who lately march'd to give the clubbists battle. But first it would be well to play the spy on The rebel ranks; methinks I hear the rattle Of gong and cymbal, hear the ramp and tramp, And growl and howl, which rises from the camp.

Canto l'I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 95 V. Their army moves, the Tiger in the van With his light troops, a proud and puissant peer ; And next, the Dog , with all his mastiff clan : The ponderousElephant brings up the rear . But on the Dog all plac'd their main reliance, Chief of the staff, and strong in martial science ; VI. And every thing which war might grace or second. -He march'd the column so 'twas unassailable , He real generalissimo was reckon'd : To his great ends made every thing available : For discipline; his beasts were like a showman's : For walls and works; his camps had sham'd the Romans. VII. Nor could I here exhibit a more ample Proof than the army's excellent condition ; Nor of his science give a brighter sample Than citing the impregnable position , In which, with due appliances to back him , He dar'd the royal forces to attack him . - - 96 .THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto T'I. VIII. They came on boldly, and had no conception , That the foe, safe behind his palisado And vallum , was prepar'd for their reception . Then, after. brief appearance of bravado, Halted, as 'twere upon the very groundsel, Turn'd tail, encamp'd, look'd wise, and call'd a council. IX . To this, with sober dignity, the Horse : “ Who yonder post with half an eye examine, “ See it is inexpugnable by force. “ Then trust we, captains, to blockade and famine: Say, were we sure to force yon mountain crest, “ Is not my mode the safest and the best ?" X. All beasts appear'd to relish the suggestion , From fierce Rhinoceros to feeble Roe ; And the big Buffalo roar'd out for question In tone, which shew'd which way his vote would go : But General Panther drew from his red box A paper (here we trace the wily Fox) Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 97 t XI. Indors'd , The Queen in council's last instruction

• To the Panther, General of her beasts and cattle ; '

Which , all confess'd , allow'd but one construction : Her orders, at all cost, to risk a battle . ' Twas clear, they could not choose but storm , and they Must to it, with what appetite they may. XII. Meanwhile the Lion Cub was looking wise : But, ever , when he thought that no one saw him , Whisk'd his fuzz'd tail in some old Colonel's eyes, Or, leaning o'er the Ass, would slily claw him. The Horse, who fear'd he'd be the army's fable, In vain kept kicking him beneath the table. XIII. You'll ask the motive for this solemn meeting, With the Cub - prince presiding in the chair, When the Chief knew that there was no retreating ? It was to give the wild assault the air Of being the result of sense deliberate ; Not of instructions rash and inconsiderate. 98 THE COURT OF BEASTS Canto VÍ. . XIV . The council was scarce over, when a winded Trumpet announced some flag , or envoy sent : The messenger, his eyes with foliage blinded , Was straight conducted to the royal tent ; Where was discover'd - judge the Steed's despair, The Whelp, his pupil, waltzing with the Bear. XV. He, always blundering and always stupid , His head still running on some wretched stuff, Imagin'd this extemporary Cupid, Dropt from the skies, to play at blindbeast's buff ; So, without scruple, slapt him on the bottom , And bade him ' catch him if he could , ' od rot him .' XVI. The Horse, as best he could , excus'd the blunder To the herald , with an air of decent suavity. To one aside the silly Cub knock'd under ; And forcing what he thought, an air of gravity, Burlesquing serious accent and position, Bade the beast-herald speak his proposition. Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS , 99 XVII. To him the trumpet : “ I nor add , nor alter Aught of the Tyger's message : Thinking cruel, “ And worse than needless, a promiscuous slaughter, • He dares the Lioness to deadly duel : “ Our various Beasts content to rest the cause “ Of common quarrel on his teeth and claws. ” XVIII. The Horse cough'd down the Cub ; and then express'd What all allow'd — they could not, with decorum , Since the cartèl was to the Queen address'd • In person , entertain the thing before ' em. The messenger, of this resolve instructed , Was to the Regent's palace straight conducted. XIX . She rav'd , and seem'd resolv'd to meet the foe ; But this was in the first full peal of passion. The Fox persuaded her it was below Her dignity , the Ape, ' twas out of fashion ; And the poor Trumpet, from her presence hurried, Scarce'scap'd with breath to blow , bit, bay'd and worried . H 2 100 TIE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto VI.. .XX. But he escap'd alive, and join'd his fellows; Mean time the truce had been on both sides kept: But now again Bellona blew her bellows, And fann'd the flames of war which lately slept. The Panther form'd his various troop for battle. Hark to his trumpets' roar, and cymbals' rattle ! XXI. They to the ramparts rush'd , with growl that rent Heav'n's concave, but in mid - career, with sorrow , Found how unscalable the camp's ascent; How deep the ditch ; and yet they stand, and borrow Some little courage, and they hope some help From presence of their prince, the Lion whelp. XXII. He, with a chosen troop, upon a height, Survey'd the battle -scene, with idiot wonder, And in his wayward folly, laugh'd outright To see the Elephant now tear asunder, Now fling into the sky, some mangled corse ; And thought it was a matchless tour de force . Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 101 XXIII. And all on fire, more nearly to behold him , Ran tumbling down the hill, through moors and mosses : Shaking off Horse and Bull, who sought to hold him ; Till, ' within wiff and wind of that' proboscis, Ere he could vent expostulating yelp, The writhing trunk embrac'd the breathless whelp ; XXIV . And whirl'd him , stiffed , fifty paces high. Conceive his following squadron's consternation ! His troops, who saw him sprawling in the sky, Fled as he squelch'd. I spare you the relation . Two days, through wood or plain , o'er lawn or steep, The rebels chasd them like a flock of sheep. XXV. One monster, more considerate, or faster Than his scar'd fellows, ran to find the Regent ; And told her whelp's sad fate and troops' disaster ; Those runaways, who lately were assiegant. But she'd no room for secondary trouble : Her Cub capotted, life was but a bubble. 1 .. 102 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VI. XXVI. Yet with the help of rack and salts she righted From this fierce squall of grief and consternation , And met, her counsellors, all pale and frighted, And, tho' scarce compos, made them an oration : They, after speeches, devious, dry, and dark as 's, voted to demand the carcase . XXVII. The Cat and Ape were sent upon the mission ; And tho' proceeding to the rebel lines, Oft stopt, were pass'd on to the advanced position: On giving the due growls and counterwhines. ( These had been sent : and Jacko in the storm Of orchards had been vers'd in all the form ) ·.. XXVIII. From the grand guard convey'd to the Colossal Chief, who was hurt, and stood beneath the probe; And shew'd himself courageous, calm , and docile In pangs, that had provok'd a scream from Job . He bade the Ibis stay his searching beak , And sign'd to the Ape, who hemm’d, prepar'd to speak. 1 Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 103 XXIX . Pug flourish'd about chaos and creation , And peace and war, and elemental ferment ; And finish'd a discursive peroration, By craving the Cub's carcase for interment : And offer'd gifts, and ransom to be paid. “ I war in Beastdom ; drive no pedlar's trade, ” * XXX . Replied the Chief; and bade produce the carcase . -I shall not here the forms of burial swell. Sir Isaac, who, from simple squire to Marquis, Knows every rite, - had, done, or due , may tell. I'll only say the Queen found painful pleasure, Augmenting such, when she receiv'd her treasure. XXXI. Nor here her melancholy fancies stop : She built a tomb of oriental granite, And plac'd a lion rampant on the top : An architect of chaste design did plan it. A sort of Doctor Pr, a learned monster, Compos'd his epitaph , which none could conster.

• Guerreggio in Asia e non vi cambio o merco . - TAsso .

1 THE COURT OF BEASTS. CANTO VII.

107 CANTO VII. The modern dangers ofthe Scottish border Cheltenham a greater curse than the disorder For which we're sent to drink her filthy waters The many whoredoms ofher sons and daughters Are seen in vision , pic - nics, balls andplays White- hatted men - a species -- their odd ways All morning meetings curst - chiefofthose såd Cupids, Entitled Archers-- Congress ofthe Quadrupeds Its composition and its fatal end The hasty picture ofa Hindoofriend. TO WALTER SCOTT. I. DEAR Scott, I had a scheme to cross the border, And had , in fancy, swallow'd many a mile ; But then some duct or gland got out of order, And in a thought, I was half swamptwith bile : From this account what you will understand is, I had a sharp , tho ' short, attack ofjaundice. 108 Canlo VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. II . And then I thought it argu'd small discretion To go , in my weak state, to Ashestìel : When for such scheme, one wants the full possession Of heart, and health , and strength ; and nerves of steel. Troth , I would rather face a Shrapnell-mortar, Than drink, and beat the moors, and burn the water. III. But you , you say, are both discreet and sober. Granted ;-but if with neighbouring Laird we dine ? Unlike our ancient squire, who brew'd October, He fires your hissing blood with blude -red wine, Which in the stream he means to cool to-morrow.t Transition that had scarcely pleas'd Suwarrow . IV. But, bating being nail'd to nightly table, I lov'd such pleasures once , in all their shapes, And if not now , the cause is found in fable : " Tis the old story of the Fox and Grapes. Besides, I thought to see thee in thy glory, And greet thee in thy land of song and story.

• See Guy Mannering.

to Which with my sword Imean to cool to -morrow .'-- Shakspeare. Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 109 V. And I'd a scheme, ( for fancy still will gambol,) To see a college friend I've known long time; And plann'd another episodick ramble To him , restorer of the Rhunick rhime, Who kick'd at Canon - law and fled from pandect, In the large love of Danish and Islandick . VI. I grieve to abandon such a resolution ; But, yielding, bless myself it was not worse : Pleas'd that my Doctor stay'd the execution Of sentence, that might make a hermit curse ; Severest known, in medicinal law , A two month's banishment to Cheltenham Spaw . VII. A horrid hole, that's never ventilated : Where who, that's half a liver left, would be ? Where every mawkish folly is concentrated. I see fools dining underneath a tree ! I see white -hatted men that eat their luncheon l' the street, and spit forth cherry - stones in sunshine! 110 THE COURT OF Canto VII. BEASTS . VIII. Methinks our English Law is inefficient, Which puts down pewterers, by common usance, Since it acts partially ; in this deficient, It does not punish intellectual nuisance. For what's a noise, to people pic- nic eating ? Or melting day, to Archer's monthly meeting ? IX. Hope we improvement to our gastric juices, Fly we to Cheltnham to improve our chyle, When these, and fifty yet more barb'rous uses , Might move a man of Oonalashka's bile ? Our Doctors all such points discreetly settle ; And mend our health , as tinkers mend a kettle. X. But I anticipate more health and pleasure, Inhaling the clear Ocean's balmy breath Besides, I hope uninterrupted leisure, And such , that dating from the Crown -cub's death , Evading all digression or confusion, I may pursue my work to a conclusion . Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 111 XI. The Lioness, her grief some deal rebated, Had breath to think upon the publick danger : She was, as one might say, well nigh check -mated : But luckily the dogocrats were strangers To her lost state ; or else had secret reason , For halting half -way in successful treason. XII. The intriguing Dog himself, who knew his strength, And felt his fort was less in fight than mobbing, Assay'd to spin the warfare into length ; In hopes to get a better field for jobbing, And spouting, though in woods or desert shores : And so both parties lay upon their oars . XIII. Meantime the Crocodile ( such slaughter griev'd it) Offer'd to either side his mediation ; And Lioness and Elephant receiv'd it With pleasure, as it suited their occasion. A Congress was compos'd ; and thither went Embassadors, from Queen and Clubbists sent. 112 THE COURT OF BEASTS , Canto VII XIV . But here I shall not lift the Congress-curtain, For the same reason a forecasting maid * Would not turn to, and lather lace or shirting, Or ply in any wise her wonted trade, Alleging that the world ( they trod on tinder) The world, ere drying day, would singe to cinder. XV. So I, who, Goody- like, hate fruitless labour, And know the bestial world is to be drown'd , Somewhat more surely than Cabiri F. Cast his conjectures on prophetick ground, Shall leave unsung what, like the Bear and Fiddle, Begins, but's interrupted in the middle. XVI. My manuscript the various beasts describes Declaiming, dining, drinking, shifting, trimming ; Dealing in manifestos, lies, and bribes. An after picture represents 'em swimming Before a flood, not fed by common fountains ; Clouds melting ; seas,which climbthetopmostmountains.

• A newspaper anecdote of the day.

Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 113 ". XVII. Ye Plutonists unravel me the puzzle ; This for first Nature's wreck you can't advance : For man not only was ; he'd learn'd to muzzle The Bear, and ( more) had taught the Bear to dance. Now you, you pagans, if I'm rightly taught, Believe that Man was but an after-thought; XVIII. Some small improvement on the Ass and Ox. And certainly there are, (and such men pass) Who prate of bullion, paper, peace and stocks, That ought to be, methinks, turn'd out to grass : Yet four -legg'd beasts ( although on beasts they border) Might think they shed small credit on their order. XIX . Once more, I say , this knotty problem tackle, This deluge of the Asiatick world : Was it, what in your cant, you call debacle ? -My manuscript's return'd, dog's - ear'd and curl'd, From those, who, tax'd at explanation, shunn'd it, From London Savant up to IndianPundit. 1

• 에

114 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. $ XX . Here I anticipate well founded stricture From reader, half confounded , and half vext ; “ What is your manuscript? you talk of picture “ Of delug'd beasts ; is't picture then or text ? " 'Tis both . The painting is not illustration ; But, it should seem , continuance of narration .. XXI. But whether this be mystic and symbolical, ( Such might be matter for a six hours lecture) Or statement of old facts, plain and historical, Both baffles mine and Doctor Y's conjecture. All men may have their various guess, and ground it On something : so I leave it as I found it. XXII. In one thing, though I mean to be specific ; The mode in which it came in my possession, ( Christen it picture, text, or hieroglyphic) Nor so shall risk the charge of indiscretion . Mid many foolish freaks, I'd once the failing To be immoderately fond of sailing. ܕܢܦܝ Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS . 115 XXIII. To second this ; there liv'd near Itchen ferry An Englishman, in all but birth Hindoo , Who had a cutter - yacht and Portsmouth -wherry : Not to be thought a Heathen or Yahoo, I' the Fawley troop he bar'd his trusty falchion, Like Yeoman true. His yacht was call'd the Halcyon. XXIV . He to his banker's book, as if his shaster, On rainy days, with close devotion grew ; Or fiddled perseveringly , to master Some restive bar. As our acquaintance grew , With him I westwards sail'd , and many a rill, Sung by Dan Drayton, track'd from fall to fill .' XXV. The Teign , whose sons desert their pleasant houses, And to inhospitable shores repair To fish in foggy seas : meantime their spouses, Not bating, for such toils, of housewife care , Ply the swift needle while they may ; then stoop To their dipt oars, and board the expectant sloop . * They often sit working in their boats till the tide slacks, and then haul for salmon. 1, in one instance, saw them board a sloop , and pilot her into the liarbour. 116 THE COURT OF BEASTS . Canto VII. . XXVI. The Dart, whose streams through parting mountains straggle, And form a broken chain of fairy lakes ; The turbid Tamer, proud of old Tintagel, * And that dread dome, t where angry Demon wakes Where the dead Wizard in his chair is seated , And too confiding Devil nightly cheated.

• Tintagel, a castle famous for the residence of King Arthur. See

Mort Arthur . † Another castle in Cornwall, called, I think , Tinvelly, respecting which there runs the following tradition . An ancient proprietor is said to have sold the reversion of his body and soul to Satan, after burial. The Devil did not object to the equivocal wording of the essential clause : and the dying Necromancer, profiting by it, en joined that his body should, after death, be secured upright in an arm - chair. The Devil calls for him in vain nightly in a chariot with four black horses, under the influence of a delusion which is always going on . Three objections have been urged against this story ; first, that the Devil could not be so ignorant of business, as not to detect the trick ; secondly, that he must be entitled to a remedy in a court of equity ; thirdly , that he could scarcely be so careless as not to send his deeds, for examination , to an attorney . I know no satisfactory answer to the first; the answer to the second is plain : a friend of the profession furnishes me with one to the last, observing, that though every body knows of the Devil's advocate, no one ever heard of his solicitor:' A fact which, perhaps, makes more than any other in farour of the attorney tribe . Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 117 XXVII. My friend's delight ( Bramins such bliss allow ) Lay in beatitude of contemplation ; And then ' twas said , that, through a silver cow , He underwent Gentoo regeneration. His mood no cross was capable of rumpling : Besides, he liv'd on tea and apple - dumpling. XXVIII. Such Man had chang'd the savage soul of Scindeah : Judge then , as resident, for he abode a Long time as such , how he won hearts in India ! Lounging, one morning, in an old pagoda, And boring facts out of a Bramin crony, Priest of the place, who serv'd as Cicerone, 1 XXIX . He, with a close , imposing air ofmystery, Conducted him to an interior chapel ; And shew'd him , at arm's length , this very history ; But shew'd it him as a forbidden apple : ' Twas, after works of faith , and ceaseless suit, My persevering friend obtain'd the fruit.

1:18 THE COURT OF BEASTS , Canto VII. XXX. And here should come the story of the Cow , Where he, with change of exit, play'd Tom Thumb ; At least I know no other where or how; For, on this point alone my friend is dumb. Perhaps this is ( so Priest still deals with layman ) Because the Cow escheated to the Bramin . XXXI. It chanc'd that I, some bilious mischief breeding, A plan of diet did with him agree on , And had, by odd coincidence, been reading That queer and quarto book, call’d Moor's Pantheon ; And so my friend misdeem'd me, at first view , A something like himself, a half Hindoo : XXXII. And, with the Bramin's solemn air of mysterý, Confided to my hands this rare deposit Of other years, baptize it tale or history , Which I launch into daylight from my closet. The manuscripts are sent to the Museum ; Where all who have a mind, maygo and see ' em . Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 119 11 1 L'ENVOYE. Dear Beasts, you went abroad in small edition ; But whisp'd and wash'd , and curried and rubb'd down, You need not fear a publick exhibition ; So leave your caravan and walk the Town. Fear not the critic world, its whelps and worry , And your Polito know in Mister Murray. THE END. ERRATA . Canto II. stanza 50, line last, for vote, read rote. Canto III. stanza 11 , line 1 , for feeling , read fooling . AHP ? 4 1020 -- LONDON : PRINTED BY THOMAS DAVISON, WHITEFRIA RS.

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